My sisters wedding

I wrote this before my sisters weding and completed it days after. 

My sister is getting married in a few days.  I knew this day would come. Now it is here.  She met Ronald about four years ago and has lived with him and her girls for quite some time now.  It has sometimes been strained, but last year they set a date.  I take a deep breath and reflect on all they have had to deal with over the past few years.  Anita is my younger sister.  She has been in Oklahoma City now, for 14 years.   She still tells people, “I’m not from here” . I find that funny, because I some times rely on that same phrase when people ask me about places in Dallas/Ft Worth.  

I have been here since the end of 2002.  I always thought Dallas was too big with too much traffic.  The people there have a selfish with big city attitude. ( It took a while to sort through those people and find good people. Those are the friends who are important.)   Sadly, rude people are out there. There is a lot of that here.  I see it everyday in my morning commute.  I probably cuss people from the privacy of my own car everyday.  My biggest pet peeve is not using a blinker or cars cutting in and out of traffic like they are entitled to special privileges.   But like everything in my life, I have adapted.  I’m sure other drivers have seen me as a jerk once or twice.  Although I never mean to be. 

Oklahoma is a lot different from Dallas/Ft Worth.  I lived in OKC for less that a year back in 2000.  I left my job and apartment and tried to see what life had in store for me there.  Anita, my sister let me live with her while I looked for a job. I had a twin bed in the corner of her second bed room. I also moved with a few small pieces of furniture and clothes.  And some boxes of drag of course. I had a rough break up with an ex and it was time to move on. A trip to the ER was all it took for me to be done.   I got rid of things I did not need or want.  I had parted with the stuff I had collected during my single years just prior.  Anita had two toddlers, my nieces. One was till in diapers. They were so cute and funny.  And they just grew up knowing about my dressing in drag for shows and pageant. Toddlers don’t question that kind of stuff. They knew even before they knew what it was. They thought I was a singer at a club or some thing. I found a job in Choctaw, working for a group home there.  I didn’t really like it but needed a job so I did it.  I only worked there about two months. I never put it on my resume.  Then I got a better job in down town.  I worked for a large hotel in downtown OKC.  I liked OKC. I was single and needed friends in my new city. I made some friends there and a few new drag friends too. I even dated a guy who would later become just a friend.  In fact I don’t think I even kissed him.  Some times that happens.  It was never anything more than two friends having fun.  He struggled with his own life and was in love with some one else.    I did drag at night and worked during the days.

My sister, Anita also worked for the same hotel.  I worked in the banquets department and Anita worked the hotel‘s upscale restaurant.  We worked together, but not in the same department. She also went though a tough break up with Leon, the father of her two daughters during that year.  They had their reasons. Anita was not happy. Eventually Anita and I decided rent a small house on the east side of the state capital.   This was the predominately black area of the city. We worked and split the bill, even though she worked more hours than me.  I would take the bus to work and then walk home at night. It was not very safe. I had gotten assaulted once and harassed often. There were times I would cry on my way home. My car had gotten repossessed because I could keep up the payments. I would also get rides from coworkers when I could.  I would eventually buy another one for cash.  I had that car for the next two years. 

Me with my three neices, Areona, Breona, and Cameron

me- The day of Anita's wedding

During those months I was still seeing GW.  He was living in Wichita Falls and I was in OKC. We had met at a New Years Eve party. I was dating other guys but never told him,  he would be eventually the only man I wanted in my life.   It was one of the few secrets I kept from him.  The other guys never amounted to anything serious. He was always on my mind.  I saw him as often as I could. I was trying to make it in OKC. I was working and doing shows. I had also started to sew.   My drag was slow at first.  No one really knew who I was plus the city girls were so far ahead of where I was in costuming and makeup. I was an amateur.  But over the months I used each set back as motivation trying harder at my art form.  I was only 24 and knew that drag was something that I loved doing.  GW and I continued to date and eventually, my heart would lead me back to Wichita Falls.  Yes, we had fallen in love and I wanted nothing more than to be with him. Even if that meant living in Wichita Falls again.  It was in Aug of 2000 that I left all my new friends, my sister and my home in OKC. I moved back to Wichita Falls.  I knew that being with GW was the right thing for me.  Anita was also expecting her third child in November of 2000.  GW, my mom and I would come back when she did.  I remember, GW was the most supportive man and my family loved him. From the beginning, he was part of  US, as a family.  That was important to me.  I have a picture at home that GW took of me, my mom and Anita and her new baby. I look at it today and its awesome to see what he saw. Like have a snapshot from his memory.  He was the eye behind the camera.  GW was there for many family moments, and I tried to be there for some of his family moments too.  It was strained relations with them.  Having a partner to share holidays and birthday and tragedy was all part of a relationship. I always wanted to marry GW, and sadly that dream never came true.  It left me feeling like I was not worth having.  That was an issue I wrestled with for years.  I once had a man who loved me, but would not make a commitment to me in front of God and our friends and family.

I have been to seven wedding in my life.  That seems depressing.  I have seen friends and family marry and enjoy their special day. Maybe I’m a selfish idiot, who is having trouble letting go of my own issues.  I had a year to find a date to the wedding.  But I did not. I want to be there for my sister, because she has a good man in her life. And they have struggled to stay together and build a good life.  I will not go to anymore weddings after this one.  I decided that just now.   I guess it is all too much for me.  Anita and I talk a lot about love and relationships, friendships and family issues.  I know I can trust her with the secrets of my heart.  Her wedding is the last one I will go to.