I'm tired.

I am running away from home today.  I am trying to put some things out of my mind this weekend.  I’m packing one bag and leaving.  Maybe I will find some one to talk to instead of always talking to myself. I will be back home on sunday.

Movies

Once upon a time I liked movie dates. They were fun and friendly ways to get to know some one.  I always paid attention to see when they laughed; did it match when I laughed?  Some times it did. Other times no.  It helped me understand what they liked. It was a useful tool.  I’m not into action flicks.  I’m not that type of guy, obviously. I’m not into cute Chick flicks either.   I like dramas, comedy and stories about people lives.  I love being able to relate and connect to the movie plot, character and story line.  I really enjoy movies.  I also enjoy musicals on occasion.  (Especially at home so I can sing along).  Some of my favorite movies have gay stories and gay characters.  Here are just small sample of the ones I like.  Each one speaks to me in a different way.  I’m not a movie reviewer.  I’m just expressing my self.  I’m sure you have heard of most of these. And there are a ton more than this.

Torch Song trilogy. To me it was drag and drag history.  It was made in the 80’s and takes place in the 70’s.  The drag was so different.  The Story of Arnold was so good. I would be an “Arnold.”

Long time companion.  My partner made me watch this movie before we moved in together.  I had never heard of it. He had lost so many important people in his life due to the AIDS crisis.  I think he wanted me to understand.  It still makes me cry.

Bird Cage- My partner would joke that this was us.  I was Albert (aka Starina) and he was Armand.  It’s still such a funny movie.  His favorite lines was “ you know everything because you are an man, and I know nothing because I am a woman” “ you’re not a woman” “ You bastard!”

Stonewall- I picked this one up at a thrift store last year. It came out in 1995. I had never heard of it.  It’s a good movie, set in the 1969.  It’s about LaMiranda, a drag queen and her struggle to find love, life and acceptance.

Broke back Mountain- This was so sad.  Two guys who shared love, but could not share their lived.  Plus they are both cute, so that helps.

Trans America-  I think the inner issues that “Bre” struggled with were relatable.  She was about to undergo surgery and had her life flipped upside down by a son she never knew.  She also had family issues.  These were some funny scenes too. Bre's mother was a hoot.  It had me hooked  the first time I saw it.

Milk- This was a good movie. Harvey’s passion was convincing people that they mattered and could make a difference.  (I watched this one again last night.)

There is one more. It is a great movie too. It helped me deal with personal grief. But it is not a gay movie. I felt it was important to mention it too. Truly Madly Deeply. GW used to write me love notes all the time. I always thought that was wonderful. I cherish them still. In one of his letter, he said He loved me Truly, Madly, Deeply. I did not see the connection until I found the movie in a box. Part of my healing from my personal grief was knowing that GW’s spirit was and is still around me. In the movie two people are love, Nina and Jamie. They were happy and then Jamie dies. Nina is left alone. Nina is heartbroken but is even more unprepared for his return as a ghost. Nina is happy to have him back even in ghost form. Jamie starts bringing ghostly friends home and behaving more and more oddly. Then Nina meets another man and has to let Jamie go for good. She can not remain in love with some who is not real. She is torn but chooses to move on with her life. Making this connection in my own life was essential to who I am becoming.

made up names

Some times in life we see the same people over and over.  For instance you may see a woman at the grocery store because you live in the same neighborhood.  But you may not know her name. So you may give her a name such as Lady in the blue car.   I also see people at work. I don’t know their names but often call them by a made up name that fits. 

Here are few of the people I see on a regular basis. 

Lady with the bad wig, Bullfrog and her friend, The Cochina, Polly Pocket, buff old man, football head, broken down Snookie,  old shoe learther lady, Santa Claus,  Sister girl,  Bubble gut,  thanks for the country music award, spinner boy, Poor Window, big sexy whooping crane, truck stop tranny, my chocolate bunny , conejo de chocolate (chocolate bunny in Spanish),  BitterBetty,  busted Cher, Janice from the Muppets,

Lessons about sewing

Once I had a friend describe me as a Wise Old Owl.  He was a few years younger and had little life experience.  To him, I was very knowledgeable about gay life, drag, friendships and relationships.  I admitted to him, that life has been hard for me, and that all each of us can do is try to enjoy it and learn from it. 

This weekend was another lesson for me.  I was involved in Fort Worth Coronation. I spent late nights and evenings getting dresses ready for my vendor sale.  As usual I spent the night before sewing until 4am.  Today I feel defeated because my gamble did not pay off. I only sold a few things.   In the past, each event has been successful.  Now I am not sure if I will do this again.  I guess I should give it some time before I decide on way or the other.   I invested my own money into making dresses.  I spend money on fabrics, zippers, thread, elastics, fasteners, sequins, beads, stones, and trims.  So many people do not understand how much time & money going to making a garment.  If I sell a dress, I am only recouping the money I already spent to make it.  I am not a person who gives up. But maybe it is time for a change.  Maybe I should find a new of getting the results I want. 

I have been invited to many city coronations.  But have chosen to be selective on which ones I attend.  It is not profitable to pack up the car and drive hours and hours on the chance that I may or may not have a profitable weekend.   My two local events in Dallas and Fort Worth are usually good, because there is not traveling involved.  After all this is a business. 

This weekend in Fort Worth was hard for me. Many people made rude comments and apparently think its ok to insult  my work.  That was not cool. These dresses didn’t come from a sweat shop in china. They came from a sweat shop at my house.  They demeaned the level of my work.  I was insulted by the catty “old fag” that turned her nose up at my selection, scoffed at the price and brag to her friends how she could make it her self for less. I wanted to tell her to go home and make it then.   I take pride in my work and know that is good.   I was ready to punch her in the face.   But I knew that would be the wrong thing to do. So I smiled and thanked her for stopping by my booth.   I am there providing a service, I am not a servant you can talk down to. Many court people are arrogant and think they are better than everyone else. They are can also be cheap. They want a dress that looks likes a million dollars and they are only willing to pay twenty bucks for it.   I even had one queen inquire about one of the dresses I had on display.  She checked out the quality, the size and the price.  She said she was considering it and would need to check her bank before making the purchase.  I politely answered her questions and told her that I would be happy to make the sale upon her return.  She came back a few minute later and brought me cash for the dress.  Finally a sale!   I put the dress in a bag and thanked her.  This was my first mistake.  I saw this queen continue her shopping at the other booths.  She was carrying her bag like a Bag Lady. 

Business was slow.  There were a lot of lookers but few buyers.  I had a few people inquire about the white dresses I had on display.  It was definitely eye catching.  But no one was willing to pay the price on the tag.  I always price my dresses fairly. If anything,  I price too low.     I never try to mark up a dress for more than 20% over cost. I have learned not to disclose cost to the customer.  Also I will consider the open market price for similar items sold by other dress makers.  If they charge 200, I will under cut them and sell for 150, for example.   I know many dress makers who make similar dresses and sell them for a lot more than I charge.  My stuff is inexpensive but NOT cheap.  

My afternoon sales were slow.  I had my sister there all day to help me greet people and help me set up and run the booth.  She has done several sales with me and the free help is appreciated. My family is good about helping me when they can.  I left at 3pm. I also was to be part of the night’s entertainment.  I left my sister to watch the booth and I drove the 2o min back home to get painted and dressed.  She called me and said the Bag Lady queen was back and wanted to speak to me.  Apparently she had second thoughts about her purchase and wanted her money back.  I was furious.  The nerve. I did not really have a return policy because I am a cash business.  I really think she just didn’t have the money to spend and felt guilty about her purchase.  I told her I would return shortly, since I had the money in my pocket.  I was so mad I could not see straight.  I hung up.  After all I had put up with all day, the rude comments and bitchy queens. I was DONE.  I called a friend for advice.  It helped. We all need someone to talk to sometimes.

I painted my face, got dressed and returned to the event.  I wore some tan capri’s and a white blouse, my hair was flawless and my makeup soft and natural. I wore some tan sling back heels with tiny bows on the toe.  I looked like a rich lady going to the mall for a day of shopping.  I was already the best looking lady in the room.  I stopped briefly at the booth to talk to my sister.  The Coronation had already begun and most attendees were already inside. She knew I was pissed about having to give back that money.  She knew I was about to go into “Bitch Mode”.  I grabbed the white dress off the rack.  I went to an empty conference room out side the grand ball room and put it on.  If I can’t sell the damn dresses, I was determined to wear them myself. After all, they were still mine.  I grabbed my purse and told my sister to wait outside of the ball room, I would be back. The event had already begun.  I walked in and all eyes were on me.  That was partially due to my coming in late and patially due the fact that I looked like a Goddess.  The speaker continued to make his announcements, but clearly I had just pulled the attention of everyone in my direction.  I walked with my head up and looked down at he ugly bitches who insulted me all day.  I gave them my killer smile and they knew I looked amazing. I could see the jealousy in their eyes.  I am so much more that the person that sews, I am a stunning entertainer who they all wish they could be.  I love the look on their cracked faces.  I walked to the Bag Lady’s table.  I gave her the fake Kiss-kiss. Others at her table looked at me, confused.   She checkout my dress, I was stunning.  I felt like I wanted to shove that money down her throat until she choked on it.  The nerve of her, wanting to return her dress and demanding her money back.  I did not force her to make that purchase.  I whispered to her.  “I usually don’t do this, but here you go”  I fake smiled. I tucked the money into her hand. “and if you ever come to my booth again or  ever ask me to sew for you again, you can forget it… cause I won’t”  The Bag Lady knew I was serious.  She was speechless.  I stood up, I cut my eyes at her and gracefully walked my self out of the ball room. 

I have learned to never let anyone make me feel like my time and skills are not valuable.  I am a very talented person and there are plenty of people who are interested in having one of my dresses. I will no longer endure the rude comments or catty remarks from anyone.  And if you don’t like my dresses, please get someone else to sew for you.  I will no longer sew for people I don’t like. I also learned that next time I need a sign that says 'all sales are final'. 

 I have even decided to try teaching a beginning sewing class at my home.  Maybe I could have three to five students.  I could also teach them to sew and serge.  I could teach them once a week in the evening.  We could work on basics, how to use a pattern, machine maintenance and work on projects like how make a show dress.    I think it would be great to share my knowledge with others.  Plus I could charge for the classes.  Sewing is a wonderful skill to have and its best to learn drag sewing from someone who understands what female impersonation is about. 

a tasty dessert From Gabby DiVine

My friend Tony aka Gabby DiVine sent me this recipe.  I remember my mama always saying. “save the dinner rolls, we are going to make a bread pudding”  We knew she was joking.  My mother was a lot of fun and always made life fun for her kids.  She could easy make jokes and loved to laugh.  There were so many inside jokes in our family  that any outsiders would have thought we were nuts escaped from the mental hospital.  Tony now lives in New Orleans with his partner but he is still a trusted loving friend.  Thanks Tony (Gabby).  I’m going to need my insulin after reading this recipe!

White chocolate Bread pudding

1 loaf French bread

½ stick salted butter, softened

3 large eggs

1 cup white chocolate chips

2 cups sugar

1 ½ cups sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 tablespoons vanilla

½ cup raisins

Preheat oven 350. Cut bread in half lengthwise and spread softened butter on each side. Toast bread in oven until lightly browned. Remove bread from oven and when cool cut into small1 inch cubes. (Should make about 12 cups).  Plump raisins by soaking them in warm water for a few minutes and drain. Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Pour mixture into buttered 9x13 in pan. Bake 35-45 min until lightly browned on top. Serve warm.

Hot Buttered rum sauce

In a heavy sauce pan melt 1 stick salted butter over med heat, stir in ½ cup heavy cream until blended and then add ½ cup sugar. Whisk continuously until it reaches 220 degree. Remove from heat. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla, 1 teaspoons rum and ½ teaspoons cinnamon. Spoon hot sauce over individual servings of bread pudding.

ENJOY!

"the Disco Ball 2012"

Mattie Madison performing at "the Dico Ball" at Fort Worth Coronation. I loved the light up floor!!!

Thanks to Eddie Castlow for taking this picture. 

Coronation weekend

Yawn, Well its ‘Hell Week’ at my house.  I have fabric every where.  I have been up late sewing.  Fort Worth Coronation is on Saturday and I have a few more dresses to complete.  In fact I will probably call in sick to my day job so that I can use the day to sew.  Not to worry, I will still get paid.  *fake cough*.  I have plenty of sick leave.  I am 99% finished with a blue dress I am making custom for a friend of mine.  She served as Empress of Fort Worth ten years ago and this gown will be worn as part of her ‘walk’.  That is when they recognize all the dignitaries in attendance which includes past Emperor and Empress.  They do this during the Coronation Ball. 

Let me try to explain as much as I can.  There is an International Court System.  The international organization oversees the lower level organizations.  The Imperial Court Council is created to advise individual chapters and, when necessary, to grant or rescind recognition by the IICS as a whole. This group also urges a degree of consistency regarding matters of protocol via proclamations which are generally observed by all chapters.The local organizations can represent a city or state. In Texas as have several city organizations such as Dallas, Ft Worth/Arlington, San Antonio, Houston, Austin, Corpus Christi, and Waco. 
The International Imperial Court System (IICS) is one of the oldest and largest gay organizations in the world. The court raises money for charity through large annual fancy-dress costume balls in communities throughout North America and numerous smaller fundraisers each year. Each individual court chapter or "realm" is a separate non-profit organization that raises funds and awareness for various charities and people in need within its realm. Each chapter has its own board of directors and is financially responsible for its own management. In addition to local non-profit status, many courts in the United States have Federal 501(c) status.
Each court conducts numerous fundraisers throughout the year. Drag shows, raging in size from performances at local bars to events in hotel ballrooms and other large venues, are the main way in which revenue is raised for charity. Especially in recent years, court chapters have diversified their fundraising strategies so as to include yard sales, gift raffles, etc. Court members also solicit donations at LGBT events, gay pride parades and other public events at which they appear. I have enjoyed helping raise money for both the Dallas and Fort Worth-Arlington courts over the past five years. 

Each court holds an annual "coronation" which is usually the chapter's largest fundraiser and is attended by both local people and members of other chapters from across North America. The evening culminates in the ceremony in which the new monarchs are crowned. The method by which monarchs are selected varies from chapter to chapter, ranging from selection by vote among the active membership in closed session months before the coronation to election by all in attendance on the night of the ceremony.  In Fort Worth/Arlington, you must reside in Tarrant County. Voting is done by ballot the week before the Coronation Ball.  The results are revealed at the Coronation. 



Scarlet Rains gown for Coronation

Each group bestows titles on their members. Each one is a title of succession in the hierarchy of the court.  Empress/and emperor are most important.  Then followed by crown princess/prince, dukes and duchesses and so on down the line.  Other appellations bestowed resemble offices or professions within a medieval or modern noble court rather than titles of nobility, such as "Court Jester" or "Chancellor of the Realm" and so forth. These titles may be as serious-sounding or as humorously campy as the monarchs wish. 



Jaclyn Chatelaine's gown



back

The “ladies” on the female line enjoy wearing long flowing gowns.  I been invited to display and sell my dresses and costumes at the Coronation.  I set up my booth and get to meet many of the weekend guests.  Some look and ask questions and some buy.  It is work, but fun work.  Many of them have special costumes made to fit the theme of the host cities coronation. This weekends theme in Ft Worth will be the “Disco Ball” a night of 70’s inspired disco music and funky costumes.  I have made a disco jumpsuit for another friend.  It’s so cute.  She is wearing an afro and platform boots.  I am hoping to get a picture of her in her outfit.  I love disco music.  I will be a guest performer at Coronation.  I was asked to be there by special invitation.  I am honored. I will be doing my favorite disco mega mix. I have the perfect moves too.  I had thought about a Donna Summer tribute. Maybe she works hard for the money, or some Gloria Gaynor, I will survive.  But I’m sure someone else will do those since they were so popular in their day.  I JUST NEED TO FIND TIME TO GET MY COSTUME TOGETHER! 

Jacquelyn and Kevin

*THANKS WIKIPEDIA FOR THE INFO.

I dont like nickles

I’ve done this before with quarters…this time I had nickels in my pocket.  Each was a different year.  So I jotted down a quick note about where I worked in those years.  PS:  I hate nickels. The are short and fat and heavy.  Dimes are petite and cute.

1980- I don’t remember too much, I was like 5.  Kindergarten I guess.  I remember we used empty frozen OJ canisters to grow grass seed. We put dirt  and added seeds and watered it.   I put paper around the can.   Then I drew a face on the can and it looked like a green hair growing out of the top of the head.   Silly but I remember it.

1989-  I was a freshman in High school.  I worked part time a gun range. 

1998- I was working for TxDOT.  It was my first big boy job.  It was more than minimum wage and full benefits. 

2006- I was working for Motorola in Fort Worth.

2008- I had been laid off  for 6 months and gas was high, so I stayed home a lot.

Maybe I should call her...

I have several cousins.  Some are older and only a full that are close to my age.  This is to blame on my Dad.  My dad was much older and did not have children  until he was in his forties.  I guess its not uncommon today.  But in he should have had kids in the 1950s, not in the 1970s.  Most of my Dad siblings all got married in the 1940’s and their kids: my cousins are about 20 years older then me.  That seems a little confusing but it seams sense in my head. 

My closest Cousin was Mapopia.  That was an interesting name.  The name” Mapopia” means spotted fawn in Chickasaw language…  I think.  Or was it Choctaw.  Her mom was Native American . Her mother was related to both tribes.   Her dad, my Tio Paulo, was my Dad’s youngest brother.  She and I are only one year apart.  She was smart and pretty.  She had a tough time growing up.  Tio Paulo had married an Indian woman from Oklahoma and they had three kids. Mapopia was the oldest and William and Wallace, were twins.  We called them Willie and Wally.  Mapopia grew up with out her mom. For some reasons, my mother told me…..her mom left and never came back. I wonder now if it was a secret drama.  Maybe she cheated on my uncle.  I really don’t know.  Mapopia only saw her mom a few times after about age 10.  It must have been hard to grow up with out a mom.  I’m sure my Uncle Paul did the best her could.  Mapopia and the boys were also lucky to have neighbors the Copes.  They were an older white couple that lived next door and always looked after the kids while my uncle Paul worked.  They would feed them, buy them clothes and treated them with love.  I remember wondering why they would cal them Me-maw and Pa-paw.  They were surrogate grand parents.  They would even take the kids to church.  Mapopia had some emotional issues that I’m sure where tough.

She suffered from depression.  No one understood the level of her illness until my mom told me that she had been rushed to the hospital.  She had taken some pills. Her suicide attempt was hard for her.  She told me later that the pills made her sick and dizzy.  She was just tired of being tired.  She said she remembered being in the ER and the bag of activated charcoal burst all over her.  Activated charcoal is used to absorb the contents of the stomach and keep them from being absorbed by the body.  It sounded horrible.  You never truly understand the pain in some heart until you have walked in their shoes.  I did not judge her, but tried to understand and be there. We were the same age and our home lives were so different. 

During the summers, Mapopia would come to Electra and stay with us.  My mom loved her and formed a good bond with her.  We even went camping and took Mapopia with us. We enjoyed going to the Copper breaks State park near Quanah Texas.  They had great facilities and hot showers.  We loved camping with a few comforts of home. Mapopia was one of kids.   I used to treat her like one of my sisters.  Just one problem.  If I teased too much, the girls would gang up on us boys.  I and my brother were out numbered by my mom, four sister and cousin Mapopia.   They would catch you when you least expected it.  They would wait until you were in the men’s bathroom and they could hear the shower running through the vents high above eye level.  Then the girls would sneak into the bathroom and pour a dishpan of cold water over the top of the shower stall.  All we could do was scream and vow to get our revenge.  But it was useless.  They stuck together.  And my mom was usually the one coming up with ideas.  She grew up with only sisters. 

Mapopia graduated from Wichita Falls High School, (go Coyotes) and moved to Abilene Texas.  She attended Abilene Christian University.  In a way I wish I had gone to Abilene too. We could have hung out even though we were at different local schools.  McMurry in Abilene had a great music program.   I turned down an offer to go to McMurry University in Abilene. The cost was too much even with a scholarship. 

I lost track of Mapopia after a few years.  I knew she was in Abilene and seemed to like it here.  The last time I saw her was over five years ago. My dad had died and I drove up for the funeral. Oddly enough I had a show booked that weekend too.  Several of extended family came to watch the drag show. Mapopia was there.  She still had the same laugh.  She seemed to be doing well. She was working as an office manager with a construction company.  I don’t know what she is doing now.  I hear she has two kids, and was in a relationship.  Maybe I should look for her.  I’m sure one of my other cousins would know how to contact her.  …..to be continued. 

Ginger-Snapps

                Happy Birthday Ginger-Snapps!

I have not seen Ginger since the night she came to Longview.  We had a prelim pageant there last month. Ginger and I used to be close.  She is a combination of a mother figure and a great friend.  I met Ginger though a mutual friend.  Bryan was also an aspiring drag queen like me.  Ginger would often help Bryan and they were neighbors. Ginger had asked me to make a dress for her daughter’s prom.  It seemed just a project at the time, but Ginger and I became good friends.  The dress turned out great and looked beautiful on her daughter.  Ginger had been happily divorced for a few years and lived with her two teen age kids.  Ginger and I would go out to eat often or just call each other everyday. Many times we would hang out and watch TV since we lived in the same suburb.  Other times we would meet at the El Chico for dinner and Blue Wave to drink.   I miss that.

She was often involved in the drag pageants. She would work the door or be someone’s dresser back stage.  She knew several of the queens by name.  Yep, she was my buddy.  She would help me dress at he shows and help with props at the pageants.  She was also good with bouncing ideas around when I needed creative input. 

I remember, I was booked for New Years Eve show at Illusions in Dallas.  It was a drag bar and Ginger and I made plans to ring in the New Year.  I didn’t know that it would be the beginning of a major change in our friendship.  I arrived and the show started. I assumed Ginger was on her way. As midnight approached I called her. No answer.  I was not happy.  My friend was missing the New Year’s celebration.  She finally called back after midnight.  She was upset. She was driving to Shreveport, her home town.   She shared the news that her mom had collapsed at a local veteran group New Years party.  She was being rushed to the hospital and Ginger was driving to Shreveport to be with her Mom. Apparently her mother was helping set up the party and suffered a stroke/heart attack at the VFW hall.   Her mother, Betty, I met once when she was in Dallas for a visit.  She was well dressed, educated and funny.   She was an active older woman who had several close friends and a bubbly personality; just like Ginger. Setting across from them I noticed the similarities.  Ginger was so much like her mother. It was cute.

Ginger’s mom was in serious condition.  It was sad.  From what I understand, she never woke up again.  She left this world a few weeks later after the family decided it was best to let her go.  Ginger was gone for several weeks after ward.  She and her family had the difficult task of dealing with the death, and her mother’s estate.  Ginger and her family had just suffered a difficult event. I personally was conflicted.  I wanted to call everyday to check on Ginger but also wanted to giver her time to deal with her loss privately with her true family.  I tried to reassure Ginger that she had my support if she needed me. 

During her time in Shreveport, Ginger reconnected with a childhood friend, Robert.  She always called him Bobby since childhood.  Now he was Robert.  Robert’s and Ginger’s mothers had been long time friends.  When Ginger and Robert were kids they used to play together.  They had grown up and lost touch. Gingers mothers passing brought them back together.  I guess maybe it was fate.  Ginger had told me she had no intentions of ever going back to Shreveport.  She had suffered through a tough marriage and difficult relationships there.  She had finally made peace with her past and was doing her best to be a good mom. (Which she was). 

Ginger continued to see Robert and eventually introduced him to her friends.  I was not too sure what to think of him.  Rough around the edges does not quite cover it with Robert. .He has long wild hair, and a deep voice. Outwardly,  he looks tough.  Maybe like a biker?  Looks are very deceiving.   Robert is a great person.  He is loyal, friendly, honest and open minded.  He is self employed and enjoys life.  He also has a way of letting Ginger think she is running everything.  I remember the first time he came to a drag show with Ginger.  I said hello. He said “what’s up sugar britches?” I  could not help but laugh.  He is a good man and eventually he became Ginger’s husband.  In September 2010 they made it official.  Yep, she wore a white dress and walked down the aisle to be Mrs. Robert Hankinson.  I was the unofficial bridesmaid.   She even wore my good ‘gut-sucking’ girdle.  I always joke, that it is steel belted.  It holds you in like a stuffed sausage.  They got married in Shreveport and now reside there. The wedding reception was fun. I think there is video of me on stage lip syncing to “girls just want to have fun” as a boy. I guess that what happens when you have a margarita machine at the reception.  She left her life in Dallas and found love after saying good bye to her mother. 

Ginger is still a good friend.  It is nice to have some one who gives you great advice, keeps me motivated and listens to me bitch about my life.  Friends like her are hard to find.  Some times when Ginger calls me on her way home from work, it reminds me of the old days when she was here local and we shared so much on a daily basis. 

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Here is another quick recipe : THE TRAILER PARK BARBIE


Nothing tops off an afternoon bar-b-que like a refreshing adult drink. I’m sure most people have heard about a Malibu Barbie. It is a drink made with rum 2 oz Malibu® coconut rum and 8 oz pineapple juice.


Ginger and I made our own drink, THE TRAILER PARK BARBIE….Pineapple Fanta and as much vodka as you want! Ahh, enjoy.

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"what was she thinking?"

Every pageant girl tries to showcase them self as a performance artist in a way that will impress the judges and earn her the most points.  Most queens will pantomime the words to a song or a few sing live.  The queens that lip-sync are usually acting out the song and may include dance choreography or props to enhance the overall presentation.  I have seen some really elaborate sets, music mixes and choreographed routines in my years of pageants.  I have seen girls win big national pageants with the talents that produce. 

A few of my favorites:  I saw Alicia Markstone produce a fantastic Marry Poppins talent  complete with set, costumes and theatre quality acting.  Then when she came back on final night, Alicia added two small children to act the parts of the spoiled English children.  That was a great twist and it worked!

I also saw Dominique Sanchez win Miss Gay America with her disco theme talent.  My favorite part was the beginning.  She started in darkness to the song Flashlight and had her dancers waving lit flashlights in the dark.  It was a great effect. 

I also was amazed to see the elaborate grand stair case that Kris Kohl “built” on stage for her Hello Dolly talent the year she was Miss Oklahoma and competed at Miss Gay America. She had the look, the costumes and the dancers just like in movie.   Kris and I recently judged a state pageant, and I joked that “Kris knows props, hell, she will build you a stair case”

There were how ever, some really bad, horrible and oddly bad talents too. I have omitted the names  to protect the untalented. 

 I will never forget a young queen from Arkansas,  she was presenting an African inspired tribal dance routine.  She was bare legged and wearing a native costume.  She kneeled down infort of the judges table.  Alll you could see was her duct take had come loose from her crotch. And her boy nut was bulging out.  Poor child, I'm sure she was embarrassed. 

I also saw a girl at Miss America do a Sonny and Cher number.  They did ‘the beat goes on’.  She was Cher.  It was rather poor performed. At a point the music, she takes the guitar from Sonny and hits him over the head.  He falls down and rolls off the stage.  Then Cher reaches behind the curtain and the music changes to “I got you babe”.  She pulls out an Urn full of ashes!  She uses the Lid of the Urn to mimic the Sonny vocal part and she lipsyncs to the Cher role.  Then she pulls a bob wig out of the jar of ashes and flings ashes all over the stage.  It was tacky and tasteless.  Needless to say, she did not win. 

I also saw a queen to “I’m your private Dancer” She was dressed as Tina and sat in a chair.  Where was the Dancing?  I did not get it.     *inquisitive look, shake of head*

I also saw a girl do a Pooping talent number.  She had a toilet onstage and sat there, panties down and lip synced to “why does it hurt so bad” by Whitney Houston.  The music also had fart sounds added.  It was shocking and in poor taste.  Potty humor does not set well with national EOY judges.  And yes she got up and wiped afterward.  I was appalled.  Thank goodness she did not win.

Trisha Yearwood's Crack

My mama was a great cook. I mean she was a really great cook. (It’s funny My dad NEVER thought so.) Many times she was told that she should open her own Mexican restaurant. She had a natural flare that would have served her well if she had ever had the opportunity to give it a go. I loved watching her cook. Some times she would let me help chop, stir or simply sample the food. To me, eating food with someone you love is a very personal thing; Second only to love making. It allows you the opportunity to connect and share you opinions about the food or enjoy conversation with one another. The home cooked meal is a lost art. I enjoy being a home cook and find my self creating my own recipes at home. I am not a professional cook, but I do enjoy cooking.

Danielle Starr

Many of my friends I keep up with on Face Book. I have posted pictures of my triumphs in the kitchen. They liked the photo of my pecan pie and the tortillas I tried to master. It seems there are several friends who also enjoy cooking and baking. I have asked a few to share special recipes with me. I am honored to be able start posting them on my blog.

I met Danielle Starr in Dallas a couple of years ago. She is a member of the United Court of the Lone Star Empire in Dallas.  The UCLSE is an organization that raises money for AIDS charities and help other people in need.  They are a good group of people.  I have been lucky to work with them as an entertainer when ever they need me.  Danielle was on stage the first time I saw her.  She had a way of capturing the audience.  She is an older queen, but NOT old.  She was friendly and easy to get to know.  She smiles a lot and the light seems to always sparkle in her eyes.  Or maybe that was just the glitter! 

Danielle seems to enjoy cooking and baking. She has even extended an invitation to join her in the kitchen. I think I will take her up on her offer soon.  She sent me this recipe that she acquired from Country singer Trisha Yearwood.  I am not sure how she is connected to Miss Yearwood, but in my mind, I imagine Danielle broke into her home and stole it right out of the pantry.  Either way it seems to a tasty snack.  All you need is a few simple ingredients.  I also appreciate how Danielle keeps it simple by “guess-ta-mating”  the measurements. 

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Trisha Yearwood’s- Crack

Line a cookie sheet with foil and then coat with cooking spray.  Place saltine crackers salt side down on the foil covered sheet.  Cover the entire sheet by placing crackers side by side.  Bring two sticks of butter and 1 cup of brown sugar to a low boil in a saucepan. ( approx 5 min)  Pour butter sauce over the crackers and spread evenly. Place in preheated 450 degree oven for about three minutes.  Sprinkle semi sweet chocolate morsels on top of the crackers.  Place in the oven to melt morsels.  Should only take about 45 seconds in the hot oven.  Remove from oven and spread the melted chocolate evenly over the top of the crackers. Put pan in the freezer to cool for about 15 min.  Once cool, break into pieces and store in air tight container. 

This stuff is sooo addictive, may that why they call it CRACK!  Enjoy!

( I love Eating Trisha Yearwood’s Crack.)

Jazmyn Turelle

Jazmyn Terrell was a queen I knew when I lived in OKC.  She would often be booked in shows there but she lived in Tulsa.  Jazmyn was a beautiful black queen who was a talented dancer who had costumes and music mixes that were high energy.  She was top seven at Miss Oklahoma America for several years.  I still remember the names of every girl that made top group. I’m still friends with some of them. I always liked Jazmyn Turelle.  
 I remember how amazing she looked in her black velvet gown. She had poise and quiet genuine class.  So many other girls that year would have done anything to have the skills Jazmyn posses.  I also remember her talent.  She would produce some great dance talent numbers including beautiful costumes and dancers.  She had a way of drawing people in and they believed in her dreams of success as much as she did. I also have memory of seeing her dance the house down as an entertainer.  She was always full of energy.  She wore a red fringe costume with rhinestones and leggings attached with straps.  I made one modeled after the one I saw her wearing.  She also had what I call “dance hair”  I don’t know how to describe it.  It was full and wavy, shoulder length but very bouncy.  The bouncy was important.  The movement would accent every head Pop and snap that made Jazmyn a dancing diva.  She was very much a self made queen.  I respect that about her. She did not rely on other girls nor try to “be” someone else.  She was her own person.   I always felt like the girl that made top seven were so awesome and the rest of us were just a mess.  Maybe I was.  But we all start some where.  But Jazmyn still calls me one of her OKC sisters.  That makes me feel honored. She now resides in Rogers, Arkansas, near Fayetteville. She travels for shows and competes in pageants.  I was very happy for her last year when she was 1^st alt to Miss Arkansas.   She is exciting to watch and a good person to know.  She is a diva…with out the attitude.  She doesn’t need it. She has talent and class.

I forgive you

I Forgive You -Kelly Clarkson

I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again
I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again

Cause the lights are on
But I'm never home
But I'll be back with a brand new attitude
Cause I forgive you

I forgive you
We were just a couple of kids
Trying to figure out how to live
Doing it our way
No shame, no blame
Cause the damage is done
And I forgive you

I forgive you
We were busy living the dream
Never noticed the glass ceiling falling on us
No shame, no blame
Cause the damage is done
And I forgive you

I forgive you, I forgive me
Now do I start to feel again
If I hate you, what does that do
So I breathe in and I count to 10

Cause the lights are on
And I'm coming home
Yes I am back
With a new heart in my hand
Cause I forgive you

This is a new song by Kelly Clarkson that spoke to me with memories of my late husband.  We really were just two people in love, not ever thinking about what become of us or how our relationship would end.  I always carried guilt of not doing enough for him toward the end of his illness.  I try to forgive myself  and I forgive him forcing me to let him go.  Music can be a powerful thing. 

little kids grow up

Each year the elementary school would conduct a school track meet.   It would be based on the Track Meets Competitions that the high school students competed in.  Many times, the high school students would run the events or act as score keepers.  From my fourth grade perspective, they were grown ups.

this is not me, but I thought it was funny.

We would train and learn about each event during our daily PE class. Our coaches would explain how each event worked, what you had to do to win and prepare us for the actual track meet.  We would sign up for events that interested us.  It was required that we do one field event and one running event.  We also had to chose a team and do a relay race. I tried to practice at home.  I would jog around the neighborhood and concentrate on my stride and breathing.  Each of these things was supposed to help with endurance and stamina.  I tried to apply every thing the coach had told us.  The field event I wanted to enter was the softball throw. We were just kids, and a shot put was too heavy so they had us throw a softball.  The goal was to throw it the farthest.  I looked forward to the day.  There would be games, a picnic lunch, and awards for the kids.  Then after a few weeks of preparations and waiting we loaded a bus and crossed town to the High school track. Many parents came to see their kid’s events, but as usual, my parents were at work.  Back then, there was no such thing as a personal day.  I understood but still it would have been nice to see a smiling face.   I couldn’t wait to show off my ribbons when I got home. 

The day was not what I expected.  The after noon turned hot.  The other kids got to enjoy hugs from their parents. Sadly, my performance was poor.  For me, there are key moments in my life where you realize how different you.  The running events were hard for a fat kid. I was doomed to failure. I was too fat to run.  I was last in the 50 yard dash.  I wanted to win, but only got second in the softball throw.  By the time the relay race was came, I was already feeling defeated. I didn’t even try. 

Life can be the same way. Hard lessons about our limitations come and hit you like a ton of bricks. I have a seen my share of bricks, lord knows.   You are given a sack of bricks automatically in my world.  Those bricks hurt, but now I’m stronger. As a man, it is up to me what I do with those bricks. It’s was not with in my realm of understanding in fourth grade.  But I understand it now.   Life is a journey of self discovery.  Each brick has weighed on me for years.  I carried them around and was afraid to lay them down. I chose now to lay those brick and make a road in to my future.  I do have plans. Many are still in the works.  Some are drag related, some are not. They are the things that I find important and meaningful and fulfilling to me.   I am taking some classes in the fall.  I want to buy a house.  I want to take a trip but it may take me another year to truly make it happen.  But I am ok with that.  I want to promote two new prelims in the pageant system I am currently representing.  It will all me to remain involved and help it grow after my rein is complete.  Then next year my goal is to go back to Miss USofA at Large.  I like competing with girls my size.  I want to place better than I did the first time.  My goal is to place in the top 12 at national pageant.  I recently meet Dessire Demornay, Miss Gay USofA at Large in OKC.  She was great.  She left a positive impression on me and it is motivating me to try again in the at large system.  I have grown as a person and entertainer.  Now is the time to return and show them how far I have come.

I thought, at one time that I may want to me Miss Gay America.  It is the oldest national pageant for female impersonators in the country.  But after the past few attempts in the system, I quickly let that go...  Now this is just my OPINION:  There seems to be a cookie cutter project every year that turns out similar girls as the national title holder.  Other may disagree.  They even look alike.    I don’t have those advantages.  Can you really dream a dream, let it go and then rebuild it again?  Or was the dream on hold.  Who knows?  Do I have the desire to be Miss Gay America?

I have to complete my other obligations first.  I know I limitations, but as an adult and am also aware of my strengths.  Now is the time to pull them all together and see what I can do to make all my goals become reality. 

friends

 I try to be friends with many different people, each one appeals to the different sides of my self.  But recently I am having problems connecting with a friend.  He is very closed off, and shares little about himself.  I like him.  He is friendly.  I just wish he open up more to me.  Friends are an important support system for me.  I try to also offer support/friendship when ever I can too.  I am not a theripist nor can I 'fix" anyone, but I can be a friend. ...on second thought I guess I'm wasting my time.