Today is my Cousin Johnny’s Birthday! He is two years older than I. It is odd to see him looking older. He now has gray hair and older features. But his friendly smile has not changed. I remember him as a teenager. We lived in different towns. Our family would go for visits to my Aunt Amanda house. I some times would hang out with my mom and aunts and listen to them talk. I did not speak Spanish. But sometimes I could figure out what they were talking about, by listening for the few words I knew in Spanish and the inflections in their voices. They were very expressive. I think they were gossiping. Or other times I would watch the boys play football in the yard.
My Brother and Johnny were the same age. We would all play outside together. It was more like they played, I watched. I was always too slow and weak to play well, so I just sat and watched. My brother always made fun of him. My brother would tease Johnny about not being fast enough or make fun of his stance in foot ball. (I think my brother was a bully.) Mostly because my brother was a jerk…I mean jock. My brother would try to compete with Johnny, only to prove himself more macho. After a while, Johnny avoided my brother. Why would anyone want to play with a jerk? Looking back now, I don’t blame him.
Johnny and I would see each other at family gathering, but at that time, we were not really close. I would run in to Johnny after I entered college. I left the small town and moved into the college dorms. I was away from home and became more curious about my sexuality. I had heard from friends about the local gay bar and place to go. So like an innocent fool. I went. And who did I run into, yep. I ran into my cousin Johnny. He had friends who were gay. I did not know what to say at first. I was embarrassed for being out at a gay cruising spot. I was not there cruising, honest, I really just wanted friends like me. Up until this point I had never been with a guy at all. Johnny talked to me for a while, he inquired about my family. He introduced me to some people. I think it was his way of telling me, it will be ok. We became close. He always had my back.
I was glad to have Johnny around. He became like a big brother to me. He and I became closer as me and my real brother grew distant. I remember when my parents found out about me being gay, Johnny made sure I had a place to stay and helped me find a job. He allowed me to be friends with his friends. Johnny also encouraged and supported me as a drag queen. Some of his friends were queens, so it was a natural fit for me to try it too. I turned out to be pretty good at it. He was the first person in my family to ever see me perform in a show. I think I did Whitney Houston,’ I will always love you’. It seems like a million years ago. We and our friends were all so young.
Johnny and his lover even owned a bar for several years back in Wichita Falls. It was a small place, but it was fun. I still have my rainbow “Club Cloud 9” tshirt.
Now we live in different cities. Johnny has had a hard year. He lost both parents. I understand his pain. I am thankful for my cousin Johnny. He has helped me and supported me. We are closer than cousins. And today I want to wish him a great Birthday! Hey Johnny” I will always love you”
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| Robbie, Heather, Johnny and me. OKC. |
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