Last night I wrote an entire blog in my head because I could not sleep. I was dictating it to myself and writing it mentally. I woke up at 1am and was awake until about 3 am. As I lay there I was thinking about things I enjoy other than drag. I have been trying to push myself to not be defined by drag. It has allowed me to seek out new people and new activities. Once upon a time I liked doing other things.
When I was in college I met many new people. I was a music major and the department was made up of undergraduate students and some graduate students. Some were working part time as teaching assistants and finishing required classes. They seemed so old compared us freshman. I was 19 and barely making it to class. But luckily my performance music classes were during the after noon. I was more awake by the after noon. I was in marching band too. During the fall it was fun and definitely a wild group. I was shy and only hung out with the few people I knew. I tried to blend into the group. I was a solid musician and had been all state in high school. There was no doubt that I could play. But the section was full of upperclassmen that did not have interest in welcoming me into their group. I had gone from being at the top of my game in high school to being treated like a nobody in college. That was a tough feeling. My classes continued to get harder and I continued to care less. I needed a place to feel included. Being gay and not too open about it was hard. It would be another year before I would be out to my friends and family. I did not know who to trust and wanted to seek out others who may understand. I finished my freshman year with ok grades, but I was unhappy. I loved music, but did not want to be stuck with a bunch of jerks for another marching band season in the fall. The following fall I decided to try something different. I had made friends with a girl in the band. She was interested in joining the color guard. I told her I would help her, after all I had zero experience. I knew I could help her. After helping her work on a try-out routine, I was hooked. I wanted to try out too. So I did. I tried out for the flag line and also for the rifle line. Most of the guys who tried out for rifles were considered more masculine. Masculine in a female dominated group: sounds silly. I was the only one who didn’t make the rifle line. Oh well, I just was not that good at rifles I guess. I was better at flags so I got offered a spot on the flag line. But how would I tell my mother. This was not the musical education she was hoping I would get out my time at Midwestern State University. I some how convinced her that it was just a one time thing. I told it was just for fun and she reluctantly gave her blessing. She was very hesitant and knew that I would be made fun of. The general school body was very closed minded. I think they still are. Lord knows I was called ‘flagg-It’ more than a few times. I made it through the fall football season with out any major incidents. I liked being with the group and most of the straight girls were nice and made me feel more welcome than the macho men in my old instrument group.
Midwestern also had a Winter Guard group. Winter guard is an indoor color guard activity, derived from Military Ceremonies. Unlike traditional color guard, winter guard is performed indoors, usually in a gymnasium or an indoor arena. Performances make use of recorded music rather than a live band or orchestra. Winter guard ensembles commonly perform routines at judged competitions officiated by local and regional associations using criteria developed by Winter Guard International. Winter guard seemed like a fun way to improve my limited color guard skills. I had barely made the flag line, but honestly they would have taken anybody. (Even an unskilled performer like me.) So I signed up for winter guard. We would meet a couple of times a week and our instructors would teach us routines. It was a more theatrical and dance like that anything we had done as part of marching band. There were about 15 of us students. We had three instructors. One would teach the drill. Drill was the movements of the group. They told is where to stand and where to move in time with the music. Then we had an instructor that choreographed the flag routine. Once we learned the “show”, we would actively practice it and work on synchronized movements and being expressive with our movements. It was fun. I truly enjoyed it. It was a combination of music and dance and expression. We practiced and prepared for competition. We would pack up the University vans and travel to regional competitions. It was fun traveling and occasionally we would stay over night. There would be other groups from other universities and also high school groups who competed in a Scholastic category. Each one presented musical and theatrical color guard routines. Also during these events, individuals would perform solo routines for the judges. I tried to do a solo, but I always ended up second or third place. Our guard was pretty good. But we were not the best. The judges always liked our music and costumes, but we always fell short when we were up again some powerhouse groups who had long histories of being top winning groups. Still, we tried hard to adapt our routine so that it would improve for the next competition.
Winter guard was the first time I had ever seen a drag queen. We were out of town and staying in a hotel. All of us guys had to share a room. We were all adults, but they always made us sleep boys and girls separate. We were hanging out and discussing the results of the competition. I was too young to drink but some how ended up having a rum and coke. It was horrible. But still I sipped on it. One is the older girls called me out in the hall to talk. “Hey, it’s Tony’s birthday and Jason is going to come in a surprise him. Tony was our drill instructor who was also a graduate student. Jason was his friend. I did not know Jason very well, but apparently Jason was a performing member of the same group the year before I joined. I think Jason was well liked but he had transferred to a different school or something. Jason was there to watch the competition and joined the after party at the hotel. “Will it bother you to see Jason in Drag?” I was confused. I had no idea what drag was. I didn’t want to seem stupid. “ No, I don’t care” I said quickly. I don’t know why they asked my opinion. I was just sitting on the floor not knowing what was going to happen next. One is the girls put a CD in the player, we generally used it to rehearse our flag routines with but tonight it was providing music for the party. Tony was sitting in the middle of the bed and laughing with the others. There was an impromptu speech. Everyone raised their red solo cups and beer cans to wish Tony a happy 24th birthday! Just as Tony said thank you, a Madonna song came on. It was “Like a virgin” In walked a tall blonde wearing a trench coat. . She wore sunglasses and a wild colorful head band. It took a few seconds to realize it was a man dressed like a woman. This was not really a woman at all. It was Jason, Tony’s friend. The blond wig he had on was curly and almost platinum in color. He was tall and thin and moved his mouth mimicking the lyrics of the song. It didn’t take long for him to remove the overcoat and sunglasses. He had on makeup and bright lipstick. Underneath he wore a tight mini dress. It was spandex and he wore long gloves. Everyone laughed and clapped as Jason acted out the song. Tony was hiding his face in a pillow and trying to look away. Jason had on high heels and walked quickly as the music played. He pranced in front of the group and tried to get Tony’s attention. I was so confused, so I laughed along out of uncertainty. I was scared that Jason would some how focus on me. I was not sure how to react if he did. I pretended that Tony’s surprise was the funniest thing I had ever seen. It did seem silly for a guy to dress up like a woman and act so queer. The girls in the group knew that Jason had dressed in drag. They said he kept it a secret from his family and had to keep his drag in the trunk of his car. I assume so his parents wouldn’t find it. Tony was laughing so hard I thought he was gonna pass out. And I was just plain confused. How would you ever tell your parents about such a strange behavior? Yes, I had seen my first drag queen: a man in a dress, acting like a woman. I remember seeing Jason take off the wig. He was hot and sweaty. His makeup was running. He sat drinking a beer and trying to catch his breath. Even the other guys in the group seemed to congratulate him on his outrageous skit. How weird.
I did not know too much about Jason back then. But always remembered his name. My life moved on, and apparently his did too. I left school. I did not know what happened to any of the girls from the color guard group or what happened to Tony the instructor. I left it all behind as my life changed. I would mature and eventually come out. It wouldn’t be long after that I started my drag career performing in local shows. I guess I was always looking for a place to belong.
I ran into Jason in about 2009 in Fort Worth. I was in drag for a show. I remembered him right away, but I not too sure if her remembered me as quickly. I’m glad he got to see the more professional drag Me, not the ugly boy in a dress I started out. It was weird talking to anyone who ever knew me from back then. No one today knew how much I enjoyed color guard in college. Jason and I talked about the old color guard days even though it had been about 15 years prior. A few of my friends, who are involved in coordinating the local pride festivities, are also friends with Jason and he had come to support a fund raiser show. I never knew we had friends in common. He still looked the same but had never really explored his passion for being a drag entertainer. I’m sure he never thought the shy kid sitting on the floor in a motel room would some how, one day switch places with him. But we had. After all, He was the first drag queen I ever saw. I became the drag queen and he became the spectator. Jason sent me a message on facebook. He is still in the Fort Worth area and he recently shared that is still teaching color guard. He was always great at it. He is in a relationship and I’m happy to still know him. He says hello when I see him out and he is a friendly person. He is one of the few friends who remembers me, before I was Me.
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