I would date a Smurf.

Here is a picture of my little Smurfs. They live on my shelf above my desk at work. I got them at McDonald’s. I asked my sister, which Smurf I was? She said…Vanity. I gasped, hand clutched to my chest.

Vanity Smurf is kind of a narcissist. The term is used to describe both normal self-love and unhealthy self-absorption due to a disturbance in the sense of self. Wow, I am not that bad. I take pride in how I look. But vanity has me beat.  He has a flower in his hat, and he often holds a hand mirror, staring into his own reflection, which he kisses often. In the Hanna-Barbera cartoon series, Vanity speaks in an effeminate voice.  My voice? Ok, you got me there. Damn, point taken.

If I were a Gay Smurf, you would think I would be interested in a Hefty Smurf, who is strong and works out…or maybe  Handy Smurf who is manly and builds things….but nope.

Grouchy Smurf is the misanthropic grouch of the Smurf village. His catchphrase is "I hate (something somebody else mentions)". Grouchy usually has a scowl on his face.  In the cartoon version he seems to have always have been a grouch.  Despite his grouchiness, he has a soft spot for Baby Smurf and the Smurflings. He is sometimes asked to care for the Baby Smurf. And he shows genuine concern for the baby’s care. I think Grouchy is deep down an old softy. I like that about him. I think he has good qualities that no one else knows about. I would date a Grouchy. If I were a Smurf, I mean.