You're over thirty and thinner than you were in high school.
You know all the lyrics to any musical besides Jesus Christ Superstar.
Your Christmas decorations include roses or baby's breath.
You know the difference between a "soundtrack" and an "original cast album".
The only professional sports you watch on TV are gymnastics, diving, and figure skating.
You know what a wall sconce is.
You have a pet named "Liza," "Gypsy," or "Talullah".
You know how to spell Barbra's first name.
You know whether Rogers or Hammerstein wrote the music.
You've ever watched the Miss America pageant and said, "Where did she get that dress?!"
You've ever canceled a date because it conflicted with the Tony Awards.
You know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon".
Your video collection contains Broke Back Mountain, Beaches, or Mommie Dearest.
You've ever been to a professional football game, spent the whole time watching the cheerleaders, and critiqued their performance.
You receive a floral arrangement and can name more than three flowers.
Your Christmas stocking as a child contained bronzer or a moisturizer.
You know where to find tulle really cheap.
Your mother calls you for decorating tips.
You have "dress" sneakers.
You own more than two throw pillows, and they didn't come with the couch.
You chose your socks this morning to bring out your eyes.
You've bought a Barbie doll for your niece's birthday, you told her its worth more if she never opens the box.
You own a pair of kneepads yet play no organized sport.
You've ever uttered the phrases "Get her!," "She's a mess," or "What's her problem?"
Someone says "How 'bout them Bulls?" and all you can think of are the bill fighters in tight pants.
You require two syllables to say "please,".
Your pairs of shoes outnumber days of the week.
You save the packaging materials from under wear purchases because the guy looked hot.
At eighth grade dances you were the only boy who could stay on the beat.
You've ever, while walking down the street, executed an impromptu series hitch kicks.
You display in any public form a reproduction of Michaelangelo's David.
You've ever trimmed your pubic hair to make "it" look bigger.
You've ever sighed with jealousy at the sight of a starlet in a feather boa.
You take a size-13 pump but still think that’s small for you height.
You own chaps and they weren't designed by Ralph Lauren.
You've often had beard burn but never had facial hair.
The last time you put on a floor-length organdy ball gown, you first had to shave your chest.
By the time the bus has arrived at your stop, you've given every other passenger a "fashion score".
You'd sooner skip a day at the gym than show up in a work-out ensemble that just didn't match.
You're currently wearing a studded, leather ring approximately 3 inches in diameter, but no one can see it.
You know who Dorothy Gale is.
You've ever turned when someone yelled "Hey, Mary!" and your name isn't Mary.
You can tell on sight the difference between a salchow and a triple lutz.
You've sworn never ever again to get drunk and do your Bette Davis impersonation.
You can give directions to the nearest "glory hole".
The last time you danced at a wedding, you accidentally started to follow.
You've ever introduced someone as your "partner," and you're not in business together.
You've ever sent anything in black latex as a gift.
You've ever asked for a sweat towel at the gym, but accidentally said "cum towel" instead.
You regularly slap other men on the butt, but you don't coach a football team.
At the gym you spend more time in the shower than on the stairmaster.
You've ever said "Look at the tits on her!" and there were no women anywhere in sight.
You've been to "The Mineshaft" but you weren't digging for coal.
You regularly "toss the salad," and it involves no greenery or vegetable of any kind.
