Dinner with Lori

During all the rush- rush of preparing for my pageant, I was glad to spend time with a friend whom I met several months ago.  The break did me good.  My friend Lori and I were introduced by a mutual friend.  Let me see if I can explain this…My Cousin Johnny came to Dallas for an extended weekend.  With him came his cousin…Peter. I know that may seem a bit confusing, but Peter and I are not related. I am Johnny’s cousin on his mom side of the family and Peter is his cousin on his Dad’s side of the family. I know Peter well, and knew that the three of us would enjoy spending the weekend together and have fun going bar hoping on the Gay neighborhood in Dallas.  There always fun to be had there. Or a least we could find a cheap drink special somewhere and make our own fun. 

Peter also invited an old class mate of his from back home. They had gone to school together and had remained friends for several years after graduating. Lori was living in the North Dallas area and she made the perfect fourth person to add to our group. Lori is a professional, smart and attractive mother, who has two sons.  I have to be honest, new people always concern me. My life and home are not like straight people’s homes. I have crowns and drag pictures, and one of my bedrooms is dedicated to housing my drag costumes and sewing stuff.  The back bad room is my work room. Usually you can hear music playing while I work back there.  Lori came over to may apartment and was like a ray of sunshine. She was almost too perky.  That is just her nature, I guess.  She must have been a cheerleader.  As a former band nerd myself, I have seen her kind before.  I remember that we always felt like a juke box for the happy cheer squad at the Friday night games. I think I may have looked at her like she was a bug. Also it takes a while for me to really open up to new people, especially women….I never know if they are bothered by my drag persona, or my mannerisms, or even the way I look. That is one of my issues.  Lori made it hard to not like her.  In fact she was a fun person who enjoyed hanging out with us.  Peter kept telling me that Lori and I should be friends; after all we both lived in the DFW area.  After the night we all went out together, Lori found me on face book, added me as a friend and periodically said hello.  Then things slowed down.  I assumed that life just got busy for her and I understood. Heck, mine had too. My job was keeping my busy, plus shows on the weekend; I was feeling overwhelmed. I was frustrated. I was even removing the ‘friend’ connection on face book with people who really were not my friends, or I did not know personally.  Some times you have to clean house if not you end up with a zillion messages about meaningless nothing on FB.      Then…Lori messaged me.

“you better not delete me…I enjoy your posts”

I message back saying, no I won’t.  Honestly, she was not the object of my FB revolt.  I liked her even though we had not really seen each other since we met. She messaged me and invited me to join her for dinner.  I needed a break from my usually hectic, yet some how boring life. So I said yes.  She wanted to try a new place. It was new to both of us.  We had the best time. In fact it did me good to know that some one enjoyed my company…I was not expected to look pretty or perform a dramatic ballads or even strut and perform with finesse.  Nope, for the first time in a long time, I could really just be me. It was a break and a break through.  It told me I am on the right path in my journey of self discovery.  I deserve and should enjoy all aspects of my life, not the just drag side.  After all the drama, trauma and problems I had over come in the last five years, drag was all I had sometimes. Now I am pushing through, and I have a new friend in my life to have fun with.

Once upon a time I felt lost, and waiting for some one to find me…I finally figured out that I was the one who found myself.  Lori told me about some of the issues in her life and I could totally relate. I hope she is able to move on, as I am doing. Lori is a wonderful mom, friend and person. She just needs to find her way…and I have no doubt that she will.