Fingers crossed.

I will now start planning my next pageant season.  I am really thinking I will jump into a regional and not wait until Miss Gay Texas rolls around.   I don’t want to wait until the end of the season to be noticed by the America system. Even if I dont place, they will notice me.  I want to start my PR work early.    I will need to plan carefully.   Do I have enough time?  Can I pull together the money for the national pageant? Not everyone will achive Miss Gay America, but everyone has the oppurtunity to try. You are only a failure if you don't try.   I know where I have been and where I want to be. I want to prove to myself that I can make top ten at MGA. Fingers crossed.

this just popped in my head

We used to live in this two story house.  It seemed large to a little kid.  The house was large, but very old.  I think I may have talked about it before.  We lived there until I was in first grade then we moved across town.  The old house was falling apart, but because my parents were poor, we called it home and tried to make the best of it.  When you are a kid, you really don’t know any different.  You assume that that is just the way things are.  It does not bother you that the sink in the bathroom does not work, that you don’t have hot water coming out of the faucet and that mama got out the big pots to boil water on the stove on bath night.  We didn’t have a phone, no cable.  In the summer we had box fans in the windows and sometimes faced them out ward to pull the hot air out of the house.  The old house was where we lived when my brother and older sister started school.  Like most young kids, my sister was the first to get involved in after school activities.  She was a member of Campfire.  Camp Fire USA, originally Camp Fire Girls of America, is a nationwide American youth organization that began in 1910. Its programs emphasize camping and other outdoor activities for youth. Camp Fire's programs, including small group experiences, after-school programs, camping and environmental education, child care and service learning, build confidence in younger children and provide hands-on, youth driven leadership experiences for older youth. They also sold candy.  I am not sure if they still do, but I remember my sister getting dressed up in her uniform and selling boxes of it.  My mom would make her practice her “lines”. I guess if kids knew what to say they would be able to sell more candy.  My mom would close the bed room door. My sister would pretend she was at a neighbor’s door and give her sales speech while my mom would play the role of  the neighbor /sales victim.  They would try answering the door several times and with different scenarios.  For instance, if the customer said ‘I’m sorry I don’t eat candy’, my sister was taught to say, “perhaps you should purchase some to give to your grandchildren. Candy make a nice gift”  It is funny what you remember from child hood.  It was just something silly I remember. 

Packing and upcoming move.

I wrote this quickly and as usual, I am sure ther are alot of spelling and grammer mistakes:  But here you go world.....

This has been the longest week ever.  I have not so busy at work. But the days seemed to drag by slowly.  I have been tired a lot and not too sure about my upcoming move. I have been packing slowly will do more on saturday  and sunday.  I have to pack all my stuff up and be ready to move in a few weeks.  Just days after Christmas. I am sorting, cleaning and fixing things as I go.  It is heard to believe that I still have so much stuff even after giving away things every time I move.  I have two of every thing it seems.  That is an ok thing , if it were money. There is never enough of that to go around.  In fact I have toyed with the idea of selling some of my antiques on ebay.  I have pottery collection, lead crystal, china, and antiques all that seem to collect duct. I have a saying; if you don’t need it you have to kiss it and say good bye to it. That may mean clearing out the clutter, selling unwanted items or just giving things away. I have so many treasures that I inherited from GW.  But maybe it is time to down size.  I don’t like moving.  I guess that explains why I have been in the same apartment for four years.  It is time for some fresh paint and a new start for 2013.  I always say I have two of everything and I probably do.  I have my coat closet with boxes from the last time I moved.  They will get moved from one closet to the other. 

There are some positive notes to this move.  It is only a short local move.  I am staying in Irving.  So I should be able to move the big stuff in one day. Plus I have freinds who will help me. That should cut down on the moving expense.  Also I am moving into a bigger apartment.   I have several living room pieces including two large book shelves, sectional sofa, recliner and large coffee table. Man, I have a lot of stuff.  Plus bed room furniture and Washer and dryer.  And closet full of drag, fabrics, and craft supplies.  I can feel the stress coming on again.  Maybe I should not think about it. 
I will also be down sizing my fabrics and crafts.  Many times I buy inexpensive crafts, trims and fabrics and them store them until I have a creative idea for them. Very seldom do I buy a fabric with a true idea of what it will become. I create as I go.  Also I try not to waste anything.  Large scraps can always be paired with solids and make a whole new garment.  I joke and say to the girls in the show" wht, you like this old peice of scraps" . They always laugh, but scraps keep my outfits unique and eyecatching. This challenges my creativity and sewing skill.  I usually let the project create itself.  The design is some times dictated by the availability of materials.  For example, yellow.  I have enough fabric for a yellow gown.  I may also have a yard of orange as accent color.  I then pull out all my trims that go with yellow.  Such as stones, appliqués, beads, trims.  And then try to see what I can do with them.  I also like to stone in three colors.  No one likes yellow stones on yellow fabric.  So I mix in yellow, orange and pink.  The color pairing are just ones I think look good together. I seem to have an eye for color combinations. 

Here are some of my fav color combinations.  Lime green and gray, brown and pink, orange and navy, purple and red, brown and orange, green and navy, white and lavender….and many more that pop into my head.  I love color, but ironically the last two dresses I’ve made were plain black.  

Sewing and show

dancing my ass off at Garlows Toys for Tots show

Well I have returned back to doing shows.  The last few shows have been good. I did one two weeks ago locally.  I made a new costume, 31 yards of fringe.  I was very pleased with how it turned out. Then at the show I danced my ass off.  Plus we had a great crowd!  I feel stronger and more confident that things are headed in the right direction. 

Being sick for the last few months has been very scary for me and my friends/ family.  It seemed that my life had become nothing but work, doctor appointments, tests and physical limitations.  Illness has been difficult for me mentally too.  I was weak.  I was trying to put on a brave face.  I didn’t like being dependant on others.  I didn’t want to be a burden.  Now I am improving and feel mentally better too.  I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, how was I going to pay all these bills, plus work and visit the different doctors.  I had cried way too many times over the last few months.  The support of friends and family has been amazing.  I really could not do anything, but take it one day/challenge at a time.  I had gone back to working full time right after getting out of the hospital.  But honestly, I was not well.  I had no choice.  Money pays the bills.  So every day, I struggled to be there, be productive and just earn a living.  I had also been helped by my family and friends with groceries and gas money when I needed it.  These small gifts really helped me get by as I recovered.  They also let me know that other cared about my well being.  I returned to the Lung specialist and he was pleased with my progress.  I have some scarring in my lungs, but overall my pneumonia is healed.  My oxygen level are 99%. I was happy with his results. I don’t have to go back to him anymore.  I just go to my regular doctor now.  (one less  doctor to see!)

I know that friends who faced similar health issues understand.  I have another friend who was diagnosed with diabetes and she worries about being able to financially afford to take care of herself.  I just recently got received the hospital bill. It was over $28,000 for my six day stay in the hospital.  My insurance paid the majority but there is still part that needs to be paid.  I guess it is like the old saying ‘you can’t get blood from a turnip’.  I will pay what I can and try not to stress about the balance that will carry over every month.  I will just paying what I can. 

  I am more of my old self than in recent months.  I traveled out of town this last weekend and had a great show.  I got to see some of my friends and help out a great charity organization.  We raised money for Toys for Tots.  There are many groups that do this kind of fund raising.  Many children will enjoy a brighter Christmas.  I was just glad to help and be apart of the effort again this year. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed shopping for the kids too.  We raised 4700 in cash, a donor gave 2200 in new bicycles, and another donated about $500 worth of new helmets to go with them.  The total raised was about 7000$ total!  That felt awesome to be a part of it! 

Singing at the Toys for Tots Show at Garlows

Toys for Tots shopping trip the morning after the fundraiser. Our group donated 4700$ in toys! I was so proud.  

stars and moonlight

Once when I was in maybe 7^th grade, the school took us on a night time field trip.  It was necessary to go at night so we could see the stars.  We were learning about astronomy in science class.  The Principal was a amateur star gazer with a personal telescope.  It was neat to see the star that had hovered over my head every night of my life. I had never really looked at them.   Each star has a unique place in the night sky.  Some shine brighter but each is special.  There used to be advertising on TV infomercials that you could call and sign up to name a star.  You would name a star and get a certificate claiming the right o name it all for a small fee. Back then, the most common price for anything you saw on TV was $19.95.  It was an evening filed trip that required all the students, teachers and parents meeting at the local Jr. High school. Then we all boarded a bus and travel about 5 miles out of town.  There was an oil well and storage tank facility on the outskirts of town.  Like most oil producers in the area, these storage tanks located just off the main highway.  Large trucks can easily access them and pump oil and water that is used in producing wells.  These large flat areas made a perfect spot for parking a bus full of kids and setting up a telescope in the open cleared area.  We would be shielded from the lights of the local town by the small hills that surrounded that side of town.  The stars and moon light were bright enough to light the area, even at night.  It only took a minute for our eyes to adjust to the dark.  The human eye is a great thing; it allows you to see more clearly even in low light.  We talked about the role of the universe and how stars are formed. We also had a general over view of what we had learned in class.  We each took turns view different constellations and clusters in the night sky.  We observed the Milky Way and the North Star.   It was a fun and different kind of field trip.  I’m sure I can’t remember everything I learned but I do remember the fact that learning was fun. Every time I look up at the stars I remember that field trip.  You don’t see many stars in the Dallas area, it would be nice to travel to a secluded area to watch the stars and enjoy the moonlight.

school picture

This was too cute not to share.  My sister in OKC sent me this.   I have not seen it in maybe 25 years.  My mom had picutres from us kids in school, but so many are gone now.  A girl I went to school with posted this on FB.  She and I were in the same class, but are not friends now. My sister said there are more out there, I will see what else turns up and add them.

But there I am in 1st grade.

feeling better

I am feeling so much better today. I was able to walk all the way in to work, with out bunny –hopping through the lobby.  In previous days, I would get so winded that I would walk from the car to the front door at work and sit to catch my breath.  Then I would walk from the lobby to the elevator. I would get off the elevator and sit in the chairs near by.  Then once I caught my breath again, I would continue to my work department.  These shorter trips would help me “catch-up” and make it to my desk.  Pneumonia made me weak for several weeks.  My doctor appointment yesterday was a good one.  My weight is back up. My lungs are healing and ox levels are up.  I am also very pleased with my new doctor.  I and have access to her and her office staff 24hrs via the internet portal they have set up.  How cool is that. Work is going well; my boss is allowing me to flex my hours in order to go to my appointments.  That means is I take and hour on off, I can stay late on another day to make up for it.  My doctor encouraged me to start walking like I was before.  This will build me muscles and stamina.  Things are looking up.

baseball

I played little league baseball.  I was not very good at it.  My mom signed me and brother up.  It was pretty much free for any of the local kids in town. I think there was a small fee and the uniforms were sponsored by local businesses. It was the early eighties.  We had a few girls who played too but that was not common.  It was less diversified than it would be today.  In fact the girl who played in my age group is now an adult lesbian. I remember she was one of the best players. Our team was the Royals.   We even had a female coach. Her name was Midge. Her son was on our team too.  Midge was not very pretty, if fact she was kind rough around the edges to say the least. When Midge talked, you listened. Or she would tell your mom.  She understood the game and liked kids. Midge made the game fun even the fat kid in far right field.  Yep that was me.  I remember sitting in the grass picking dandelions.  Not much action ever happens in far right field.  Most players are right handed and hit the ball to the left field. That is where the action was.  I saw more action from the coach’s practice hits than I ever did in a real game. Midge would holler “look alive out there”.  That meant get ready, get off your butt and I’m gonna hit one in your direction.  She would hit one to me and I would have to catch it, or chase it.  She also taught us the game.  Not that I am an expert.  But some times I understand what going on if I see a game on TV. 

We had practice four evening a week.  There is a baseball field on the west side of town.  It was called Biggs Field.  I don’t know who “Biggs” was, but the ball park was pretty small. It was nothing fancy. Games were played on the main field.  Practices took place other the dirt ball fields behind the main field. Some teams practiced at empty lots around town due to limited access.  The main field was surrounded by chain link fence.  It had bleachers, cinder block dugouts, and a concession stand that served from both sides and sat right behind home plate.  The mom’s who worked the concession stand always bragged that they had the best seats in town.  They could practically look over the umpires should and make the call themselves. Parents would fill the stands all season, every Saturday.  The games were pretty much back to back.  Starting with the youngest kids in the morning and carried on in to the afternoon.  Then in the evening, the older teenagers played. By this time they had to the turn on the lights because the sun was going down. Some times parents would sit in their cars and watch the games.  My mom said it was so they could drink and smoke cigarettes.  That was one thing adults were not allowed to do in the stands.  After all, this was a family sport. They would park around the perimeter of the field and pull right up to the fence.  The only draw back was getting your windshield broken by a foul ball.  I remember it happened to Ida Livingston’s van.  She was very unhappy.  She was a local mom, who son played ball with the teenage teams.  I remember too, if you caught a foul ball, you got a free snow cone. 

I think our team was probably average.  We finished the season.  We didn’t get the big trophies like the top team did.  But it was a positive experience.  I got me involved with my peers and my mom got a lot of dandelion bouquets that summer.

Fire up the sewing machine.

I guess I will make s list of thing I need to work on.  Since I have not booked any shows, I can use d my down time to do some sewing.

I need to sew a dress for Lipps LaRue of Dallas.  She has already pre-paid for a couple of dresses.  She was kind enough to help me by paying up front. Now it is time for me to deliver some things amazing for her.  I had wanted to get started on this a few weeks ago, but that was when I was sick.  Now that I have the time. This should me be my number one project.  She is interested in something similar to Jacquelyn Chatelaine’s “peacock color” dress. I posted picture of it previously.  She loved the flowing over skirt and  sparkle.  I start brain storming this weekend at home. 

I need too also look and see who else I have put off.  Maybe I can ask around and see who needs some costumes/dresses made.   That would generate some cash if I get a few orders.  Or maybe I will sell of the ones I recently made for myself.  I will make a few calls.

I maybe an old lady, but I'm still here!

I started 2012 with a prospect for a new relationship. That guy seemed to be someone who could be long term. (Not every one knew about him.) Just a select few. But it did not last. It ended after a few short months of dating. So there I was, refusing to shed a tear, but bravely let it go. I pushed my self to find a new me again and move on. After all, I am an amazing person with lots to offer. I sought out a new adventures with friends, enjoyed being Miss Gay Texas State and enjoyed my new position at work. I also worked on my finances, getting in shape and improving my appearance. All of these things translated in to me inner being. It made me feel better about my self. The summer passed. I finished my rein in a grand way back in September. And at that point felt pretty good. But the last month and a half have been a roller coaster. Losing weight is generally accepted as a good thing. I have always been over 200lbs for as long as I can remember. Even in high school, I was a size 38 waist. But like most people, other protect your feelings and say”well its ok, you are tall” And Yes I’m tall, but weight does affect you emotionally and physically. Many other people can relate.


I felt good about eating less, walking, and seeing some results. I also stopped smoking several months ago. This was a habit which I hardly did anyways. I think at my high point, I was up to maybe five cigarettes a week, if I was nervous at the shows. I don’t think they even classify that as being a smoker….more of first hand-second hand smoker. That is not a medical term I just made it up. It was more of a social thing. That was an easy thing to let go. Lord knows I sucked enough smoke just being in the smoke filled clubs.


So now the roller coaster has caused some serious health problems. Well, maybe a snow ball would be more correct. I lost some weight, with out any crazy diets. I just ate less, exercised more. I also tried to eliminate sugar, fat and too many carbs. The biggest help was soda. I drank water or occasionally ice tea. After all, it’s Texas. Everyone likes ice tea.


But the quick weight loss also lessened my immunity. I had dealt with a urinary tact infection. It was treated with antibiotics. Then I had a bacterial infection in the soft tissue of my nose. It was ugly, but again had to be treated with antibiotics. It healed. Then I was still feeling run down. I attributed it to more of slump in my social activities. But I was feeling it physically too. The doctor again gave me medicine for walking pneumonia. "Walking pneumonia" sounds like it could be a character in a sci-fi horror movie. Although this form of infectious pneumonia can make you miserable, it's actually the least scary kind of pneumonia. That's because it's a mild pneumonia and does not generally require hospitalization. In fact, you could have walking pneumonia and not even know it. People who have walking pneumonia are seldom confined to bed or need to be hospitalized. Some may even feel well enough go to work and carry on with other regular routines, just as they might with a cold. This is what I continued to do. I finished the antibiotics. Then the doctor gave be steroids to help lung function. Progressively it got worse. I went back to the doctor. By this time I was in sad shape. I would have to hospitalized. Well Shit! That was my first reaction. Having too many illnesses so close together has left my immunity unable to recover on its own.


I would rather be fat and healthy than slim and sickly. But that is exactly is what happened. I am not under weight. In fact right now today, I am still about 20lbs over from where I should be for my height. If you ask me, the Body Mass index is full of crap. They use words like ”obese” as a category. One year ago, I was considered obese. Now I’m just over weight. That still stings a little.


This pneumonia has been very hard. They were pumping me full of antibiotics day and night. I was also doing breathing treatment. My biggest fear was being told that a ventilator would be next. OH NO, not me! This was no joke. The first three days, I was not sure if I would ever see improvement. I was too weak to walk far. I was dependant on my sister, who spent every day by my side. Slowly, I improved and seemed to had finally turned a corner. The doctor was pleased. Over all I was there for six tough days. The doctor wanted me to continue to take it easy for a few more day, but advised, that it would be several weeks for be fore I was back to my old self. I also have several follow up appointment with the lung specialist and a new internal medicine doctor that I will be seeing from no on. She will be able to treat my low immunity and hope fully keep me from serious illness again. Also there is a pneumonia vaccine that I will receive to guard against from getting sick again. It’s like being a diabetic, or a cancer patient. The more you do to take care of yourself, the better you can manage your condition. I am stronger today than I was yesterday. I will put on a brave face, and keep fighting like a champ. Because that is what champs do!


Just one more thing, I was so blessed to have my family close to me as I continue to recover. My sisters have been amazing.

Not going home.

I am thinking about going to home coming.  I don’t know why.  There is nobody there for me anymore. I have not been back home in over 10 years.   Maybe that is what I need to see,  that everyone is gone.  Here is what I thought I would do.  I would rent a car. Drive up after work, go watch the game.  Maybe drive by my parents old house.  Walk around and see if I could find any thing on that empty lot.  Maybe a penny, some thing to remind me that we once existed there.  Maybe its all gone.  If they tore down the house, they probably bull dozed the lot. This was the second place I remember living. It was across town from the Old house. 

I remember as a kid, I would play  under the big cedar trees out front.  When we first moved there, the trees were to big that you could not see the front of the house.  My dad had to cut them from underneath. So that you could walk under them.   I remember seeing all of the stubs that remained.  There were two large trees on both sides of the sidewalks.  It was a shot gun house.  My uncles were the ones who fixed the house up before we moved in.  My dad had bought the house and put work into making it livable.  The front rooms were bare floors and full of wood.  There were two front doors.  I think at one point the house was two separate buildings.  They were put together to make the house bigger.  I  wish it still existed so I could see if I am right.  The rear of the house had double windows, quite different from the rest of the house.  This addition included a bed room, bath room, and kitchen.  Our house was built probably in the 20’s. The wood framed windows were dingy and yellowed. Many had to be replaced because they were cracked.  They fixed the floors, re wired they house. They also put paneling and moldings to cover the bare walls.  They also expanded the door ways so that you could pass from one room to the other with out going through the narrow door ways. They also made closets where there were none.  Each panel door was old and closed with old latches.  These would remain, but never locked. There was only one bathroom.  It was old, but worked.  I remember how the house smelled when we first bought it. It had been closed up for so long.  It was like moving into someplace odd.  The entire yard was over grown, the buildings that came with the property, were all abandoned.  I always wondered what happened to the old man that lived there before us.  I assumed he died. I think he old lived in the back of the house.  It had the newest paneling, nice carpet, and the rest of the house was closed off.  The kitchen had been up dates and was in useable condition, even thought the pipes were old.  My parents worked for weeks on the house, them moved us in.  Originally, my parents wanted the far back room to be the boys room. The girls would share the front bedroom and my parents would take the middle room.  That did not happen.  My parents took the back bedroom. Their excuse was they did want to disturb e whole house because my dad always got up early. I think my parents just wanted the room closest to the bath room.  We never had blinds.  We only had curtains.  Blinds were foreign and so was central heat and air.  During ht e summer we slept under fans. Even when the night time heat did not fall below the high nineties. It was rough. 

During the winter, we froze with only a Dearborn heater and the heat from the kitchen stove.  We would some times sleep in our clothes to keep us warmer.  In winter we would put plastic on the windows.  My mom would buy plastic sheeting  kits.  It would come with clear plastic window plastic, cardboard strips and small nails to hang the plastic.  We would use a staple gun. It was faster then the small nails. The plastic helped to hold the heat in the house and keep the draft out. Old wooden windows were often drafty.   I have memories of helping my mom put on the plastics and tearing the strips as she stapled them on.  She would stand on a milk create and I would hand her the strips.

It’s interesting what I remember as I was writing this.  My mom, could do anything. She could make anything, she was very creative.  And I was there to share in the adventures.  I decided not to go back home.  I guess it is not my home anymore.  I was missing my parents and thought some how a trip would ease that feeling. I think it is ok to remember but I don’t need to go back. It’s been too long.  It is not my home any more. 

tight rolled jeans, so 80's

I miss being a kid.  I had a friend who lived across the street from me.  He was very handsome and out going.  He was very different from me.  At that time, I had a few friends at school, but none in my neighborhood.  He also had a unique name. Kalan. Yes everyone always said that sounded like a girls name.   He and his family moved into the two story house across the street. It had been vacant for a few years.   His friendship came at a point when my brother stopped wanting to play with me. He had his friends and would often go play basketball with them. Kalan’s mother was a manager at a local store.  His dad was very laid back but did not work.  I found this odd.  I guess because my own father had been the dominate bread winner in our family.  Kalan seemed to know a lot about the world. He was very hip for a kid in 6^th grade.  He listened to real rock music and dress with the latest 80’s trends. He wore acid washed jeans and neon t-shirts with rolled t-shirt sleeves. .  He even tight rolled his jeans so his high tops shoes would show.  If you double them over and then roll them up, that is tight rolled.  He was cool, I was just ordinary.  He was the only kid in our school who had an earring.  He caught hell for it too. Even my Dad made jokes about him.   The older boys in school called him names, but Kalan didn’t seem to let it bother him. For the next year he was my best friend.  He was cute and smart. The local girls all had crushes on him too. I think back now and maybe I had a friend crush on him.  I did like looking at his body. But I was too shy to say anything.  I had feeling I didn’t understand.  He had an older brother in high school.  He was a little odd but smart.  Kalan and I would hang out and talk. He introduced me to the music of the Beastie Boys. Their album ‘Licensed to ILL’ had been released in 1986.  It was very popular music that was not played in my small town. The Beastie boy also released a song called Brass Money.  I had no idea what a Brass Monkey was, but I loved listening to the song at high volume. We listened to it over and over.  Kalan would try to sing the rap lyrics like a rapper.  It made me laugh. We would talk about our friends from school or about our families.  He always wanted to start his own business.  He would have been good at it. He had natural charm and was friendly.  We were both in junior high band.  Kalan was a drummer and I played the trumpet.  As a drummer, they had different percussion instruments to use.  The snare drum was just the basics.  There were other larger drums and various other instruments.  It was not unlike Kalan to play with them all during class.  We would walk home together from school and often play after school.  He always wanted to go ride bikes.  Some times we would explore the alleys and end up in a small wooded area behind a near by housing development.  There were some small mounds of dirt and some tree that a bike trail had been made through.  Some times you could see dirt bike or three wheeler tracks.  But they were just as fun on regular bikes too.

Kalan moved the following year. I was heart broken.   I think his mom switched stores.  That happens in small town.  People move in and out all the time.  And some families stay for years,  like mine did.  I am pretty sure I cried. I told him goodbye.  I remember I gave my friend my address so we could write and our number so that he could call. But I never heard from him again.  I wonder if he ever started his own business?  

halloween thoughts

I used to love Halloween.  As  a kid it was fun to decorate the front yard with mummies and grave stones.  It really got us kids in the mood for trick or treating.  Some years we would have a Halloween party and invite neighbor hood friends.  We would also pass out candy and or dress up like zombies and jump out to scare people when they came up to our door.  As I got older I would go to the local Halloween parties at the local bar.  I even hosted the Halloween drag show a few times. This would include local queen and also included a Halloween costume contest for every one to show off their best costumes.  I always chose a girl costume.  I left the “just being in drag” costume to the amateurs.  Once I went as a cave woman. But every one thought I was a rocker chick. I guess the wild hair was just confusing.  I also went as a vampire.  I painted my face pale and wore a sexy little back dress and a cape with red lining.  It fun, but every one kept calling me Elvira. 

The first Halloween I spent with GW was fun.  I was hosting the show at the local bar back home.  There were several good costumes.  It is the only time I put makeup on GW. He had zero interest in feminine things like makeup.   We dressed as pirates.  I was a girl pirate with the white blouse, red and white striped skirt with a pirate hat.  I love this costume too because I could wear my favorite boots.  GW was my first mate.  He wore a red and white shirt black pants and rugged boots.  I painted a gruff looking pirate beard on him and gave him and eye patch.  He looked very rugged and sexy.  He was never one to play with costumes but he went along with it for me.  He always did what ever to make me happy. 

Once he went as a priest and I went as a nun.  I wore a typical nun habit and some retro cat eye glasses,  I also That was a fun costume to make.  I used this costume for a couple of shows too.  GW would laugh and say, ”come here my child and tell me your sins”  I would act offended and he would laugh.  He and I shared a special humor and private jokes. That was one of the many things I loved about him. 

We also ventured out to celebrate Halloween in Dallas when we first lived there.  The Dallas gay neighborhood has an annual block party. The block party is a huge event.  Thousands of people attend. GW and I went and had a good time, but vowed not to go back again. The crowds were too big and parking was a nightmare. It is a neighbor hood, not a shopping mall.  There were too many people for our liking.  These included a lot of drunk rude people.  We enjoyed smaller parties with friends.   I had made several friends and were some times invited to enjoy a more relaxed and friendly good time. The last few years have attended a few private parties.  There is one friend in Dallas who hosts a Halloween party at her home and invites people.  It is a fundraiser for local AIDS Charities.  Everyone has a great time and we give back to charity.  There is food, music dancing, drinks and even a costume contest.  It is a lot of fun. 

I am not sure what costume I will choose this year.  I need to do something fun, but not too campy. 

the Old Mrs. Davis

I remember in third grade my school put on a variety show.  Each class from the elementary school would do a play, or a skit or sing songs.  This year we did a celebration of Texas.  My teacher, the Old Mrs. Davis, was also a piano player.  Kids referred to her as “the Old Mrs. Davis” because there was a young teacher at the school. She was also Mrs. Davis.  I don’t think they were related; they just shared the same name.  The Old Mrs. Davis was short and old. She wore printed dresses and senible shoes.  She had thick glasses and a simple hairstyle.  She was friendly.  She would always brag about her healthy smile.  It was her way of encouraging the students about good oral care. “I’ve never had a cavity in my life” she would brag.  Weeks before the school program, we kids would practice our songs and talk about what to wear.  We were far from being a professional performance group but was fun to out on a show.   The Old Mrs. Davis wanted all of the kids to wear dark blue jeans and plain red shirts.  The look would be made complete on the night of the programs when we would tape big white stars on our chests.  This would be a tribute to our Texas theme.  We were supposed to mimic the look of the Texas flag.

I loved music as a kid.  I would always sing along with the radio.  My mom loved country music. This was years after her disco phase.  I grew up on it.  One day during practice Mrs. Davis asked me to sing my part in front of the class.  She liked the way I sang.  So as the music started I watched Mrs. Davis behind the piano. She signaled me with a head nod so I would know when to start singing.  I started singing the first phrase. I was a little embarrassed.  My voice echoed of the walls in the cafeteria stage where we practiced.  The class clapped.  It felt good.  Mrs. Davis announced that they would be making the opening phrase to our Texas song a solo.  Imagine me, singing a solo.  This was something I never expected.  I was just a kid.  Nothing special had ever happened to me.   No one had ever given the opportunity to stand out.  It made me happy.  And other kids supported me.  These were the innocent years.  No one was jealous or made mean comments.  The support was genuine.

The night of the music program, all the kids were at arrive early to the high school. The high school had a real auditorium.  Our elementary had little more then a stage in the cafeteria.  It was a big deal to be performing at the high school.  All of the school parents got dressed up and came to watch their children. My mom put on some makeup and did her hair.  My mom had three of her kids in the programs. Each child was in a different grade.  She would be there the entire night.  They had each class meet our teachers in the gym behind the auditorium.  They would take roll and get us lined up.  The youngest grades went on first.  The older kids closed the show.  There were risers set up on stage for us to stand on. They reminded the kids on the back row not to fall off the back of the risers. Luckily no one fell backwards.   I was told to stand on the floor level at the end.  I was nervous as the curtain opened.  The bright floor lights made it hard to see the crowd.  I could hear the applause as they announce our class lead by Mrs. Davis.  Mrs. Davis motioned for me to step forward and up the microphone.  It was on a stand at the center round of the stage.  The black cord was curled down the mic stand and on the floor like a snake.  I stepped over it.  I didn’t want to get bit. Mrs. Davis nodded in support.  I looked forward as the intro music started.  Mrs. Davis took a visible deep breath as a signal for me to start.  I sang.  I had never sung into a microphone before.  It projected my voice louder than I was used to.  I could hear my self for the first time.  It was good for a kid.   I gave a solid performance.   I finished the last few words of my solo and already the crowd applauded.  The other kids joined in and continued sing as I stepped back to my place on the corner of the group.  The program was a success and I felt special when it was over.  The other kids told me good job but the best was a big hug from my mom.  Every kids loves a bug hug from mom. It was my first taste of show business. 

stay focused

I have a few things on my mind today.  I am trying to stay focused on the future. 

This month I have several doctor appointments.  I am having some dental work done.  I need to maximize my insurance and flex spending account by the end of the year.  If I don’t, I will lose the money I have been paying in all year.  I waited to get it done due to my personal show schedule.   I want to start next pageant season looking and feeling my best.  I have lost 3o lbs in the last 6 months.  My goal is to lose another 20.  I am finally out of the ‘obese range’ on the Body Mass Index.  I hate that term obese.  Diet and exercise have been good for my self esteem.  My diet is no sugar, low fat, lots of veggies and little processed foods. Also lean protein in small portions.  And  I drink water constantly.  Some times I will have iced tea, but avoid soda.  The water also helps with my bladder and kidney health. The only draw back is having to pee all the time.  I also try to walk when I can.  Walking is a low impact aerobic exercise.  I started walking at break time earlier this year.   It is about a mile around our building at work.  If you walk twice a day, that is two miles.  That could be about 10 miles a week.  I did not walk as much due to heat of the summer.   On rainy or hot days, coworkers and I would walk around the indoor perimeter of our warehouse.  It was a shorter distance, but still it was beneficial. 

I have also stopped smoking.  I was not a heavy smoker.  I was more of a social smoker.  I enjoyed a smoke if I went out to a bar or if I was nervous at a show.  So I decided to quit.  It is one less thing to worry about affecting my health. 

Next month, I have already agreed to be a vendor at Dallas Coronation.  I am hoping to sew a new line of dresses that will be for sale. I have opted out of the last few invitations from other cities due to my personal schedule.  But now,  I have time to dedicate to making this sale a success.   I tried to work on a few projects the other night, but just spent a few hours cleaning my drag room instead. It needed it.  I am glad it was productive. 

By the end of the year I will be moving.  I am considering moving to a new area of DFW.  I need to start looking and checking availability.  I should start packing at some point. My lease is up in December.  Maybe I will move to a more quiet area.  I enjoy being in the center of Dallas and Fort Worth, but currently many centrally located suburbs are under construction.  I will consider my options. 

movies

A funny story.  My mom would sneak in her own snacks into the movie. That included candies or a bottle diet coke .   Once she stopped at Whataburger and put the hamburgers in her purse.  The other people in the movie were jealous as my mom whispered “pass the fries”.

do what you have to do

My mother wanted to be a nurse when she was a kid. She shared that with me once. I think my mother would have a been a great nurse.  It was just her nature.  When you are a kid the world seems simple.  If you want to be something, you just go to school and learn about it.  Then you can graduate and work in that career.  That sounds simple.  But life does not always work out so simply.  

My mom married my dad and left the world she knew behind in California. She had no family support in Texas.  I'm sure that was hard.  I think my mom resented my dad in a way.  She loved him and she wanted to be married, but he kept her in a limited life.  He only wanted a wife. He never asked her what she wanted out of her life.  He expected her to raise the kids and take care of the house.  That is what she did.  She only had a high school education and lived in a small town with little job opportunities. During hard times my mom would work to bring in more money.  She had dreams of her own, but she put them aside.  She was a married woman, not a career woman. She quickly found herself raising small children.  That included me.

 She took what ever minimal job she could get.  She worked as a cook, as a cleaning lady and had previously worked at a shop that overhauled electric motors for use in the oilfield. Imagine, my mom working in a motor shop. These were not gasoline motors. They were large electric motors used in the oil field.  The large motors are driven by electric current.   The motor contains magnets and a copper coil that turns a central shaft.  The electricity passes through the coils, the magnets begin to spin and rotate the shaft.  This shaft is connected by belts to a pulley that pumps the oil pump. The large motors are quite heavy and are incased inside of heavy die cast shells.  The motors are bolted to a frame that makes the oil pump one “unit”.  The term “unit” is apart of oil field vernacular.   

The motors would burn out and have remanufactured.  This included re winding a new coil in side the motor.  That is what motor shop did.  They would remove the burned out copper and reset the magnets and rebuild he motor.   It could be steady work for those who wanted to do it.  The shop was owned by a neighbor friend of my dad.  It was little more than a empty store front in down town Electra.  It had large bare windows. The windows were cracked and held together with tape so the window would not shatter.  The building was bare inside.  The walls were peeling paint and the concrete floor  were bare from the removal of the linoleum tiles. There was a pair of large doors that lead to the street side.   There was little fear of theft in Electra.  If some one was to steal and old motor, what would they do with the heavy thing?  If they tried to resell it, everyone would know where it came from. Plus most of the old motors inside the shop where useless until they had been rebuilt. They offered her the job, but it would be hard, dirty work.   My mom was willing to do anything for a paycheck.  She shared the philosophy of most parents: do whatever you have to do.  

It was a labor job but my mom was no stranger to hard work. She learned quickly and tried hard.  Mom only worked there for a short time, I think because the men in the shop made it hard on her and one man tried to make a pass at her. 

I wish Mom was still around to ask her more questions about her about her life.  I can only talk about the things that I remember her telling me.  I try to remember this story an inspiration.  Espeically when I face my own obstacles and I have to "do what I have to do" in my life.

a quick thought

I have never thrown myself a birthday party.  GW would always make a family party or take me to dinner. But the last few years have passed quietly.  Maybe this year I will try to make a plan for my birthday.    Maybe I can plan a dinner party with friends.  I would love to invite friends over to my place for a dinner party, but honestly I don’t have the space. Plus, these friends all have nice homes and I just live in an apartment.  I don’t want to have a bar party, I want it to be more personal and special. Maybe appetizer and cocktails followed by a nice meal. My friends can eat and share time together.  I wish someone would host the party at their house. That would be nice.  I would love to help cook and maybe set up the party. I imagine laughing with friends and sharing food.  Or maybe I will invite friends to come out to dinner with me. I know a great restaurant.    Does that sound pathetic?  Throw my own party?   Maybe I’m afraid that no one will show up. Or maybe will let it pass with no celebration at all. It was just a thought. 

just the pictues ...and the rest of the story.

All the contestants and me on night one. Close of night one.

Mattie Crowns Natasha Parson on final night



Foam set pieces. painted peices left to dry



I wanted to quickly add a pictue of my set design from Miss Gay Texas State Pageant that was held Labor day weekend.  I was so pleased with how it turned out... the full story will follow but I wanted to post the picture now. I built a golden teple for out Ladies on Safari theme. Set Design by Mattie Madison.

Set Design by Tomas Flores and Wendy Flores...my unpaid intern.

Guest Performance during the pageant

Opening Production: Jungle Head Hunter

 

the rest of the story: 

I have now completed my year as Miss Texas State At large.  There were many tears shed, but all were tears of happiness. I am very proud of the work I did all year long.  I was also glad to see my girls shine like stars in this year’s state pageant.  I am also thrilled with my successor, Natasha Parson of Dallas. Natasha is the new Miss Gay Texas State at Large 2013.  She will do a great job. Joining Natasha is her counterpart, Madison Deveroux Miss Gay Texas State 2013.

Kristen Paige and I are so sad to go, but these new girls will do a fine job!

I was also pleased with my set design. I had been working for several months on coordinating, planning and creating the pieces that were needed to create a Golden temple in a jungle.  This was all part of our “ladies on safari” theme.  Our opening presentation would showcase the outgoing title holders, Mattie (me) and Kristen Paige.  Kristen had coordinated the music.  I was taking on the challenge of the set decorations. 

how to make a banana tree

I had drawn a quick sketch several months ago and had the concept in my head.  I collected items to use for the stage. It is part of my creative processes. I would look at something and think what I could do with that.  I would use my imagination. Luckily, I had access to wood, hardware and cardboard from my job.  All of these things have a non-value and are usually discarded. Anything I wanted, the warehouse would save for me.   I had also asked friends to borrow large plants and faux trees for completing out jungle theme.  I worked hard painting the foam pieces.  The pieces were sold in four feet sections that could easily be transported in my car. I would not have a van until the day of the pageant.  It was money out of my own pocket. I would have to budget my money. I had already spent over $300 in supplies.  It would be easier to use precut pieces and not a full 8’ by 4’ sheet that are also available at the Home Depot.   I painted each to resemble a stone blocks.   The day of the pageant would be the first time I would see my left and right sides assembled, due to my small work space at home. I had already covered the dinning room table to use it as a work table for painting. 

There were also many greenery pieces that I made before the pageant. My living room looked like a work shop. Leaves, vines, grass, and floral moss.  I would turn these supplies into unique set pieces with creative crafting.   I made banana trees out of cardboard tubes.  I was in Dallas to the warehouse fabric stores.  As I was checking out, I noticed a barrel full of cardboard tubes. The tubes were used to roll the fabric and were usually thrown away after the fabric was all gone.  I asked if I would have some of them. They happily gave them to me.  They were four inches in diameter and about five feet in length.  I took them home.  I covered them in brown packing tape first.  Then I painted them with left over brown, black and yellow paints.  I started with a base coat of brown paint then dry brushed them length wise with black.  The combination of colors looked like bark.  Then I high lighted with yellow.  I used the same dry brush technique.  I had bunches of faux banana leaves at a local store. They were flat wide leaves.  I attached them in a staggered pattern to the tube. I attached them near one end of the tube.  This would be the top of the tree when it was vertical.  Then I arranged the attached bunched on leaves to mimic and natural pattern of how they might grow. I then hot glued floral moss to cover the screws where the leaves were attached.  It was a great idea that was visually perfect. They looked real.   I made several other plant pieces.  It was fun to see how real I could make them look.

              I also made a rock.  I made it out of chicken wire and spray foam insulation.  I wrapped a medium size box with chicken wire. Then I filled in the space between the wire and the box with plastic grocery bags.  Then I began spraying foam into the holes of the wire.  The foam expanded over the wire and then began to harden.  After it was formed, I removed the box and plastic filler bags.  I was left with a foam rock shell.  I then painted it gray and brown and highlighted the bumps of the rock. I then added moss to the bottom for a more realistic look. I used hot glue to attach the moss.  It looked so real and weighed about 1 pound.

The day of the pageant I was stressed from the start. I had slept very little from the show the night before.  I had drank a little too much.   I had rented a cargo van to transport the tree and set pieces.  I had gotten up early to pick up the van then drive south to pick up the trees and then return to the club.  The contestant meeting was at 10:30.  I hoped  to find time to start setting up the stage. But I would have to wait until after the meeting.  The meeting was good. The contestants were in a good mood.  One girl came late. Kristen and I quickly put together some gift bags for the contestants. She and I purchased small items to put in the bags.  These included candy, small trinkets and a stuffed monkey. We wanted to show our girls that they we wished them good luck.  The monkeys were so cute and went with our theme.  This is also how we drew numbers for the pageant.  The bags were numbered.  The girls chose bags randomly. 

After the meeting, I continued to work on the set.   I quickly put together a small mock up of the set.  The set on night number one included trees and a stone pillars. That was all.  The pillar pieces would be repurposed for final night. Because the pageant was two nights, I wanted to save the full assembly for the final night. It looked simple but great on night one, night two look amazing with the full temple built in the middle of our faux jungle!  I also made all the centerpieces for the table in the bar.  I took bamboo place mats and cut them in half and glued them around foam disks.  I hot glued floral moss and raffia around the outside and added battery candles inside. They were the perfect table lanterns. 

Day two: I had to take all these small set pieces and assemble them into a temple.  But how?  I had a plan in my head.  Each ”block” of foam would then be arranged in a triangle stack. I wanted more of an Indiana Jones temple and not an Egyptian pyramid.   I would accomplish this by building a frame work of 1x2 wood planks on the floor.  I originally was going to staple the foam in place using a staple gun. This would have been faster to assemble. But the foam was easily punctured and the staple would pop through and not hold.  The foam would need to be screwed to the frame.  I added washers to the screws to keep the foam block in place.  I love making things and have all my own tools. I love anything creative.

I also want to thank to my sister Wendy for helping me.  She is always my unpaid intern.  I have thought about paying her, but then she will want benefits and holidays off….so I guess we will keep it like it is for now.  She held the ladder while I mounted the set pieces, carried trees and even swept the van before we took it back. She is a hard worker. Plus she is willing to put up with me.  She also kept the volunteers away from me while I worked.  People kept bugging my while I worked.  They had good intentions. Sometimes I work better with out distractions from people who don’t know what the heck I’m doing.  Plus I had no idea what I was doing either.  I had a pile of pieces that I had to make match the vision in my head. I had to bring everything with me I may need.  I brought the staple gun, drill, craft box, and a box I use at home full of hardware such as screw, nuts, bolts, washers, nails and fasteners.  That was the challenge. I didn’t want to forget anything I might need to assemble a frame.  I felt butch using my power tools. I quickly took the pillars apart.  I took the trees and moved them over to one side.   It would be easier to work on one side of the stage at a time. I worked in the after noon to complete the set.  I erected two temple pieces around the existing doorway.  Each side was about 8 feet tall.  I built the frames on the floor, tiled them with foam blocks and lifted them into place.  Once both sides were done, I added the topper over the door way.  The plants were added in place.  I added up lights on the floor. The lights made the yellow stones more visible behind the trees. I had so many compliments from friends about the set. I felt like I had made a Hollywood set.  I have to admit, I am proud of my self. I can make anything!