I have always struggled with reading comprehension. And recently discovered that Audio Books are ways for me to enjoy books again.  Here are the ones I have enjoyed recently.   I seem to enjoy memoirs, and historical fiction. A couple of these I have already "read" twice.  I can use the bluetooth in my car to listen while driving and also I can listen while I work. But I have to be careful to to laugh out loud in the office during the funny parts. I also enjoy telling Scott about how my book is unfolding.

Go Set a Watch man- Harper Lee was the first book.  and my most recent is The girl you left behind By Jojo Moyes.

The faux Gypsy

Every year the PTO, the Parent Teacher Organization would host events including the Halloween Carnival at the local Junior High. The money raised would be used for scholarships.  Once, when I was elementary age, my mom took us five kids to the carnival.   I remember games and prizes all set up in the gym and cafeteria.  Some of the class rooms included a cake walk and haunted maze. I always wanted to win a cake.  It was fun for little kids and my brother and older sister enjoyed the games as well. Especially since they were allowed to play and roam without the supervision of my mother. My mother gave them their own tickets to play. Me and my two younger sisters stayed with my mother and played kid games like the treasure dig and duck pull or throw darts at the balloons.  These were simple games where you dug in the sand for prized or picked a floating duck that had a prize number on the bottom.  We got our stuffed toys and moved on to the next activity, giving up tickets for each time we played. 

My mother stopped in to see the fortune teller.  It was really just a teacher wearing a gypsy costume and long black wig. She would read your palm and say things like “you will have a long journey soon”.  My mother paid the ticket and placed her palm on table and then in the hand of the faux gypsy.  We sat outside the curtain in class room chairs and waited for mom’s reading.  I could hear the conversation and see though the sheer drape.  The gypsy started. “You have a long life line, see here as it crosses your palm?” She traced the fold of my mother palm.  So far so good, I thought. “And you will go on a long journey soon. “  We knew that one was coming; she seemed to say that to everyone. “You are wise and smart.” She continued.” But I see here, you are skeptical.” And mother was after all this was just pretend. We knew that.

  “ah ha!” she said with an exciting pause,  ”I see here you have three children.”  My mother was playing along and obviously unconvinced.  The woman seemed to be searching my mother palm again.  But my mother replied without missing a beat.  “Well you better check the other hand, because I have two more children somewhere!”  She quickly turned her wrist and placed the other hand on the table.  The genuine laughter broke the short silence between the actress and my mother.

my mama  Wendy Castillo Flores

Yes, my mother has made the gypsy woman smile and laugh out loud and most of all break character.  This story still makes me smile when I remember it. We enjoyed the carnival, and the fortuneteller booth was the best price of a ticket ever spent.   

A lost post, is now posted

I started this post in February but only recently posted it.  

Feb 2015:

We got a new dog recently.  Scott and I already had four between us.  But when we got our new house, I felt like I wanted a new puppy to love.  Scott was against the idea.  I knew he would be, after all two miniature Schnauzers and my Chihuahua and Jack Russell mix was already a hand full.   They are all good kids.  I think Scott was against a puppy, because they need attention and training.  All of our other dogs are mature dogs.   Even our youngest schnauzer was almost 3 years old.  She thinks she is still a puppy.  And indeed Scott picks her up and cuddles her like a baby.  When Scott asked what I wanted for Christmas, I jokingly put a puppy on the list.  I knew Scott would laugh and it would not happen.  Two weeks before Christmas I had friend at

the Irving Animal Shelter on Face book.  They would post pictures of pets that were available for adoption and also upcoming adoption events.  They would also post pictures of animals where had been in the shelter for an extended time and needed to find a new home as soon as possible.  They called these Code Red pets.  One afternoon I saw the picture of a red Chihuahua named Roscoe.  He had been in the shelter for almost two months.  It broke my heart.  He was eight years old and apparently been overlooked because of his age.  He was so cute. I told Scott about him.  I serious I was about Roscoe.  The next morning, I contacted a friend named Michael, who worked in the same building as the Irving Shelter. My friend had gone over to see Roscoe and told me he was a sweet boy and had lots of energy to play.  I knew I wanted to see him for myself. I wanted to know if Roscoe was still there.  I also contacted the shelter to see what was required to adopt.  I had told Scott and he agreed that I could visit the shelter but there was no guarantee that we would get a new dog.  My heart went out to this little guy.   I understood what it is like to be over looked. All creatures alike want to be loved.  I was just going to visit, but Scott told me he would meet me at the shelter.  My friend Michael said Roscoe was a “love bug”.  We walked in the gallery to see all the dogs in cages. Some dogs were sleeping, some  dogs were playing and most barking to get attention. Roscoe was standing, looking around.  We took him to a visit room and I fell in love with him.  We took him home that day and he because part of our family.  I was glad to him in and felt he was a wonderful funny guy.  He enjoys riding the car and we took selfies while I drove just minutes after he left the shelter.  He loved riding in my lap and watching the other cars pass by.  We also discovered he loved letting you rub your feet on his back while you sat down.  He liked the attention.  He was so smart and super cute.  And he loved being in his new home.  We enjoyed sharing our life with him too.  He would often go for a ride in the car with his new Daddy and Papi. He oddly would ride facing backwards and look out the back window at the world.   He often kept me company when Scott was out of town for business travel. Roscoe also enjoyed having other dogs to live with.  I thinks Jazzy is his girlfriend.  He loved being in the flowerbeds around the pool and once or twice I would put him in the pool.  He obviously did not like it, and would avoid getting to close if I was in the pool for a swim. He would cut his eyes at me and quickly move out of my reach.  He would always make me laugh. I don’t know why anyone would over look such a good dog, as he was in the shelter for almost two months.  I’m glad we got him!! 

July 2015

We had to say good bye to our little Roscoe today. I have been a mess, crying and broken hearted.  We had just come home from the store and I foolishly put some left overs on the floor for the dogs to make room for the groceries in the fridge.  Roscoe took a hamburger patty and started eating it.  He started choking and was unable to get it back up on his own.  I saw him struggling and tried to pat him to help him,  Scott quickly picked him up and manually tried to remove the lodged meat chunk.  Roscoe was wheezing but not able to breathe.  Scott was quick to start CPR and continued to try to help him.  We held him and I cried as he slipped away.  I never meant to hurt him but my mistake of giving them leftovers is something I struggle with now.  I feel it is my fault.  I told him I was sorry, and that the months he was in our home were so special.  He little lifeless body is something I will never forget.  I am thankful for Scott, he was covered in vomit and I’m proud that he tried to save Roscoe.  I will have to find a way to make peace with this tragedy. Scott said he does not blame me, and I struggle not to blame myself.  I feel like a failure, because we loved him and wanted Roscoe to have a happy life.  He left us too soon and I feel I let him down.  Up until his death, he was the happiest little dog and he died knowing that we loved him.  I am happy that he was part of our life.  Roscoe was our first baby together.  He was a sweet boy.  I’m sorry that it ended this way, you will be in my heart forever.  I think of you every time I’m in the flowerbeds.  Scott and I will miss you.

Thank you to Scott for everything you do.  You are so wonderful whenever I am hurting and sad.  

the smell of old houses

When we lived on Ave B, we referred to it as the “old house”. In fact my sister and I still do. Even though the old house and the new house we move to after that are both since torn down.  The old house has a smell about it that I remember from childhood.   Recently while at an Estate Sale in OKC, I smelled it again.  It is a mix of dust and old wood trapped in old rugs/carpets. The air was pushed around by fans in this 1920’s home.  We walked in to the sale and I immediately knew I had smelled it before as a kid.   My nose soaked it in as I remembered our old home.  This house was large with oversized doorways and windows.  The front living room was anchored by and large brick fireplace. Each side was flanked by chest high built in book cases. I could see wood floors peeking out under old rugs and carpets.  The dining room in the center of the house was so large that it was used as a pass through from the kitchen on one end to the bedroom on the right side. It was essentially the hub of the house.  The large pieces of furniture were placed around the room along with a full sofa. It was a large room. The dining room was grand and spacious with high cross beam ceilings.  This house was a lot grander than were I had lived.  Still the similarities stood out as we shopped the sale.  There was much to choose from. The woman who had died apparently lived a long time in this old house on 39^th street.  Her furniture was amazing and classic. They were well priced antiques, but were out of my budget.  Her cloths were vintage fashions from the 1950’s and 60’s.  She has so many hats, that they were all just heaped into a large box for sale.  I saw many pieces, I‘d love to have them but sadly what would I do with them? They were too small.

I did find a few small items including a piece of Carnival Glass.  I think it’s a tooth pick holder but I will use it as a votive holder.  It will remind me of the day I smelled our old house again.

Our old house

When I was a kid, probably under 5 years old, we lived in a big house on Ave B.  Our house was on a large lot with big trees on each side of the house.  The lot was so big that our property was the span of two lots back to back.  I think this house was there before the neighborhood.  There was no drive way only a dirt drive that lead from the street to the house.  My parents bought it from a black family who lived there for several years.  I believe it was the Monroe family.  My parents had moved from Texas to Kansas and back again because my Dad worked for a highway constructions crew.  This was the house I was born in 1974. 

The house was very old and being poor had many challenges.  The three bedroom house was in bad condition.  We only used two rooms, one bedroom and the kitchen. It was easier to heat and cool two rooms.  My mother told me that when we were babies, we slept in a drawer next to the bed because there was no baby bed. When we got older, we had a cribs.  I remember my parents not having money. My mom would wash clothes in the bath tub.  She would ring them by hand and hang them to dry outside on the clothes lines.  That’s what you do, when you can’t afford the Laundromat. My mom would later get a washer when I was in Junior high.

My mother would boil large pots of water on the stove in order for us to take a bath. We only had cold water in the kitchen and the bath tub. There was no hot water at all in the house. We would usually bathe all in the same water.  Usually she would sit my brother and I back to back in the tub.  That way she could bathe us and we would not spend too much time just playing in the water.   I remember that at the end of the tub was a homemade shelf that was made of three short 1 by 4 planks that were nailed together.  This shelf was where the shampoo and soap was kept.  But being a small child I could see under it.  I remember there were spider webs and egg under it. I was frightened that the spider would bite me.  I would cry and cry until finally the bath was over. My mother never knew why I hated taking a bath, and I was too young to tell her.

We had to pour water into the toilet with a bucket in order to flush it. I guess the plumbing was so bad that the water lines were nonfunctional.  It was something that we never told people about; it was common to not tell people how we lived.  Hot water was a luxury but we made due.  

Our old house

When I was a kid, probably under 5 years old, we lived in a big house on Ave B.  Our house was on a large lot with big trees on each side of the house.  The lot was so big that our property was the span of two lots back to back.  I think this house was there before the neighborhood.  There was no drive way only a dirt drive that lead from the street to the house.  My parents bought it from a black family who lived there for several years.  I believe it was the Monroe family.  My parents had moved from Texas to Kansas and back again because my Dad worked for a highway constructions crew.  This was the house I was born in 1974. 

The house was very old and being poor had many challenges.  The three bedroom house was in bad condition.  We only used two rooms, one bedroom and the kitchen. It was easier to heat and cool two rooms.  My mother told me that when we were babies, we slept in a drawer next to the bed because there was no baby bed. When we got older, we had a cribs.  I remember my parents not having money. My mom would wash clothes in the bath tub.  She would ring them by hand and hang them to dry outside on the clothes lines.  That’s what you do, when you can’t afford the Laundromat. My mom would later get a washer when I was in Junior high.

My mother would boil large pots of water on the stove in order for us to take a bath. We only had cold water in the kitchen and the bath tub. There was no hot water at all in the house. We would usually bathe all in the same water.  Usually she would sit my brother and I back to back in the tub.  That way she could bathe us and we would not spend too much time just playing in the water.   I remember that at the end of the tub was a homemade shelf that was made of three short 1 by 4 planks that were nailed together.  This shelf was where the shampoo and soap was kept.  But being a small child I could see under it.  I remember there were spider webs and egg under it. I was frightened that the spider would bite me.  I would cry and cry until finally the bath was over. My mother never knew why I hated taking a bath, and I was too young to tell her.

We had to pour water into the toilet with a bucket in order to flush it. I guess the plumbing was so bad that the water lines were nonfunctional.  It was something that we never told people about; it was common to not tell people how we lived.  Hot water was a luxury but we made due.  

a broken arm

I remember I broke my arm in junior high. We had two tetherball posts in the school yard.  The game was fun, but physically challenging. The area was sand pit with a tall metal pole in the center.  Tetherball is a game for two opposing players. I was playing against a guy bigger named Cullen. He outweighed my by at least 30 lbs and he was taller too.  The equipment consists of a stationary metal pole, from which a volley ball is hung on a rope, or “tether”. The two players stand on opposite sides of the pole. Each player tries to hit the ball one way; one clockwise, and one counterclockwise. I was chubby and not really able to reach up high or jump up to block the ball from spinning around the pole. But I could hit it hard.  The game ends when one player manages to wind the ball all the way around the pole so that it is stopped by the rope. To me, height was the key to winning the game.  Cullen and I played and he was winning, no big surprise. The game got heated and several times we wrestled over control of the ball.  We would jump and try to hit the ball in our respective opposite directions.  I knew I may lose, but I kept trying.  At one point, we both jumped up to intercept the ball as it spun around the pole.  The big Ox knocked me backwards and I fell hard. At the same time, he lost his footing and landed back ward on top of me. It was an accident. And yep, you guessed it, the fall and excess weight broke my arm just about four inches above the wrist! Ouch!  A broken bone in my forearm caused immediate pain. I had to support my injured arm with your other hand and went to the school office.  I knew they would call my mother. She came to get me. The injury began to swell and I could not rotate my arm without pain.  She took me to the local hospital for an X-ray. X-rays are the most common diagnostic imaging technique and can show if the bone is broken and whether there is displacement (the gap between broken bones). They can also show how many pieces of broken bone there are. The radius was fractured but not out of alignment. 

This was a simple fracture, but it sure hurt a lot.  The ER then sent us to the clinic to have a cast put on. I chose the color red because it was our school color.  They first wrapped my arm in cotton gauze.  They applied a rolled fiberglass bandage mesh over it. This synthetic material contains polyurethane and sometimes bandages are thermoplastic. These are lighter and dry much faster than plaster bandages. This would form a hard shell they would keep my arm in place while the bones healed.  It was not the old fashioned plaster cast I remembered a classmate having in first grade.  It smelled funny, I guess from the chemicals in it. But after a few days the smell went away.  I would have to wear it for about six weeks.  Sometimes it would itch.  I would have to take a wire hanger and scratch inside the cast.  I would also have to shower with my arm in a bag to keep it from getting wet.  A few times, I was in a hurry and just stuck my arm outside the shower curtain.  Friends at school, had signed it and after six weeks, I was glad to get the darn this off.  I looked funny with one skinny, white arm.  It would eventually return to it former look. My dad suggested riding with my arm out the car window so it would get tan in the sun.  This was his attempt at fatherly humor.  

Vernon College 1993

I graduated in the spring of 1993. I had plans to attend Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls. I had already applied and submitted transcripts along with my ACT results in the early spring.  I was accepted and had spent time visiting the campus and meeting faculty.  Some faculty members, I had met during my senior year at various music competitions. They would come to recruit young aspiring musicians. The music department at Midwestern was a solid program. They were interested in me and had offered me a scholarship to attend their school. My plan was to pursue my fine arts degree in music after years of musical training. College was my ticket out of Electra. They were pleased with my musical abilities and interest peaked when I competed at the Texas All state Solo contest for the past two years. I had also auditioned for the area band and earned first chair.  I was the top player in my area of the state.  Midwestern was not the only school interested in me. I had turned down an offer to attend Oberlin Conservatory of Music in Oberlin, Ohio. The Conservatory of Music offers four-year undergraduate programs leading to the Bachelor of Arts degree. It was a prestigious school that came with a high price tag.  The cost of out of state tuition was a big deal and even with a scholarship, I would go into debt in student loans. There was no way I could reasonably go there. 

About a month before I was to graduate, I was called to the office.  I hated going to the office, and thought I was in trouble.  I had no idea what it was about.  I was introduced a woman named Ann.  I think her last name was Green. I am not sure, after all it has been over twenty years.  She was from Wichita Falls and was in Electra to meet a few students.  Apparently, my name had been given to her.  She was friendly and seen anxious to sit down and talk.  We found a table in the student center.  She asked me about my time in high school.  She seemed to like the fact that I was involved in music. It was unclear to me why she wanted to talk to me.  She also asked about how I was going to pay for college.  I told her I had a scholar ship and some help from my family. Plus I was going to work while taking classes.

Ann asked me if I had ever heard of the JTPA.  That is where she worked.  I had never heard of them.  She explained that there was a program that would allow me to earn some credits during the summer and work part time too.  I had no plans to go to college in the summer,  I was enrolled at MSU in the fall.  She took time to explain more.  Vernon Junior College was part of the program.  They would provide housing in their dorms and students would attend college classes on the Vernon campus.  The program alos provided part time jobs for the students in the program.  There were 40 students in the program that were from towns in the area.  The best part was, there would be no cost to me. My family was considered economically disadvantaged.  That is a polite way of saying, we were poor. 

The Job Training Partnership Act of 1982 (JTPA) was a United States federal law passed October 13, 1982, by the United States Department of Labor during the Ronald Reagan administration. The law was the successor to the previous federal job training legislation, the Comprehensive Employment and Training Act (CETA). It was repealed by the Workforce Investment Act of 1998 during the administration of President Bill Clinton. The law was enacted to establish federal assistance programs to prepare youth and unskilled adults for entry into the labor force and to provide job training to economically disadvantaged and other individuals facing serious barriers to employment. This program would help me earn 12 credits before I started my classes in the fall at MSU. 

Some students started the program in the Summer I semester, but did not come back for the Summer II semester.  I was able to take freshman English, College algebra, and even a history class. I would go to class in the mornings and work in the afternoon.  I was supposed to work at the local library, but was asked if I might like working at the local chamber of commerce instead. They had originally requested a female student to do clerical work. I would have to dress nice every day and wake up early to iron my shirts. Most everyone else went to work assignments in short and t-shirts.  I said yes!  I was a clerical assistant and worked under the direction of the executive assistant Ms. LuJuana Long. She was an older woman who was friendly and smart. She taught me about the chamber business and gave me responsibilities and duties around the office.  I would type letters, file documents and help greet visitors.  I also worked helping the executive director set up for meeting.  His name was John Bates.  He was a super nice older man who could talk your ear off.  He loved telling me stories about how he grew up in far south Texas. They were really good people to work for.  After work each day, I would wait out front of the Wilbarger court house for the van to pick me up and return the students back the college campus.   A few times, the program director Frank Grima, would pick me up in his blue 1965 Impala.  It was old with vinyl bench seats and no air conditioning.

I liked living in the dorms. I had spent time at music summer camps for the last few years, so being away from home was not really a problem for me. Plus Vernon was only 30 minutes away from Electra. I could go home on the weekends and talked to my family often.  I had a roommate who was a pain the neck and very messy. The first day, he had taken over the room and his mess made a terrible first impression.  I don’t think we could have ever been friends. Most time we just stayed out of each other’s way and did not socialize together. So for the second summer semester, I requested a room change.  The program also had mentors who would take us on weekend trips and served as liaisons for the manager of the program.  You could ask them questions about the program and they would coordinate group activities such as dinners out on the weekend and even took the group to see ‘Texas, the outdoor musical” at Palo Duro Canyon near Amarillo.  I made friends with the other students in the program as well as the “regular” students in my classes.  I liked Fridays, because we would get paid for our work and could cash our checks at the campus business office.  I had my own car. A few of us would go eat or occasionally found someone to buy alcohol.  We would drive up and down the local drag which stretched across Wilbarger Street from the court house all the way to college. We would drink in the car.  My mother would have freaked out if she knew, but really I was enjoying my new independence.

My classes all went well.  There was one, algebra, that really kicked my butt, but I passed with a C.  The instructor moved so quickly, I often didn’t understand.  I could tell college was a totally different ball game. 

I was thankful for education and experience I gain that summer.  I would eventually lose touch with friends from Vernon College.  I gained work good experience and enjoyed working the Chamber office. I was touched at the end of the summer when the chamber bought me a small gift for being such a good intern.  They enjoyed teaching me and I enjoyed learning from them.  I had a head start on my college education.  And I gained independence from living in the dorms.  It was a good experience for me and I’m thanks for the people involved in the JTPA program who made it all happen.  

Peckers

Mattie Madison on stage at Peckers in Dallas. 01/25/2015

cars

Cars I have had. 

1978 Monte Carlo -89-90 My first car, smoked a lot, and turned out to be a lemon. But it looked good. Sold it. 

1980 Bonneville -90-93 My moms old car.  Ran really good, and had it for a few years.  Transmission went out

1986 Mercury Topaz -93-94 My Dad bought this car and I hated it.  But it ran. I drove this my freshman year in college. It had a short and some times the lights would not come on.

1985 Buick Electra-  94-97 Drove this car in college.  It was a great car that I bought on my own.  I paid it off in one year and drove it for two more without a payment. That was nice.

1990 Chevy Lumina- 1997-1999 This was aAnother good car.  Used, but still nice. Black with red interior. I used to drive it to Dallas on the weekends.

1990 Ford Bronco II- 1999-2000. This car was clean, but at the time I was not able to make the payments, so it got reposed.

1985 Nissan Sentra 2000 This was an old car, but I needed one. It was blue and she liked to drive fast.

1984 Olds 98 2000-2001   This was a great old car. I used my tax return to by it for cash.  I was only working part time and it was nice having no payment.  I gave this car to my mother.  She drove it for a few more years.  I hav a pic some where of us next to it. 

1985 Buick LaSabre 2001-2004  GW and I saw this on the carlot.  Paid cash for it so we would have a second car.  I drove it primarily.  I had the windows tinted and it looked good. 

1990 Chevy Suburban 2002-2005 GW sold his truck and drove this Suburban after we moved to Arlington.  He drove it while in graduate school at UTA.

1994 Chevy Lumina 2002-2007 We sold the suburban after it  was stolen and returned to us with damage. GW took over driving the LaSabre and I paid cash for the Lumina.  I had had two cars after he passed away.  I eventually sold  both. There was no need in having two cars. 

1994 Bonneville 2005-2009 I got the Bonneville  about a year before GW died.  It was super clean and it was paid off no long after that.  So I kept it fro a few years and only had major work done it once.  I was broke a lot, so no payments was blessing.  The transmission went out and the engine was in bad shape. So I sold it .  I remember how bad that day felt. It was was hard letting go of things at that point. 

1996 Bonneville 2009-2013 I changed jobs and got a better. I had some money saved and put a down payment. It just happened to be another Bonneville. This was a great car, The Mattie Mobile.   I got in a wreck and it was totaled.  Scott came to the hospital and took care of me. 

2000 Infiniti I30 2013 I used my whole check and money from a friend to get another car.  I lked this car, but after a few months, it started having problems.  I could not afford to fix them all.  I let the dealer have it back. 

2013 Hyundai Sonata 2014-present Scott and I bought this car together.  I call her the Baby Blue Rocket. 

I typed this really fast. please for give my spelling and grammar and punctuation. 

Am I special yet?

When I was a kid, no one ever asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I really had no idea what I could become.  I used to make up plays, and act out movies or Tv shows with my siblings. But no one really cared about the future.  We were too busy just being kids.  Perhaps if someone had planted the seed into my head, I would have given it some real thought and worked at a young age to make that dream come true.  It amazes me when you see 14 year old teenagers in the Olympics.  I assume they trained for years to achieve high level of success in athletic sport such as gymnastics.  I might have wanted to be a doctor and dream of helping the sick. Perhaps an early curiosity in science may have lead me in that direction.  Or maybe I would be a lawyer I would win cases and sending criminals to jail.  That would have been rewarding.  Once we took a field to the central fire station in Wichita Falls.  Our town only had a small volunteer fire department.  So, Wichita Falls Fire Department was the real deal.  We got to meet firemen and see the big trucks as part of our tour. Being a fire man would have been an exciting career.   I may have wanted to be a rock star.  I remember kids would dress up as a rock star for Halloween.  My parents never pushed me into activities such as sports. I probably would have resisted, if they had.  We had local little league and school sports, but I had no interest. I did, however play summer baseball, but never was very good at it. I was always in right field.  I only played two seasons. I got involves in scouts in elementary school, my mother was our Den leader.  We had weekly meetings and community projects.  They were fun and we worked to earn merit badges.  I did meet one man, a Scout leader from another town.  His group was at the same summer camp as ours.  He has friendly and seemed to enjoy teaching and mentoring.  He told me that one day I would be someone very special. I don’t know if anyone had ever said that to me before. I sure didn’t feel very special.  I was always struggling, trying to fit in.  As I think about it now, I wonder if maybe he knew I would be gay. Perhaps I exhibited some characteristics as a child, I’m not sure.  I don’t think that kids are aware of such things while they are happening. I some time wonder if I ever became someone special.  I guess you don’t see it while its happening. 

New Year's Eve past

I used to spend every New Year‘s Eve in drag all through my twenties.  It was fun.  Friends and I would all meet up at the bar and ringing in the New Year together with party hats over our wigs and noise makers in our hands.  We would dress in our most glamorous party drag.  We would spend time styling wigs and buying makeup, and sometimes new outfits. The Asian ladies at the wig store loved a group of gay cross-dressers in their store.  They didn't care, they saw dollar signs and were eagar to let us try on wigs.  I remember beaded cocktail dresses were in style in the 90’s.  I had a purple and gold one that was my favorite. It paired well with some size 11 black heels that were comfortable to wear all evening.  Back when I started drag, most of my shoes were black, because shoe sizes were hard to find.  And my outfits were black too.  I would drive across town to get the larger sizes from Payless.  But you had to get there before the black ladies raided the store.  They would wipe out the 11,12 and 13’s.  New Years was always a good time. The bar would be packed.  All of the tables would be reserved. But for me, the drag social butterfly it didn't matter.  I would mingle all night and enjoy being “seen” in my best drag.  In a small city, I knew most everyone at the bar. After all it was the only bar in town.  I was also no stranger to a free drink or two.  We drag queens would also travel in packs to use the men’s room.  Most night we would use the ladies room, but on this big night, these were already too many females in there.  Plus most butch dikes were offended by men in dresses peeing standing up.  But it was the call of nature, but it took an extra minute to retuck our dicks and shimmy up our panty hose again.  Perhaps females were just impatient or felt invaded. 

I always felt the bar was more a men’s bar. Men liked  to drink and socializing and taking home the occasional trick from the bar. Lesbian couples on the other hand were more inclined to be domestic.   They would meet and quickly move in together after a few weeks.  They always seemed to want to play house.  I guess that was a girl thing; making families with a domestic partner and children from previous relationships.  Men seemed to enjoy sleeping around or having anonymous sex in the local parks. Some even got arrested for doing so. No one was interested in true dating and getting to know another guy. Two guys living together in Wichita Falls also made life difficult because of closed minded community. I only knew a few committed couples back then.  I guess most gay guys wanted to be free, and not confined to martial roles. This is something that is more accepted in today’s society.  Men like to play house now too.  The challenge has always been finding a man who would accept the wigs, clothes and make up.