new thoughts

When I was a kid it was very tough.  I grew up poor and it was obvious that I was different.  I grew up thinking that somehow that was all I was gonna be.  I was convinced that this was true.  My Dad would resent me and treated me like I was not his son. To a kid that was so sensitive, it hurt. As I entered college, that relationship became strained. I was discovering my life as a gay man, and realized that there were more people out there that have similar backgrounds.  My goal today is let stop letting those limited views affect me and my future.  I want to stop letting the “they’s”  rule my life.  I want to stop valuing the “they” that are such a big part of my past.  I was so used to saying, thinking and remember how “they” used to affect me.  “they” hurt me; “They” used to say …”they” used to treat me like…”they” made me feel bad.  I have come to a place in my life where I need to realize that “they” do not exist in my life anymore.  The people who once hurt me as a child are gone.  They cannot control me nor do they even care what my life is about now.  “They” do not have a place in my life or thoughts.  If I mailed them my bills, they would not care enough about me to pay any of them.  So they have no power over me.  They are gone, I am here and my life will be what I make of it.