two safety pins and an old wig.

I truly wish that everyone has that one day in their life where they feel sexy, and beautiful.  So far I have not found it. I have felt beautiful many times. I always think I look nice. But never see myself as sexy.   And my attempt s to look sexy ends up feeling pathetic and stupid.  Once we did a hooker theme show.  It was supposed to be fun. Raunchy music and risque  outfits.....but  I felt underwhelming and inadequate in that department.  The crowd loved the theme. I was unsure.  I also find that no matter how many people compliment you, it is hard to overcome your own image of yourself.  I tried to dress in what I thought was a Hollywood version of ‘sexy street walker’ (that is a term I made up in my head).  I wore red-blonde hair and a tight short dress, some busted fish nets and my highest heel to added to the look.  My other friends in the show just dressed slutty.  They had lots of fake cleavage and lots of leg, wild hair and flirtatious attitude. Then just before my sexy number,  I decieded to rely on my comic talents instead.  I would be funny to cover my insecurities.   It was the first show that I didn’t take along a full gown or sassy dance costume.  In fact I rarely ever perform in a cocktail dress.  But I did have an extra wigs in my suit case.  I quickly safety pinned it on under my skirt.  I strutted on stage and at just the right moment, flashed my fake crotch to the audience.  They died with laughter. Yep, I had just won them over.  The crowd roared with applause and laughter. And they tipped well too.   Being a queen is similiar to being a clown/comedian.  You find a way to deal with your own insecurities and issues in order to connect with the audience.  I can't be sexy, but I can be funny!

Rainbow Ranch Texas

I went to Rainbow Ranch Campgrounds in 2007.  I had recently moved and was staying at home a lot. I felt very alone. But one weekend Tony Rux called me.  He had been one of the friends who had recently been there for me when GW passed away.  Tony and I have been friends since about 1997. We were both from Wichita Falls area.   He was always coming in and out of my life, but he was always a trusted friend.  Tony was in college when we meet.  I had just dropped out and  I was a only Out for a few years at the time.   We were both so young.  We loved music, theater, and were from small towns.  Tony is funny and smart. He also has a way of pulling people in a new direction they may not want to go, but Tony’s charm is hard to resist.  That is how he got me to go to Rainbow Ranch with him. My life was so blah at the time.  I sure Tony knew it.  I was broke except for a duffle bag full of pennies.  I cashed them in at the local Coinstar machine and decided to go with Tony.   I ended up with 60 bucks in pennies. That would be just enough o help cover my share of the food.

Rainbow Ranch is a campground on a Lake in Limestone County.  The nearest town is Groesbeck Texas.  Groesbeck is less than 5,000 people.  But on this weekend, the population swelled with gay men on camping trips. Who would have thought such a great place existed just 45 minutes East of Waco.  I love to camp but did not ever think camping and drag would ever be two things I wanted to do together, especially outdoors. Drag is more of an indoor “sport” Tony had made arrangement for him and me to stay at the caretakers’ house.  He was friends with the guy.  It was near the entrance to the camp and was a real home.  This was a three bed room ranch style home that the care taker lived in year round.  I was so glad not to have to sleep in a tent. Plus we could get ready for the evening show in cool comfort.  It rained all the way to Groesbeck.  But by the after noon, the sun came out.

We passed though the small town and turned down a narrow county road.  We drove another 10 minutes in to a heavily wooded area. The paved road ended and we turned into a gated entrance. I was not sure what to expect.  We had to pull over into the grass to let other cars pass.  There was an office building that looked like an old house. We stopped.  Once we checked in, we traveled down the campground road to the main campsites. On the way, we dropped out stuff at the Caretakers house.  It was a short drive to the lakefront camp grounds.  They had tent camping, RV camping and small cabins for rent.  I could see the lake, it was beautiful.  In the middle of the camp ground is “the pavilion”.  Maybe pavilion is too fancy of a word.  It is a sheet metal building that serves as a meeting hall. It had large garage doors on three sides and over looks the lake.   It can also be opened up during nice weather and on certain evenings, they do a potluck dinner.   On Saturday nights it became the dressing room for the outdoor shows. 

Just behind the pavilion was the amphitheater.  It was an open air stage and concrete square slab with a run way that extended into the crowd.  It was decorated with party colors and draped fabrics.  For the evening shows, Spotlights would be set up.  The campers, who were not in the show, would bring their lawn chairs and ice chest around the stage in anticipation of the show. Drink flowed easily and those who had too much to drink could safely stumble back to their camp sites.  

This would not be a regular show…This would be a camping drag-a thon. There were solo numbers and groups.  The groups had funny names….Like family names.  For example: the Quit family.  ShaNita Quit, Ivanna Quit, and U-needa Quit. They were groups of friends who worked on outfits and chorography.  Then they would wow the crowd with their performance.  The show would start at sundown and last until 3am or until the last girl took her final bow.  I was allowed to do three numbers.  Tony had told them about my level of entertainment and they welcomed me with open arms.  I was an instant celebrity.  I meet so many friends.  Many of which I still know.  I had a great time with Tony and his friends at the camp.  I always wanted to go back again, I am sure there are some fun times to be had there.  But none can top the first time.  It rained, and there was mud every where, but all that is out shined by the fun we had.  I still run into people in the gay community that remember meeting me at Rainbow Ranch campgrounds.  Next time I know not to bring my good heels.  In fact some where there is a picture of me standing behind stage with my shoes in my hand and wearing tennis shoes.  But don’t worry…I put them on right before I went out.  

some recent pics from OKC

It is time for a new look.  I like it.  And other are noticeing it too. These are from Last weeks gigs in OKC.

a few pics to share




Karri Lynn Summers, Hylan Park, Mattie Madison
and Lipps LaRue in Fort Worth

 


Mattie Madison, Jeannie Summers, Charity Case, and Cassandra Paige Jones at Miss Big and Beautiful USofA at Large



ROSE ROOM S4 DALLAS

 

 

upcoming events

JUNE 22  MISS OKLAHOMA USofA At Large Pageant -Angles OKC 10pm.  I was honored to be invited back to perform at Miss OK at large pageant.  I always felt like the former that was always over looked.  Maybe because It was so long ago that I held the title. Plus I don’t live in there anymore.   Now is my time to comeback better than ever.  I will bring them a little of my Dallas spirit.  Plus I am honored to be a head judge at this year’s pageant. 

JUNE 23- Anita and Ronald’s engagement party in OKC-7pm.  This will be a great time as we honor my sister and her fiancé.  They are getting married next spring. 

JUNE 23 – Gender Bender SHOW at Phoenix Rising- OKC 10pm.  I will be appearing at the Phoenix while I am in town. 

JULY 21-22  Fort Worth Coronation Weekend event- featured entertainer on Sat 7pm.  This will be a crazy-busy-good weekend.   I have once again been asked to sell dresses that I have made as a vendor.  I will set up my booth in the morning and selling through the afternoon.  My sister will be there to help me. I am also styling a friend that evening.  I am creating some new gowns for her to wear and she also wants me to do her hair.  She does not perform much anymore, and she wants me to put the “Mattie Touch” on her.  I will try to have it all done before hand.  I am also a featured entertainer that same evening at the event.  I will be doing it all. (but the money will be worth it)  The theme is Disco, something I love!  So I will be donning my afro and bell bottoms and have planned on performing my best disco mix. 

Thanks my friend

Just a personal thought:  The most special gift in one that your friend sends you. They knew it would brighten your day... and it did. 

Our last show will be in a nursing home

Deiree Devoe  has become one of my oldest drag sisters.  The first time I saw her I thought 'who is hell is that.'  She was wearing I gold blouse and short mini skirt.  She also had on a men’s jacket with the sleeves pushed up. I would later find out it was her Dads jacket.  I’m sure she did not get permission to wear it.  At that time, very few of our families knew we where drag queens.  She had styled her own hair and did not wear a wig.  She looked real.  There was no funky wig line. 

I was just a young queen; I had never been on stage. But I was using drag as a way to gain access into the bar.  I was barely underage.  My friends, would get dressed up in drag and go watch the shows.  And  Desiree had come with her friends to watch the shows too.  ”Desiree” was a local queen.  She was just a few years older than me.  She knew several of the top local queens, and soon became the hostess of a new armature night that the local bar wanted to start up. 

 Not long after meeting her I got to know “Desiree” as Doug.  Doug was the man behind the illusion of Desiree.  We became friends.  He was a few steps ahead of me.  He had his own drag, jewelry, wigs, costumes and had done shows at the bar.  I looked up to him.  Doug was also the new host and he used his friendship with the other queens to build the Friday night shows. Eventually that would include me too.  It was a training ground for new queens to try being a star.  He also worked part time at the bar and had another job working at a convince store.  We all did what ever we had to do to make ends meet and still buy some cheap drag. 

DESI

I remember more than once, buying stuff at thrift store, cutting them apart, and remaking them into drag costumes.  Once we even paid four dollars for a sack at the thrift store.  You would pay one price for anything you could fit into that bag.  I loved “four dollar sack day”.  We folded and rolled the clothes to make them smaller and fit more in the bag. We definitely got our four dollars worth.  I learned to never throw anything out. It can always become something different with a little imagination. 

We were both  young and inexperienced in drag.  We tried to always hove fun and be creative. We also tried to look glamourus.   We wore things backward, inside out, cut them up, pieced them back together and even glued stones to them.  We did all in an effort to stretch our budgets and limited resources.  It was fun turning lamp shades into hats and coats into dance costumes.  Once “Desi” took some football shoulder pads and fabric and chains and created a kick-ass costume for a show.  Then she lead a hot -hot guy in stage on a leash.  The crowd went nuts for that kind of stuff.  Desiree’s also took some netting and a belt an stapled it to look like a 80’s crendilene skirt.  She was doing some “Girls just wanna have fun” number.  Once I made her a green and white cheerleader shirt out of fabric and hot glue.  A body suit and pom poms added to the costumes and out she came; strutting onto the stage and lip syncing to “let’s hear it for the Boy”. 

Doug was also the friend I turned to when my parents were not talking to me because I was gay.  He gave me a place to stay and tried to mentor me into not giving up.  I remember many times relying on friends for support.  There were also times of jealousy.  Doug had become better know locally and was utilizing me in the shows less.  In short, we had some bad times. Too many to count.  It was also escalated by third party friends. Many of which were trouble makers.  I never under stood why people wanted to stir the pot.  If people would have left Doug and I alone, we could have worked out any differences and put the past behind us sooner. For several years we were not close,  But I still consider him a good friend.  We have both grown and moved on with life. We will always be  friends.  I never forget the help who helped me when I had nothing, especially Doug.  He is funny and smart.  And he loves his family.  Doug was there as a friend when my Mom died. We still call every once in awhile to gossip and catch up. I some times see Doug when I am in town.  Once day soon we are gonna go grab Chinese for lunch, just like the old days. Or maybe just a bag of burrittos from Fas-Pac convience store. Those always killed the hunger pains after a drag show.

Doug does not perform much any more. I am not sure why.  Desiree Devoe was very popular in Wichita Falls.  I assume it’s personal reasons.  We used to joke that one day we would doing shows in the nursing home.  I would be 90 years old, still wearing a jet black wig and Desi would come out with a microphone stand duct taped to her walker.  Our shows would start at 2pm so that we wouldn’t miss any meals.  Who know, that may be how we end up.  Either way it’s going to be a hell of a show!

I was once an Indian



Ike Pocowatchit



Birth:	Jun. 12, 1959 Chicago Cook County Illinois, USA
Death:	Sep. 3, 2002 Oklahoma City Oklahoma County Oklahoma, USA
CACHE — Funeral for Dwight M. Pocowatchit, 43, Cache, will be at 10 a.m. Saturday at the Cache Multipurpose Center. A prayer service will be from 7-9 p.m. Friday at Whinery-Huddleston Funeral Service Chapel. Mr. Pocowatchit died Tuesday, Sept. 3, 2002, in Oklahoma City. Burial will be at Post Oak Cemetery. He was born June 12, 1959, in Chicago, Ill., to Nedda and Virgil Allen Pocowatchit. He was a court clerk for the Comanche Tribe. Survivors include a brother, Randall Pocowatchit, Lawton; his grandmother, Mae Cable, Cache; two nephews: Miles and Andrew Pocowatchit, both of Elgin; a niece, Shelby Pocowatchit, Elgin; and an aunt and uncle, Janelle and Jim Shelmadine, Fort Wayne, Ind. He was preceded in death by both parents.   Birth:  Jun. 12, 1959 Chicago Cook County Illinois, USA Death:  Sep. 3, 2002 Oklahoma City Oklahoma County Oklahoma, USA
Burial:  Post Oak Cemetary Indiahoma Comanche County Oklahoma, USA

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I found a funeral obituary listing for a guy I used to date. He was Comanche Native American and an active member of the Comanche nation. I met Dwight “Ike”  Pocowachit in about 1997.  He and his cousin J.R. would come to Wichita Falls, from Lawton to party at the local gay bar. 
Wichita Falls and Lawton are about 45 miles apart. Wichita Falls was where I lived at the time we met.  The city of Lawton is located in the southwestern region of Oklahoma, approximately 80 miles southwest of Oklahoma City. Lawton Oklahoma's population was 96,867, making it the fifth largest city in the state. Lawton was built on former reservation lands of Kiowa, Comanche, and Apache Indians.  Lawton's landscape is typical of the Great Plains with flat land and gently rolling hills. Lawton sits just south of the Wichita Mountains. Many people from the tribes remain in the area.  Ike Pocowachit was a strong example of Indian traditions. 
JR and Ike had come to party.  I had seen them at the bar drinks in hand.  Jr was quiet and reserve but Ike loved to dance.  There was a joke that when these “out of towners” entered the bar, we should ‘circle the wagons.’  It was a crude reference to them being Indians.  They looked Indian too. Both had long hair and red skin. Some times Ike would wear a traditional vest decorated with native bead work over a pressed white dress shirt. He was a great dresser.  I loved the smell of Perry Ellis Cologne on his shirt the next day.  He felt it was important to be dress well at all times.   He was not ashamed to wear a feather in his hair.  To me he was very handsome. 
I was introduced to JR and Ike by other friends.  Ike was immediately attracted to me. I was young.   I was about 22 years old and shy.  He pulled me in the dance floor in attempt to make me loosen up and get to know me.  It worked. By the end of the night, we had plans to meet the next weekend.  It was the first of many trips I would take to Lawton to see and spend time with him. It must have been in early fall, because it was the first time anyone had taken me out on my birthday.  I remember how special he made me feel.  I fell for him hard. 

Ike also opened a whole new world to me. He was always involved in Indian tribal business and even worked for the tribe.  Plus Ike was a dancer at the pow -wows.  He competed in contests. He would dress in traditional regalia.  He hated the word costume.  He was true to his heritage and respected in his tribe. I learned a lot about Comanche ways and still know some words. I developed a kinship to the people because of Ike. He was not shy about bringing me along to tribal events.  Many times I would be mistaken for Indian.  But I am not. Tribe brothers knew who I was to Ike. But no one said a word about our relationship. They would always be polite and pass the Indian fry bread at the meal that always followed the contests. 

I remember once, we had partied into the wee hours of the morning before crashing at his place.  Then Ike drove like a maniac in order to make the registration for a contest the next morning.  I thought for sure he was going wreck my car.  He was half tired and danced like shit in that contest.  Too many drinks and not enough sleep is a terrible combination.  In some ways Ike was still stuck in college years.  Anyone who has ever matured into adulthood and over 30 may understand.  When you are in college,.18-22.  You enjoy partying and don’t worry too much about responsibilities and obligations the next day.  That was Ike.  He still thought the world was one big frat party.  He was into sex, young guys and drinking until you pass out.  All three would become his down fall. 

I loved him and I cared very deeply for Ike.  He was hot in bed and his party attitude made me want to party too.  I had always been so shy and quiet.  He showed me it was good to enjoy life.  I had already been doing drag.  Ike had been to a few shows, and introduced some of his Indian friends to me in drag.  It was the first time I had ever heard the word garish.  I was  hurt, because I thought I looked pretty.  The ladies in the group, I think were a jealous.  They knew Ike was gay, but they still wanted him. The always had their eyes on marriying with inthe Indian clan.
Ike was special and kind, but not perfect.  He had faults. He drank too much, was not dependable and never fully committed to any relationship. This included ours.  Yes, he was not faithful.  So I ended our relationship.  It was tough to love some one who did not love me in return.  I confronted him, found the truth and moved on with my life.  It took some healing but I would be ok. 

I meet GW a few years after dating Ike.  Then in 2002, Ike died. He had contarcted HIV and suffered complications from AIDS.  Victor, another Indian friend, called me.  He knew how much I cared for him and wanted to pass the news.  GW was there when I got the call.  I never told him that Ike was an ex boyfriend.  I lied and said he was just an old friend. It had been five years since I had seen him. I was sad about his death.  I always kept that from GW.  There was no need in rehashing the past in front of the man I loved currently.   I tucked the pain and loss away.   I have good memories of Ike.  The things he taught me remain.  I still eat Indian fry bread, and share my knowledge of Indian folk lore that I remember.  I also think of him with his beautiful hair with a feather in it.  And when ever I see Native American people today, I think “we better circle the wagons”.  Maybe one day I will find the cemetery where he is resting, just to say hello. Its been a long time.

a happy/sad thought

Well I imagined meeting a long time friend.  We are special friends who have never met in person.  I imagined I would cry.  I would want to hug them.  I would try to resist the urge to look like a blubbering mess.  I just want them to know how much I love them, respect them and how they changed my life.  Will I ever really meet them. No. Sadly. But I still got to imagine it.