a thought

When I was a kid, my dad liked taking us fishing. We would get up ready early and stop for bait. We would also stop for snacks. Usually that might be a loaf of bread and peanut butter or cans of potted meat and crackers.  Cans were sealed and did not have to be kept cold. That was most convenient.  I used to take cracker crumbs and feed the schools of minnows in the water. And sometimes the duck too. My daddy said it was wasteful, I saw it as sharing. 

showcase my creativity

I’ve been trying to be more creative in my show costumes. I have been learning some better drawing skills for garment design.  I’m so proud of how quickly I have been able to sketch designs now.  Understanding the human form has been helpful.  I will try to add some pictures to this blog of my work with movement and form.

 I have been sewing more. I was kind of in a slump for a while.  One of my more recent concepts was an Asian inspired dress. I found an amazing heavy weight stretch fabric. It was white with a metallic colorful floral print.  Scott helped me mix the music. I ordered some hair accessories and even rhinestoned  chop sticks to put in my hair. I used the color red for a strong accent color. I wore bright red jewelry and red gloves and shoes.  I felt so amazing.  I even camped it up a bit and passed out fortune cookies when the crowd tipped me.  I played coy and placed them in their hands.  I really had a good time with it.  I felt beautiful and felt like no one could ever do what I do in that moment. I think that is the key to being a successful drag queen.  You have to find a way to do what no one else can do.  I felt original.

I have many other concepts that I want to try next. This will allow me to push myself.  One such idea is a star wars theme. I want to be Princess Leia. And I have some ideas for the music.   I also want to be Maleficent. In fact, the costume is now done and it looks great. The only set back is that Scott has been out of town, and I don’t have music for it yet.  Hopefully we can sit down work on it this weekend. 

I love to sew show gowns and character costumes. I have a Dorothy wizard of Oz costume that I made last year. I found a musical parody version and made the costume to go with it.  I even had a basket and stuffed dog Toto.  It was so much fun.  I even had ruffle socks and red glitter shoes that I ordered online.

I also made two puppets to use for a show. I did the opening casino medley from Sister Act the movie.  We ( the puppets and I ) were all dressed the same.  I learned to lip-sync and puppeteer with both hands.  It was so challenging. But I got really good at it.  A friend told me that my puppets were the best he had ever seen.  I too, thought they turned out great and looked professional.  The hardest part is putting on two puppets, it takes some help to make sure they are straight and the clothes are hanging correctly.  Scott was helpful the two times I did the act.  I have aspirations to do a similar concept where it is me and two puppets dressed as nuns.  I have the fabrics, I just need to get busy on the construction. 

Annie Jr- a learning expreicence

I was asked recently to help with a school production of Annie Jr.  My friend Kevin is the drama teacher at a local Fine Arts Academy.  I met him about a year ago.  He was at a drag show and we became friends.  He wanted some help with hair and makeup for his play.  The students were in charge of creating a look for each character.  I borrowed some wigs from a friend. It really made the characters looks very professional.  The kids had a four day run. Over all it was six performances. I enjoyed helping the kids back stage and getting to know the teachers from the school.  There was only one hiccup when a particular student was resistant to my suggestions.  She had some attitude about it. I spoke to Kevin, the director and he was able to speak to the students. It felt good to know he had my back.  It was resolved quickly.

We made it through the production without any other issues.  Except with the light went out.  On Saturday, I arrived at 1pm for the first show. The theater was dark, and it seemed odd.  I found one of the teachers, a friendly woman who was the stage manager for the play.  She told me a car accident nearby, knocked out the power for the nearby down town area.  The theater was on backup power only.   Kids were half in makeup but unfortunately the 2pm show was cancelled.  There was some confusion about if the 7pm would happen. The electric company was working to restore full power.  The kids, who had been double cast, were willing to let other take the role for the night, because they had family coming to watch. I thought that was very considerate.  I went for a late lunch with friends and by 5pm the power was back on.

  I worked with mostly with the principle actors. I help them don wigs and touch up makeup.  I got to know a few of them, and could tell they were very talented.  As a group the orphans were so stinking cute.  You could tell they put their hearts into it.  The Miss Hannigan actress was very professional. She had a big personality that really fit the character.  My favorite was the actress that played Lily. She was so nice backstage and looked so pretty with a face full of makeup.  She let me work on her wig and it really looked great.

It felt good to show my makeup skills and be among students who have a similar passion for creating characters and bring it to the stage.  After all that is what drag is to me.  I am an actor too.  The fine arts school is amazing. They nurture the students’ abilities in acting, dance and singing.  We didn’t have any schools like this when I grew up.  If they had, I would have wanted to attend there.  I guess not everyone has those advantages.  The closest I got was being in one act play.  I must not have been very good, I only got minor roles.  I wish my teacher had shown more interest in me. It’s great to see how Kevin relates to his students.  The world needs teachers like him. I hope he is pleased with my help.  It was a learning experience and I enjoyed it. 

I have some pictures, but I don't feel I should post them. The students are under 18 and I don't have permission. 

my sewing history

A little bit of my sewing history.  I started sewing at a young age. Maybe 5 or six.  My mom would cut fabric for blouses or sometimes pants.  I would take the scraps and make things that I thought would be useful.  She taught me how to sew by hand using a few simple stitches. I paid no mind to matching threads, but used whatever I could find in my mother sewing things. She had a pair of black handled scissors made of heavy metal.   I used them to cut the fabrics in to shape, I imagined was a good size.  I made small pouches about the size of an envelope. I remember one was made with red fabric, and sewn with white thread.  I would add a button to fasten a button to close the pouch.  Unfortunately, I learned that the stitches were too far apart and the money would fall out.  Like many sewing project, it was trial and error.  I would keep trying to make things, including clothes for my teddy bear.

My mother used an old black singer machine that I was not allowed to touch.  It was heavy and painted with gold scroll work and the SINGER name across the arm. It was electric, but belt driven. It had a funny looking plug with prongs on the machine end of the power cord. Another wire that led to the power pedal.   I’m sure she bought it second hand, perhaps at garage sale.  I really don’t know. And sadly she is not here to ask. I would sit and watch for hours. I was trying to figure out how it worked. Thread turned in to fabrics into garments. My mother made clothes for herself, mostly because stores did not carry plus sizes. And those stores that did, cost too much money. This was a problem, I can relate to.

 I learned that turning the wheel raised and lowered the needle.  The more you depressed the pedal, the faster it would sew.  Even today, I love to sew fast.  I imagine, it similar to the rush a driver may get from slamming on the gas on the straight away. I learned how to thread a bobbin. Which, as a kid, I thought bobbin was a funny word. Mostly because the guy at the full service station was named Bob.  He was friendly and good at pumping gas, but he didn’t seem like a guy who would sew. ‘Bobbin’.  I guess little things like this are funny when you are five years old.  My mother sewed for years. She would make curtains and jackets. She made scrubs for nurses at her work. She made aprons and smocks too.  She many times would buy fabrics for blouses and spend the money on store bought things like the pants.  

I learned to mimic patterns, the way she had. She might buy a blouse and copy style using other fabrics.  She would sometimes make her own patterns.  Today, I can look at something and go, I bet I can make that.  Then I will go home and make my version of it.  I learned a lot that way.

When I moved out, my mother had stopped making clothes. That was about 1997. Her eyes got bad and she couldn’t see well enough to sew anymore. She one day I asked if I could borrow her old machine.  This machine she had  then was bought about ten years old.  She gave it to me. She said, “if I need it again. I will ask for it back.”  I had the feeling that maybe she was not ready to give it up permanently, but it would be permanently.  I don’t recall her ever sewing again.  I used that machine to make some of my first dresses and costumes.  Like most everyone, they were very basic. I was teaching myself as I went.  I sewed on that machine for three years. On Christmas 2000, GW bought me a new one. Imagine my surprise!  Soon to follow was a cutting table. No more laying it out on the floor, like a cave man.  I was developing a skill that would allow me to make extra money and show off new garments that I had made myself.  I went from sewing homemade dresses, to a level of  creative custom dresses and costumes.

last post of the year

2016 is coming to a close. It has been a wild year for most of o the people I know. I hope 2017 will be a new start or at least get better. We have added a new dog to our family Rosie and said a tearful good bye to one dog too Dory. Scott started a new job and is doing well at it. Our health is good overall and we continue to take care of ourselves. My nieces are growing up fast and have applied to colleges. Our house is still the prettiest on the block and we try to maintain it. Merry Christmas and A Happy New year to you all. 

a memory

I was in second grade we were split into small groups of five each.  We had to make a sports poster.  we decided to make a basket ball player.  So I was picked to be the model. Perhaps because I was tall.  I laid down on white paper and the others traced around me with pencil.  I posed like I was making a lay-up with one foot off the ground and an arm extended up like i was pushing the ball into the air.  We drew a circle for the ball. We then painted a uniform on our basketball man and even up a number on his back as if he was on a team. we gave him white sock with painted red stripes.  Those were popular during the time. after we got our project done we were so proud of it.  It hung on the wall of our class all year.

new shows.

Well so much has happened over the last few months.  I have been traveling and performing at local clubs.  It has really been fun being involved in Drag bingo and the new comedy show in Ft Worth.   I have been able to make several creative costumes because the show is about humor and sometimes parody songs. It has really allowed me to use my costuming skills to create over the top out fits.  I hope to continue pushing myself at other shows as well.  I am feeling like I have a new avenue to be creative again.  I have also been asked to sew some costumes for duets I am doing with the show host, Korina.  She has become a good friend.  We have also worked together for Drag Bingo on Mondays.  She host every week and books a guest to perform two numbers and co-host the bingo games.  I’ve made several new friends and enjoy being funny with the patrons.  

tied my shoes

I remember learning to tie my shoe.  I was about four, and I was with my mom.  She had been trying to show me for some time before. But it seemed too hard.  I was wearing a pair of athletic shoes.  They were blue with a white strip on the side. They tied with big white laces.  That is the image in my memory. We were sitting in the parking lot of a small auto garage; they did repairs and sold gas at their two pumps. My mom had an old car and the battery needed to be charges occasionally. This was in the late 70’s and I remember the attendant cleaning our windshield while pumping the gas whenever we stopped in.  It was an old wood frame building with bars on the windows.  I remember sitting in the car, and my mom showing me again how to tie my shoes.  I sat forward on the edge of the seat and my foot up on the center dash.  She talked me through the steps and I finally got it! I did it again.  And yes, I was successful.  I learned to do something on my own. 

For my brother

When I was a kid about 10, my brother and I would go fishing or hunting with BB guns.  There was a stock tank in the pasture behind out house.  If you crossed the road and walked about a quarter of a mile, the pond was hidden in some tree.  It was built for the cows to have water and it was stocked with fish.  We would hold the barbed wire up so the other brother could safely pass through the fence without ripping the back of our shirts.  We were not supposed to be on some one else’s property but we never saw anyone there, only cows.  We didn’t even know who the property belonged to. We often talked about trying to camp over night, but we never did.  It was probably best that we did not.  There could have been coyotes at night.  We would walk through the field of mesquite brush and wild grass all while avoiding the cactus. We would carry or BB guns or fishing poles.   We would walk up the embankment to the pond and survey to make sure it was safe.  The cows had left hoof prints along the muddy red shore and you could see the beat down trails down to the water’s edge.  The water was  clear as it got deeper.  In the shallow, you could see minnows and small fish. The large willow trees gave shade over parts of the water.  This was a perfect spot to fish.   We caught bass or perch using the worms we has dug at home.   A few times, we would reel in a snapping turtle who had taken the baited hook.  They could be mean when pulled out of the water, and it was often better to just cut the line rather than battle over the hook.  The turtle would return the water.

We used our BB guns to shoot cans, or trees across the pond.  My mother told us never to shoot birds.  It was fun and being with my brother made me feel like someone liked me. We would spend hours there. We would walk home if it got too hot or if the sun was going down.

For my brother who passed away in Dec 8th. 2015.  

My great grandparents

Alice Verdin and Antonio Verdin 1950 Oxnard CA

I was lucky to vist my Aunt and find so many family photos.  Some I had never seen before.  I hope to post more soon.  I have a huge folder of them, I just need to organize them.

just an interesting idea

The Back Forty

My mother worked cooking in restaurants and would later work cooking at the local Jr high school.  But to supplement her income in the mid 1980’s, she would make extra cash cleaning.  She has a few long term jobs where she would clean once or twice a week.  Each time making 20 or 30 dollars for a few hours of cleaning. She worked for Barry Jones, who ran the local grocery store in town. He and his wife Linda were easy to clean, because their children were grown and they kept the house tidy. Still they paid for my mother to clean once a week.  And she did.

She also cleaned for the local two doctors for a few years.   They were married doctors who lived in a big two story home, Dr Alberto and Dr Eloisa Banez. They were nice people, and very intelligent.  I would often ride the bus across town after school, and walk to the Banez house. I help with small chores or often time watch the big screen TV while my mom finished her cleaning. We didn’t have cable, so watching TV after school was a treat.  Sometimes I would play with their dog Blondie, the most beautiful cocker spaniel.  She loved tennis balls, probably because mister Dr Alberto Banez enjoyed tennis.  I saw his equipment and gear when dusting in his office just off the den.  My mother would clean for different people over the years, even people she did not like, if the money was good.   She was trusted to perform a job and from what I know, she was good at. 

She cleaned homes, offices and for while she cleaned at one of the local bars.  My mother was not a patron and going to bars was not something she did.  (Only once I remember her having a girl’s night out with friends at a night club in Wichita Falls)  My mother enjoyed life but was not a party animal. Yes, after a weekend of business, she would clean The Back Forty Lounge. 

Her friend was running the place and need someone to clean after hours.  The Back Forty was on the outskirts of town north of Electra.  It was a cinder block building with a metal roof. It wasn’t much to look at when you pulled into the gravel parking lot.  It was big inside and had a wood dance floor and a band stand for live music on Saturday nights.  There was also an old piano what was hopelessly out of tune. There was also a juke box along the wall and two tiny bathrooms just across from the long bar.  My mother’s  job would be to clean it all.  I remember my mom unlocking the coin slot on the juke box. She enjoyed music while we cleaned.  We would drop the same quarter over and over and play songs we liked without really spending any money.  She would start behind the bar cleaning. Then I would wipe the tables and sweep while mom cleaned the store room and restock everything. Then she would clean the bathrooms.   The smell of cigarettes and beer would soon be drowned out by the smell of Pinesol and water.  Nothing was worse than the men’s room after drunken men have used it.  Those long yellow cleaning gloves really came in handy.  When all the work was done, the tables and chairs were reset, and the floors swept and mopped.  The last thing we would do is lock up the coin box and turn off the juke box.  It would be ready for another night of business.  Mom would get her money and we would go home. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  2016.  I hope everyone has had a great start to the new year.

I have always struggled with reading comprehension. And recently discovered that Audio Books are ways for me to enjoy books again.  Here are the ones I have enjoyed recently.   I seem to enjoy memoirs, and historical fiction. A couple of these I have already "read" twice.  I can use the bluetooth in my car to listen while driving and also I can listen while I work. But I have to be careful to to laugh out loud in the office during the funny parts. I also enjoy telling Scott about how my book is unfolding.

Go Set a Watch man- Harper Lee was the first book.  and my most recent is The girl you left behind By Jojo Moyes.

The faux Gypsy

Every year the PTO, the Parent Teacher Organization would host events including the Halloween Carnival at the local Junior High. The money raised would be used for scholarships.  Once, when I was elementary age, my mom took us five kids to the carnival.   I remember games and prizes all set up in the gym and cafeteria.  Some of the class rooms included a cake walk and haunted maze. I always wanted to win a cake.  It was fun for little kids and my brother and older sister enjoyed the games as well. Especially since they were allowed to play and roam without the supervision of my mother. My mother gave them their own tickets to play. Me and my two younger sisters stayed with my mother and played kid games like the treasure dig and duck pull or throw darts at the balloons.  These were simple games where you dug in the sand for prized or picked a floating duck that had a prize number on the bottom.  We got our stuffed toys and moved on to the next activity, giving up tickets for each time we played. 

My mother stopped in to see the fortune teller.  It was really just a teacher wearing a gypsy costume and long black wig. She would read your palm and say things like “you will have a long journey soon”.  My mother paid the ticket and placed her palm on table and then in the hand of the faux gypsy.  We sat outside the curtain in class room chairs and waited for mom’s reading.  I could hear the conversation and see though the sheer drape.  The gypsy started. “You have a long life line, see here as it crosses your palm?” She traced the fold of my mother palm.  So far so good, I thought. “And you will go on a long journey soon. “  We knew that one was coming; she seemed to say that to everyone. “You are wise and smart.” She continued.” But I see here, you are skeptical.” And mother was after all this was just pretend. We knew that.

  “ah ha!” she said with an exciting pause,  ”I see here you have three children.”  My mother was playing along and obviously unconvinced.  The woman seemed to be searching my mother palm again.  But my mother replied without missing a beat.  “Well you better check the other hand, because I have two more children somewhere!”  She quickly turned her wrist and placed the other hand on the table.  The genuine laughter broke the short silence between the actress and my mother.

my mama  Wendy Castillo Flores

Yes, my mother has made the gypsy woman smile and laugh out loud and most of all break character.  This story still makes me smile when I remember it. We enjoyed the carnival, and the fortuneteller booth was the best price of a ticket ever spent.   

A lost post, is now posted

I started this post in February but only recently posted it.  

Feb 2015:

We got a new dog recently.  Scott and I already had four between us.  But when we got our new house, I felt like I wanted a new puppy to love.  Scott was against the idea.  I knew he would be, after all two miniature Schnauzers and my Chihuahua and Jack Russell mix was already a hand full.   They are all good kids.  I think Scott was against a puppy, because they need attention and training.  All of our other dogs are mature dogs.   Even our youngest schnauzer was almost 3 years old.  She thinks she is still a puppy.  And indeed Scott picks her up and cuddles her like a baby.  When Scott asked what I wanted for Christmas, I jokingly put a puppy on the list.  I knew Scott would laugh and it would not happen.  Two weeks before Christmas I had friend at

the Irving Animal Shelter on Face book.  They would post pictures of pets that were available for adoption and also upcoming adoption events.  They would also post pictures of animals where had been in the shelter for an extended time and needed to find a new home as soon as possible.  They called these Code Red pets.  One afternoon I saw the picture of a red Chihuahua named Roscoe.  He had been in the shelter for almost two months.  It broke my heart.  He was eight years old and apparently been overlooked because of his age.  He was so cute. I told Scott about him.  I serious I was about Roscoe.  The next morning, I contacted a friend named Michael, who worked in the same building as the Irving Shelter. My friend had gone over to see Roscoe and told me he was a sweet boy and had lots of energy to play.  I knew I wanted to see him for myself. I wanted to know if Roscoe was still there.  I also contacted the shelter to see what was required to adopt.  I had told Scott and he agreed that I could visit the shelter but there was no guarantee that we would get a new dog.  My heart went out to this little guy.   I understood what it is like to be over looked. All creatures alike want to be loved.  I was just going to visit, but Scott told me he would meet me at the shelter.  My friend Michael said Roscoe was a “love bug”.  We walked in the gallery to see all the dogs in cages. Some dogs were sleeping, some  dogs were playing and most barking to get attention. Roscoe was standing, looking around.  We took him to a visit room and I fell in love with him.  We took him home that day and he because part of our family.  I was glad to him in and felt he was a wonderful funny guy.  He enjoys riding the car and we took selfies while I drove just minutes after he left the shelter.  He loved riding in my lap and watching the other cars pass by.  We also discovered he loved letting you rub your feet on his back while you sat down.  He liked the attention.  He was so smart and super cute.  And he loved being in his new home.  We enjoyed sharing our life with him too.  He would often go for a ride in the car with his new Daddy and Papi. He oddly would ride facing backwards and look out the back window at the world.   He often kept me company when Scott was out of town for business travel. Roscoe also enjoyed having other dogs to live with.  I thinks Jazzy is his girlfriend.  He loved being in the flowerbeds around the pool and once or twice I would put him in the pool.  He obviously did not like it, and would avoid getting to close if I was in the pool for a swim. He would cut his eyes at me and quickly move out of my reach.  He would always make me laugh. I don’t know why anyone would over look such a good dog, as he was in the shelter for almost two months.  I’m glad we got him!! 

July 2015

We had to say good bye to our little Roscoe today. I have been a mess, crying and broken hearted.  We had just come home from the store and I foolishly put some left overs on the floor for the dogs to make room for the groceries in the fridge.  Roscoe took a hamburger patty and started eating it.  He started choking and was unable to get it back up on his own.  I saw him struggling and tried to pat him to help him,  Scott quickly picked him up and manually tried to remove the lodged meat chunk.  Roscoe was wheezing but not able to breathe.  Scott was quick to start CPR and continued to try to help him.  We held him and I cried as he slipped away.  I never meant to hurt him but my mistake of giving them leftovers is something I struggle with now.  I feel it is my fault.  I told him I was sorry, and that the months he was in our home were so special.  He little lifeless body is something I will never forget.  I am thankful for Scott, he was covered in vomit and I’m proud that he tried to save Roscoe.  I will have to find a way to make peace with this tragedy. Scott said he does not blame me, and I struggle not to blame myself.  I feel like a failure, because we loved him and wanted Roscoe to have a happy life.  He left us too soon and I feel I let him down.  Up until his death, he was the happiest little dog and he died knowing that we loved him.  I am happy that he was part of our life.  Roscoe was our first baby together.  He was a sweet boy.  I’m sorry that it ended this way, you will be in my heart forever.  I think of you every time I’m in the flowerbeds.  Scott and I will miss you.

Thank you to Scott for everything you do.  You are so wonderful whenever I am hurting and sad.  

the smell of old houses

When we lived on Ave B, we referred to it as the “old house”. In fact my sister and I still do. Even though the old house and the new house we move to after that are both since torn down.  The old house has a smell about it that I remember from childhood.   Recently while at an Estate Sale in OKC, I smelled it again.  It is a mix of dust and old wood trapped in old rugs/carpets. The air was pushed around by fans in this 1920’s home.  We walked in to the sale and I immediately knew I had smelled it before as a kid.   My nose soaked it in as I remembered our old home.  This house was large with oversized doorways and windows.  The front living room was anchored by and large brick fireplace. Each side was flanked by chest high built in book cases. I could see wood floors peeking out under old rugs and carpets.  The dining room in the center of the house was so large that it was used as a pass through from the kitchen on one end to the bedroom on the right side. It was essentially the hub of the house.  The large pieces of furniture were placed around the room along with a full sofa. It was a large room. The dining room was grand and spacious with high cross beam ceilings.  This house was a lot grander than were I had lived.  Still the similarities stood out as we shopped the sale.  There was much to choose from. The woman who had died apparently lived a long time in this old house on 39^th street.  Her furniture was amazing and classic. They were well priced antiques, but were out of my budget.  Her cloths were vintage fashions from the 1950’s and 60’s.  She has so many hats, that they were all just heaped into a large box for sale.  I saw many pieces, I‘d love to have them but sadly what would I do with them? They were too small.

I did find a few small items including a piece of Carnival Glass.  I think it’s a tooth pick holder but I will use it as a votive holder.  It will remind me of the day I smelled our old house again.

Our old house

When I was a kid, probably under 5 years old, we lived in a big house on Ave B.  Our house was on a large lot with big trees on each side of the house.  The lot was so big that our property was the span of two lots back to back.  I think this house was there before the neighborhood.  There was no drive way only a dirt drive that lead from the street to the house.  My parents bought it from a black family who lived there for several years.  I believe it was the Monroe family.  My parents had moved from Texas to Kansas and back again because my Dad worked for a highway constructions crew.  This was the house I was born in 1974. 

The house was very old and being poor had many challenges.  The three bedroom house was in bad condition.  We only used two rooms, one bedroom and the kitchen. It was easier to heat and cool two rooms.  My mother told me that when we were babies, we slept in a drawer next to the bed because there was no baby bed. When we got older, we had a cribs.  I remember my parents not having money. My mom would wash clothes in the bath tub.  She would ring them by hand and hang them to dry outside on the clothes lines.  That’s what you do, when you can’t afford the Laundromat. My mom would later get a washer when I was in Junior high.

My mother would boil large pots of water on the stove in order for us to take a bath. We only had cold water in the kitchen and the bath tub. There was no hot water at all in the house. We would usually bathe all in the same water.  Usually she would sit my brother and I back to back in the tub.  That way she could bathe us and we would not spend too much time just playing in the water.   I remember that at the end of the tub was a homemade shelf that was made of three short 1 by 4 planks that were nailed together.  This shelf was where the shampoo and soap was kept.  But being a small child I could see under it.  I remember there were spider webs and egg under it. I was frightened that the spider would bite me.  I would cry and cry until finally the bath was over. My mother never knew why I hated taking a bath, and I was too young to tell her.

We had to pour water into the toilet with a bucket in order to flush it. I guess the plumbing was so bad that the water lines were nonfunctional.  It was something that we never told people about; it was common to not tell people how we lived.  Hot water was a luxury but we made due.