Letters from the heart

I used to write letters.  Yes old fashion hand written letters.  I started doing this in about 2003, right after my mom died.  I loved her very much.  I used my breaks at work to write to her.  I told her I missed her and told her about my day.  The boring stuff that happens everyday I would write. It was a way of trying to release my feelings. When I was having a bad day,  I would write.    I have been through so much pain in my life, I just needed to get it out of me.  I have buried three of the most significant people in my life.  My mom in 2003, my dad in 2005 and my partner in 2006.  Each time I continued to write letters to them.  There was only one problem.  I did not have anyone to send them to. There are no stamps to heaven. This was my hidden pain.   It was a way of self soothing  my emotions. Now I write for a different reason.  I pushed through all the bad things in my life.  I feel good about writing a blog. It was like an open letter to the world.  I know a few people have read it.           

I had a dream. No, I’m not the remarkable Martin Luther King.  It was not that sort of dream. But it did make an impression on me.  I dreamt that I was fishing.  I was floating along on a piece of wood.  I was slowly moving.  The water was lapping over the edges of my make shift raft.  If I remember correctly it was the remains a door, like a barn door.  Then I felt a tug on the fishing pole I was holding.  I pulled back to discover that my pole had broken.  I wanted to reel in the fish, but my only option was to pull on the string with my hands.  I was exhilarated. I pulled and pulled. I finally dragged a big bass on the drifting door with me. It was a great catch.  I did my best to keep the fish from getting away.  I awoke with the vision of this big fish and how once I got him, I did not want to let him go. 

I did some research in to the meaning of my dream.  There were so many significant things in my dream.  It seemed to mirror my waking life.  In my dream I was drifting along with the remains of a door.  To me this means I am single with only the fragments of a former love closed behind me.  I want to test the waters of love again, and hope for a great catch.  A new love perhaps?   My inner self is telling me there are more fish in the see. Like the old saying.  Also it may be a struggle but it will be worth it in the end.   I feel I should be open to new love, and use the past to keep me afloat.  I am stronger than I realize.  I am finding about my inner strength every day.  Give a man a fish and he eats for a day...teach a man to fish, and he brings home a fisherman.