summer camp

I remember when I was a kid.  I loved going to summer camp.  I had good memories of it. I was about 10.    There is a small scout camp just about 10 miles from Wichita Falls. Camp Perkins.   It was in a wooded area along a river.  It had a pavilion, chow hall and campsites with showers.  Our local scout troop was gearing up for a fun week at camp. There were 15 of us.  There were troops from other near by towns and cities.  One troop had 50 boys. That was more kids than were in my grade in school.   They were like an army.  There were three age groups participating at camp that week.  The cub scouts who came only for the daytime activities. They were bussed in and out everyday. These were the younger boys who were not mature enough for a over night camp away from home.   I was in the boy scouts group, we camped in tents.   Ages 10 to 13.  We were supervised by parents and troop leaders while at camp for a week.   The older teen age boys were Explorer scouts.  They were teenagers who conducted activities and help out the parents with chaperone duties.  They were a small group but still helpful to have around.   They were like our ‘big brothers’. We did arts and crafts, learned camping skills, and even enjoyed the onsite swimming pool.  We sang songs and enjoyed a nightly campfire.  I remember learning to shoot a bow and arrow too.

I was shy around new people.  I had only known my own people from my town.   Plus I was fat and ugly.  So making friends did not come easy.  Usually people just made fun of me.  I guess they still do.  I found it was easier to make friends with the adults.  One troop leader from another group was a tall good looking man, who was there with his son’s troop. He was about 30 with brown hair, green eyes, nice smile.  He was my first crush on a man. No, there was no inappropriate behavior in my story.  He was just a good guy that I connected with.  And I was just a kid who didn’t know what gay meant.   I still remember his name and can picture his face.  I remember that he was smart.  Or at least to a ten year old, he knew all about the world. He taught me first aid and helped me practice for my merit badge test.   Our camp sites were next to each other.  The boys from our two groups all became friends.  My dad was not the ‘nurturing father type’ so I found friendship and guidance from other men in my life.  In fact my dad never helped with any troop activities. He was always too busy working.   It is good to have male influences in a young boy’s life.  Especially one like me, who felt disconnected from his father.  My brother was always his son, I never was.  I don’t even think he ever liked me. No father ever wishes to have a gay child.  I’m sure it had something to do with my romantic feelings with men that I developed later in life.  It makes sense; you always reach out for the things that are lacking in your life.  Or at least I do. Summer camp was good.  I love the outdoors.  I have not been camping in over five years.  It seems a shame to not have anyone to share it with.  So I don’t go anymore.  Being a gay man with no children, I can’t even help out with local scouts.  It is frowned upon. Gay men are not viewed as good role models.   They think we are all perverts.  And the girl scouts?  Well they don’t like me either….I wear too much makeup for the outdoors.  Plus I never was good at baking cookies and hocking them on the street.