I maybe an old lady, but I'm still here!

I started 2012 with a prospect for a new relationship. That guy seemed to be someone who could be long term. (Not every one knew about him.) Just a select few. But it did not last. It ended after a few short months of dating. So there I was, refusing to shed a tear, but bravely let it go. I pushed my self to find a new me again and move on. After all, I am an amazing person with lots to offer. I sought out a new adventures with friends, enjoyed being Miss Gay Texas State and enjoyed my new position at work. I also worked on my finances, getting in shape and improving my appearance. All of these things translated in to me inner being. It made me feel better about my self. The summer passed. I finished my rein in a grand way back in September. And at that point felt pretty good. But the last month and a half have been a roller coaster. Losing weight is generally accepted as a good thing. I have always been over 200lbs for as long as I can remember. Even in high school, I was a size 38 waist. But like most people, other protect your feelings and say”well its ok, you are tall” And Yes I’m tall, but weight does affect you emotionally and physically. Many other people can relate.


I felt good about eating less, walking, and seeing some results. I also stopped smoking several months ago. This was a habit which I hardly did anyways. I think at my high point, I was up to maybe five cigarettes a week, if I was nervous at the shows. I don’t think they even classify that as being a smoker….more of first hand-second hand smoker. That is not a medical term I just made it up. It was more of a social thing. That was an easy thing to let go. Lord knows I sucked enough smoke just being in the smoke filled clubs.


So now the roller coaster has caused some serious health problems. Well, maybe a snow ball would be more correct. I lost some weight, with out any crazy diets. I just ate less, exercised more. I also tried to eliminate sugar, fat and too many carbs. The biggest help was soda. I drank water or occasionally ice tea. After all, it’s Texas. Everyone likes ice tea.


But the quick weight loss also lessened my immunity. I had dealt with a urinary tact infection. It was treated with antibiotics. Then I had a bacterial infection in the soft tissue of my nose. It was ugly, but again had to be treated with antibiotics. It healed. Then I was still feeling run down. I attributed it to more of slump in my social activities. But I was feeling it physically too. The doctor again gave me medicine for walking pneumonia. "Walking pneumonia" sounds like it could be a character in a sci-fi horror movie. Although this form of infectious pneumonia can make you miserable, it's actually the least scary kind of pneumonia. That's because it's a mild pneumonia and does not generally require hospitalization. In fact, you could have walking pneumonia and not even know it. People who have walking pneumonia are seldom confined to bed or need to be hospitalized. Some may even feel well enough go to work and carry on with other regular routines, just as they might with a cold. This is what I continued to do. I finished the antibiotics. Then the doctor gave be steroids to help lung function. Progressively it got worse. I went back to the doctor. By this time I was in sad shape. I would have to hospitalized. Well Shit! That was my first reaction. Having too many illnesses so close together has left my immunity unable to recover on its own.


I would rather be fat and healthy than slim and sickly. But that is exactly is what happened. I am not under weight. In fact right now today, I am still about 20lbs over from where I should be for my height. If you ask me, the Body Mass index is full of crap. They use words like ”obese” as a category. One year ago, I was considered obese. Now I’m just over weight. That still stings a little.


This pneumonia has been very hard. They were pumping me full of antibiotics day and night. I was also doing breathing treatment. My biggest fear was being told that a ventilator would be next. OH NO, not me! This was no joke. The first three days, I was not sure if I would ever see improvement. I was too weak to walk far. I was dependant on my sister, who spent every day by my side. Slowly, I improved and seemed to had finally turned a corner. The doctor was pleased. Over all I was there for six tough days. The doctor wanted me to continue to take it easy for a few more day, but advised, that it would be several weeks for be fore I was back to my old self. I also have several follow up appointment with the lung specialist and a new internal medicine doctor that I will be seeing from no on. She will be able to treat my low immunity and hope fully keep me from serious illness again. Also there is a pneumonia vaccine that I will receive to guard against from getting sick again. It’s like being a diabetic, or a cancer patient. The more you do to take care of yourself, the better you can manage your condition. I am stronger today than I was yesterday. I will put on a brave face, and keep fighting like a champ. Because that is what champs do!


Just one more thing, I was so blessed to have my family close to me as I continue to recover. My sisters have been amazing.