The fun was back stage

 Last night was the beginning of a four day stretch in drag. The show at Woody’s in Dallas was fun. The crowd was so-so, but the real show was back stage. I worked with three other girls who I have known for a while. Chanel was the host. Chanel and I have been friends for about five years and she has been kind enough to include me in her shows, when we can both work out the scheduling. She used to run the Friday night shows back at Illusions on Maple Ave in Dallas. It was a small bar, but man we had some good times there.  After Illusions closed, she would invite me to Drama Room, which is where I will be tonight. Chanel is the type of person who will include friends in her shows, and help promote other entertainers, as she would herself. She is well known and respected by clubs and upcoming entertainers alike. She also gave my contact information to Woody’s a while back and I have been booked there off and on.  Last nights show as also fun because I worked with Jada Fox, and tall thin black queen who has a true inner beauty that matches her outer beauty. She is a true sweetheart. Also included was Nia Courtland. She is a cute and sassy black queen.  She and I used to work together in Arlington. She was new then and a cute dancer. I stopped booking in Arlington in 2009. Since I saw her last, she has blossomed into solid all around female impersonator.  It was great to see. She is on the right track.

We laughed and talked and giggled back stage. We also wise cracked on each other. It was so fun, I wish the rest of the audience could have been back there with us.  I had a great time. Then I got home at 2am and had to be up early for work.

Yes my long weekend had begun. I will be at Drama Room tonight, Saturday is the Gay Pride Parade in Fort Worth during the day. And Sat night I am booked with Tasha Kohl in Fort Worth for a Burlesque theme show. Gotta run. I have a million things to do.

early pictures

I found some more old pictures. I should not say “Found”.  Found is not really the word. Honestly, I have a four of those old chunky photo albums at home with old drag pictures.  From them I pulled a few to share on my blog.  Many are blurry and out of focus. It was never easy, trying to capture the magic of a dance number on a still image. I would throw a deposable camera in my purse and hit the bar.  Most of them were taken by me or my friends. They were taken before digital cameras were really available.  I have pictures from shows and some are from nights hanging at the local bar in Wichita Falls. Also they document my transformation from a boy in a dress to a queen in an evening gown.  They are good times to remember, but some are not so pretty. I keep telling my self, that we all start somewhere.  We all look back and point out the funny clothes and weird hair styles.  The very first picture of me was taken at my Drag Mother Todd’s Apartment.  We affectionately called him Miss Todd, even though her stage name was Crystal Lace.  Crystal was a local queen back in Wichita Falls.

Well here I am in my black top and gold lame’ pants. I am kind of embarrassed to show this picture from 1994. My sister picked out that small heart choker. It was delicate, like I thought a “girl” should be. I wore a coat because it was cold out side. For the first year of drag, I had one pair of black shoes. I remember Miss Todd referring to them as my “Biscuit heels”. They had short chunky heels, it reminded him of a biscuit. It was not a slim sexy heel, like other girls wore. I did not know how to walk in them. I was more concerned about finding the right size, and less about fashion.  I did not have a wig so Todd let me use one of his old cast offs form the bottom of the closet. It was a mess.  I thought it looked too blunt around the face so I wanted to feminize it with a head band.  Oh my, I think it looks silly now, but back then, I was just trying to fit in. I used some of Todd’s make up. Everyone who was going out, was so worried about their own look, that no bothered to help me. So I just tried my best. I used as little as possible, because I didn’t want to use it all up. After all it was not mine. I did not wear nails, so I kept my hands in my pockets all night.  It took enough courage to pick out those clothes at the mall, I was not brave enough yet to buy fake nails at the beauty supply.  I would have been like announcing to the world “hey I’m weird, please beat me up”. I was just finding out how much I could handle my self. Admitting to myself that I enjoyed being in drag was so against what I was used to.  I was not about to air my laundry to anyone else. Plus I did not want word getting back to my parents, that their son was playing dress up and had been seen buying makeup.

By the next year, I had done three shows, but had gotten dressed up about a dozen times. I was stil in college. We girls would practice our new art by just going out to socialize in drag. It was not uncommon to make plans for the weekend, prepare all week long and then converge on the bar on Saturday night in “geeish” as we called it. It was slag for “Geisha”. Nowadays we all say “going in face”. I was slowly collecting clothes and had a few wigs of my own. The little make up I bought and clothes all had to be kept at Todd’s or with my sister. Each time, I got better and better at my makeup. I had even started thinning my brows and shaving my arms, before I would just over them with sleeves or gloves. I had also bought a real gown with sequins and beads. It cost me 200 dollar at Dillard’s in 1995, but I felt like a goddess. It was too short for a real pageant, but I did not care. I loved to sparkle in it. It was my one good dress. I also found a wig store that was run by an Asian woman. I felt safe buying from her, because my mama did not know any Asian people, who might give me away. I always felt my short wigs made me look older, and in a way, that was ok, because I was only 20.  I didn’t want others to know how young I was. (Now I would kill to look young again.)

In 1996, I was pushing my boundaries’. I had moved away from my parents and was living with friends. My mom was trying her best to deal with my coming out and it was better to give her space. I was running with the queens and enjoying my new hobby. I had even taken a job that allowed me time to be in shows. I had grown my hair out and even tried coloring it red. I wanted to be someone new. I was trying different styles of songs, dress and makeup. I had even hot glued some costumes just to be creative.

By mid 1996, I was doing shows in OKC, in Lawton and had even tried Dallas.  It was nice to be out of town. Once we even took our straight friends to OKC with us. Here is a picture of Heather, Robbie,(her boyfriend) and Johnny, my gay cousin and me. I was back to my natural hair color. No more red. I looked good, it was my “fish” look. I liked OKC because the clubs were located in the same complex as the hotel.  I was no stranger to the Habana Inn on 39^th. It was the gay cruising hotel where men would stay and frolic around the hotel and chase each other. I was not there for the hookups, I was there for the shows. Some times three or four of us queens would travel together. Open talent night was on Thursdays.  We could all stay in one room and paint our faces and dress. Then walk down to the lobby and right into the clubs. The Club was called Gushers back them. It would later be remodeled in to the Copa. I know there were others in the group who only wanted to go” loitering “in the hallways looking for tricks after the club closed. That was their prerogative. I figured if I paid for part of the room, then they could go trick, in their tricks room.  I just wanted to sleep, plus my feet were killing me. I had been through some bad boyfriends; I was not looking for that. I was more interested in refining my craft.

COPA EOY 2000

It was another rough day. I am hoping tomorrow will be better.  I did however find a newapaper clipping from 2000. It was in the Gayly Oklahoman, which the local gay newspaper in OKC. I had for gotten it even existed.  It was the first pageant I won in Oklahoma.  I was Miss Copa EOY 2000. I went on to compete in Prairie States Regional EOY. I placed runner up at that regional pageant in 2001. 

Pictured L-R.  Ladonna Nicole, of Tulsa, Mattie Madison of OKC -Winner, Vanna Vincent of Wichita, Kansas -Runner up and Mia Adams Miss Copa EOY 1999 who crowned the new winner. Pageant was held in May of 2000 at the COPA in OKC.

Super Busy

Wed, I will be sewing my fingers to the bone. I need outfits for myself.

Thurs: booked at Woody’s in Dallas 11 pm

Fri: booked at Drama Room in Dallas  11:45pm

Sat: Tarrant County Gay Pride Parade 10 am…in full drag. (I will be painting at 7am.)

Sat night: Gay Pride Burlesque Show in Fort Worth with Tasha Kohl  9pm

Also keep in mind that I have to work every day this week, as usual.  I will be worn out on Sunday. I do not think I will be going to the Pride Picnic on Sun. I will be trying to recover.

I refuse to deal with it.

I had a whole new post that was supposed to go in this section of my blog, but well…I deleted it.  I really wanted to talk about my last weekend, but I can’t.  I refuse to deal with that drama at this time.

Things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Dinsmore Elementary School photo

  I wanted to be several things when I grew up. None of them came true exactly like I had hoped. But to be fair, more has happened than I ever imagined. I thought I wanted to be a pilot, or a lawyer, or an actor.  But like many small kids, I started out just wanting to be like my Dad. I was too young to see his flaws. It would turn out he had several.  But still I looked up to him. I never knew my dad was just hired help. I saw him as a man who was responsible, and worked hard. I imagined my dad was in charge, I assumed because he was so good at running the family, surely he must be the same at work. He loved telling us kids what to do. He had a boss who was demanding, but it seemed normal. We all have to take direction from someone in life, especially at work.  I wanted to be like my dad.  The oldest memory of my Dad at work was very early. I was about three. We lived in Kansas; it had to be Kansas, because my sister Anita was a baby. I was born in Texas and she was born in Kansas. During this time my dad worked for a construction company. I guess when you are a kid; it looked like My Dad built a bridge. What a marvelous feat. My four year old self was impressed.  In reality, everyone contributes and the end result is a massive piece of highway system. No one told me, he was just part of a crew that built highway bridges.  Construction work was and still is a good place for uneducated Hispanics to make decent money. We would take my dad lunch on the job site. Plus my mom had four small kids at home, so it was an excuse to get out of the house. I remember seeing the large beams and large heavy equipment on my Dad’s job site. It was massive. My parents only had one car, and my mom would keep it a few days a week so that she could go shopping or run errands.  I remember days they would get in a fight, my dad would not let her keep the car. He used it as punishment.  We would have to walk every where. My parents bounced back and forth from Texas through Oklahoma and up to Kansas. My dad and mom moved where the work was. That was our life for the first few years.  I remember when my Dad’s boss died. It was odd. I was not sure how to feel. I did not know him. But my mom made us go to the funeral home and see him. It was creepy and uneasy.  My mom made us kneel down and pray for the soul of this departed man. It was not emotional, but my mom said it was the respectful thing to do. She lead us all in a prayer. It was like giving a stranger a hug and wishing them well like they were going on a trip. I am glad we did have to really hug him. That would have been super creepy. My dad would soon leave that job; he always claimed they owed him money. Who knows for sure?  But my Dad always had job connections. He always worked.  I wanted to be like my Dad because he was a hard worker and he taught me how important it was to be a provider.

update

Just quick update. I had a consultation with a client yesterday. Originally this lady wanted a dress. She showed me the fabrics and told me what she wanted.  I set up an appointment for measurements and you guessed it…she had changed her mind. It is a good thing I did not cut her fabric.  She now needs a skirt and a jacket.  It does not matter to me, except now I can charge her more money. She made a down payment and I can now get started. It will be done in a few days.  I am going to save my self some time and use a pattern.  Also I got my drag room in order, I worked on another dress for my sale yesterday, and I did not go to work. I gave myself a much needed day off... with pay.   

Well great news. I have once again been invited to be a vendor at Dallas Coronation. It will be the last weekend in October.  I had been expecting an email from the committee chair person any day, but nothing came. I was concerned. It seemed that the committee had selected a new person to head the vendor sale committee for the event. I talked in person to Kerri Lynn, the Regent Empress of Dallas. She and I were in the show at the Hidden Door this past Saturday night. It was a good thing. She said that the committee did not have my contact information. No one knew how to reach me. I assume the last person did not pass it along to them. What ever the case, I am excited now. I have a month to work on new dresses.  I will be pulling fabrics and working o some sketches this week.  I also need to order rhinestones. The ones I had are almost gone. Every girl loves bling bling. I also need to get my drag room in order. It still looks like a tornado from the last pageant.  I am also happy that this trunk show will be here in Dallas. I don’t have to lug this stuff all over the state again. That can be a pain.  It is great to be invited back to another Dallas Coronation. This is my third year. The people are the friendliest in Texas.

My weekend was good.

Hidden Door Show
I sweated off my makeup, not a good look
But my legs look good.

I had a show on Saturday. It was at the Hidden Door in Dallas. This is not my usual spot but overall the night was a success. Plus the beer was 50c a glass.  I am not a beer drinker unless I’m close to broke.  That was me on Saturday night. The show was a fundraiser show for Home for the Holidays. Some times I am asked to raise a few dollars for local charity, and I truly don’t mind doing so. There are so many charities that need money. And ‘Home for the Holidays’ in a good one. Basically they help send HIV/Aids affected people home to see their families, for what may be their last visit. Or they may bring them family to them. These individuals need money to help with travel, so me donating my time is well worth it.  So many people are still fighting this terrible illness. Plus the show was during Gay Pride Week activities in Dallas.  I knew it would be a good crowd and it was. Also I got to spend time with some close friends of mine. They are a couple, one is a queen like me, and he is so funny.  I was at the beginning of the line up and again at the end. So I had 30 entertainers in between to enjoy the show and laugh with friends. I know that sound like a lot but everyone is welcome at a charity show. So they start early and end late. Plus the more money they raise the better I say. We raised over 3000 that night.  I also got to see other friends that I don’t always see. Each one was in a good mood. The show ended about midnight. I was so tired that after my last number, I went straight home. I had been in drag for about 6 hours. I took off my face and relaxed before bed.  I wanted to get some sleep before the Dallas  Gay Parade the next day. I had plans to go with friends and family.  My cousin Johnny and his boyfriend came to Dallas for the weekend.  We got there 2 hours before the parade started in order to get a shady spot and set up our camping chairs on the grass along Cedar Springs. I was not really in the mood for thousands of high pitched voices and naked drunk people or chicks that dress like dudes, but I went. I quickly remembered what a beating it is to go every year. Im glad only happens once a year. I did enjoy the colorful floats and saw some of my favorite queens on the floats.  I was bummed that I was not asked to be on a float, after all I am a newly crowned title holder. I had already spoken to Jade and she I want to make sure next years winners have their moment in the Hot Blazing sun….since we did not. As expected the biggest, most colorful costumes and floats were from the Latin clubs. They really know how to sparkle and shine. I know that next month is the Tarrant County Pride Parade. I got a phone call today, our Pageant system owners want Jade and I to ride in the Tarrant County Pride Parade. They have already made the arrangement. So I’m excited about that. Next year we will hopefully have representation in both Dallas and Fort Worth Pride Parades!  I guess I will paint my face and don my big crown... and I will wave like a beauty queen. 

I would date a Smurf.

Here is a picture of my little Smurfs. They live on my shelf above my desk at work. I got them at McDonald’s. I asked my sister, which Smurf I was? She said…Vanity. I gasped, hand clutched to my chest.

Vanity Smurf is kind of a narcissist. The term is used to describe both normal self-love and unhealthy self-absorption due to a disturbance in the sense of self. Wow, I am not that bad. I take pride in how I look. But vanity has me beat.  He has a flower in his hat, and he often holds a hand mirror, staring into his own reflection, which he kisses often. In the Hanna-Barbera cartoon series, Vanity speaks in an effeminate voice.  My voice? Ok, you got me there. Damn, point taken.

If I were a Gay Smurf, you would think I would be interested in a Hefty Smurf, who is strong and works out…or maybe  Handy Smurf who is manly and builds things….but nope.

Grouchy Smurf is the misanthropic grouch of the Smurf village. His catchphrase is "I hate (something somebody else mentions)". Grouchy usually has a scowl on his face.  In the cartoon version he seems to have always have been a grouch.  Despite his grouchiness, he has a soft spot for Baby Smurf and the Smurflings. He is sometimes asked to care for the Baby Smurf. And he shows genuine concern for the baby’s care. I think Grouchy is deep down an old softy. I like that about him. I think he has good qualities that no one else knows about. I would date a Grouchy. If I were a Smurf, I mean.

Terrible Tuesday, I remeber

The 1979 Red River Valley tornado outbreak was a tornado event that occurred on April 10, 1979 near the Red River Valley. It's most noted for the F4 tornado that hit Wichita Falls, Texas and is commonly referred to as "Terrible Tuesday" by many meteorologists. Wichita Falls was the neasest big city to where we lived. The population is about 125,000.  In 1979 I was four years old. We had just welcomed one of my younger sisters to the family. She was only about three months old. I was small but I remember this event. We helped my Aunt and Uncle in Wichita, because there was no electricity and water for days afterward. We also took them food and ice.

April 10, 1979 stands out in Texas weather records as the day with the most destructive tornado in the history of the Lone Star State. The EF-4 which hit the city was a truly mammoth tornado about a mile wide and made one huge mess for the city of Wichita Falls. It was part of a larger event known as the “Red River Outbreak”.

In many ways it was a “textbook” setup for tornado-producing storms. Deep surface low pressure, southerly winds and moist northward air. It formed into what would be the storm zone. A dry line, a boundary between extremely dry air and moist air, was developing to the west of Wichita Falls during the early afternoon, providing a focal point to spawn thunderstorms. Upper level analysis indicated a fast jet stream five miles above ground level, which provides further lift and offers a tilting factor which aids severe storm formation. (yes I googled it. Thanks Google )

A Tornado Watch was posted by 2:30p.m., as it was becoming dangerously unstable in southwestern Oklahoma and northern Texas. The first tornado dropped to the ground at 3:05p.m., at Crowell, TX. A killer tornado went through Vernon, TX about a half hour later, killing 11 and wiping out a good portion of the town. The super-cell thunderstorm which would become the Wichita Falls event formed north of Abilene, TX. It then moved generally northeast towards its target. Our town, Electra, was between Vernon and Wichita falls on HWY 287. I remember my mother praying over us as we hid in an interior bathroom.  We had winds and rain but no tornado touched down in Electra.

The actual tornado took form several miles southwest of the city in Archer County, and traveled over mostly open country. The tornado moved into town from the southwest, it first struck Memorial Stadium and McNeil Junior High School in Wichita Falls proper, leaving both with severe damage. The tornado's first fatalities were recorded in an apartment complex and neighboring housing. As the funnel continued on the ground, it leveled the Southwest National Bank Building except for its vault.

Hundreds of homes were chewed up and spit out by this huge wind machine.  Ben Milam Elementary School was all but destroyed as well. Luckily, school was long over for the day when this happened. The tornado managed to just avoid Midwestern State University, remaining on its south side, but then went on to cause extreme damage to more residential areas.  My college professor told me of how he and his wife were in a JC penny in the mall when the tornado struck. The mall was severely damaged.  A number of people tried the escape from the tornado by getting in cars and driving away. The tornado blew many of those vehicles off the road, killing many of the drivers. There were a total 42 tornado fatalities in Wichita Falls, of which 25 were vehicle related.

The National Weather Service narrative sums up the damage:

“Total property damage in Wichita Falls was estimated at $400,000,000 (in 1979 dollars). Over 3,000 homes were destroyed and another 1,000 were damaged, and over 1,000 apartment units/ condominiums were destroyed and another 130 damaged. In addition, approximately 140 mobile homes were destroyed, two schools were demolished and 11 others sustained serious damage. Over 100 commercial businesses, some of them large manufacturing concerns, were destroyed. It is estimated that 5,000 families, containing 20,000 residents, were left homeless in Wichita Falls. Such a total would mean that between 10% and 20% of the population of the city was displaced by the tornado. To put the deaths and property damage in perspective, it should be noted that as many as 42 people have not been killed in the United States by a single tornado in the 20 years since the event, and the total property damage of $400,000,000 still stands as the most costly tornado in American history.”

There were 42 deaths directly caused by the tornado, along with over 1500 injuries. The tornado left 20,000 people homeless.  I remember seeing homes destroyed, and shopping centers/stores wrecked. If you look today, it changed the face of the city. There are still vacant lots and open areas that were cleaned up but never rebuilt.

Our old house

This is a pic ture I found on the internet. This House is similar to our old one...It is erie, the similarity in what I remember in my head. I dont know where this house is really located.

I remember several things from my child hood. Some I have talked about previously. We lived in an old house in Electra. I remember this as the first place I lived. When I was a baby we lived in Wichita, Kansas. I don’t remember that at all. I was born in 1974. The big house on Ave B, brings back memories of my mom. It was there that I remember my mom cooking, in the small kitchen. I remember her always making beans. Beans were a staple in our Mexican family home. Plus they were cheap. We has a big black stove and an old white 50’s fridge.  Our table was given to us by the neighbors. The house was probably built in the 20’s. My parents bought it for a few thousand dollars in the early 1970’s.  It was old and run down. There were things about the house that stick out in my mind. First, there was no hot water, there was a room upstairs that we never used, and for some reason, we always entered through the back of the house. We did not even use the front door. The house set on an acre of land. The house was there way before the neighborhood was built around it. Our house and lot was huge compared to others on either side. We had a big yard and lots of room to play. We were good at entertain our selves with stories and made up games.( I still enjoy making up games. We have The Movie Game and the Who am I? Game. We act out something/or someone for the other one to laugh at.) We would also play in the old cars that my dad had parked on the side of the house. They were fun. I don’t know where they came from, but we would pretend we were going some where and my Big sister would “drive”.  She was 7, and could not reach the pedals. But it was more about the fake steering. We would play for hours then go watch one of the tree channels on TV in my mom and Dad’s room.

I remember my brother and sister got to go to school. I was too young. I was about four. I cried because I wanted to go too. I did not like spending hours by myself and my younger sister, Anita, was still in a crib.  I didn’t know what a school was or where it was. I just wanted to be with them. It was not until I finally got to school, that I realized my siblings and I were to be in different grades.  No one told me that.  We had always been together. So on Saturday, we would play school in the front room. My oldest sister would teach us whatever she remembered from the previous week at real school.  My brother was never good at this game. He was always more active. He made me play War with him….I think he just wanted some one to throw mud grenades at. Like a sheep, I followed. I admired him, until I finally realized he did not like me. He could be mean. He was not a good big brother. That wedge in our relationship still exists.

We would plant a small garden on the other side of the house. My dad liked fresh peppers and my mom grew them. Also she grew tomatoes, and cantaloupes. I remember helping my mom water and weed. I also enjoyed playing in the dirt.  It was fun learning about plants. My mom was a very good nurturer: plants, pets and children.  She could tend to them all. I myself enjoy plants in my home. Some plants I have had for over 10 years. They keep living and growing. I get that from her.

When I was in first grade, we moved across town to a better house. We then lived two blocks from the school. It was an easy walk, because my parents both worked. I remember when the old house was torn down, heck it was falling down. We were the last family to live there.  It was torn down in the 80’s.  My parents owned the empty lot for years. It just sat there. We never built on it again. All that was left was the big tree and the slab from the front porch steps Then my dad willed it my brother in 2005. I heard he sold it for a few hundred dollars. I wonder if my sister remembers it?

I am pleased!

I am very pleased with my new promo pictures and crown head shots.  It was required that I get one professionally done, by the pageant owners of Miss Texas State system. I had not had any done in over a year. So I knew exactly who to call. Plus I needed the new crown in the picture.  I called my friend Bryan.  He, like me, has several passions. He has been a female impersonator for several years. Like me. But he is more that that. We each have our artistic sides and adventures.  He has an artistic eye that has lead him into photography. Plus he knows what queens want.  He was also the person who helped with mixing my music. We work very well together.  He had offered to take my pictures if I won.  He has been trying to indulge his hobby at every chance he gets.  I know he ha done a wedding, some special occasion/ black tie events and has even done head shots for a teen models in our areas.  I think Bryan enjoys making people happy with his photos.

I told him all of my “requirements”.  I know me, and I like to look good. To me, no one is perfect…you just learn to hide the imperfections and accentuate the good stuff.  I told Bryan that I did not want to look old, or stupid or old & stupid. He reassured me.  I need that. I also told him, It wanted a standard head shot first. That would satisfy the pageant owners. Then we could relax and get some more candid shots. I wanted to have fun doing the shoot too. It was like playing dress up. America’s Next Top Model aint got nothing on me!  Only I was wearing shorts underneath every thing.  No one cares if you are wearing hose and a girdle in a head shot photo. I also had a plan to do my hair in phases. I would start with simple and work to more complex stages of adding in hair pieces and the crown. This would make more sense to me than him….since I was doing my own makeup and hair for the photo session.  But Bryan took it all in stride. He also took the time to check the details. He made sure hair was soft, earrings were positioned just right and made me feel, well….like a star. And the result was great. I love my new pictures.  Now I just have to pour though the over 400 pictures he took and see which I like best. I just want to say thank you Bryan for helping me and thanks for telling to “relax and breathe”. I needed it, there is no greater pressure than packing on five pounds of make up, twenty pounds of hair  and trying to look…Natural.

more pics

I even got one pic with my Dog Whiskey, she is my baby girl.

head shots

my head shots

parade on Saturday

The gayest thing in the world is the Gay Pride parade in Dallas. Usually there are drag queens on floats, muscle guys in speedos and some times large gay groups represented by banners.  It can be a fun day.  I guess in my old age (yes I will be 37 next month-groan) I have out grown the need to go. I came out in 1994. I have seen several parades. I do think we as a gay people should try to be proud of who we are. But really I don’t need a parade for that.  I liked going years before, because it was a time to be with my friends. Plus it was entertaining. Everyone seemed so happy. Then I guess I changed. I have recently felt like slapping every little piss ant teeny-bopper queen who thinks that gay pride is reason to put on heels while sporting a goatee in public. They get on my nerves.  News flash…you look stupid. 

I went last year some single friends. Now they are coupled with boy friends. I am still single.  They will going with their boyfriends this year.  Honestly, its jealousy and envy. And I hate feeling this way. There is nothing that hurts worse than being alone in a crowd of gay men. It is supposed to a happy day, but it makes me feel like I’m not adequate. There I go feeling crapy about it.  I knew that was going to happen.  I would like to have someone special to go with.  I have one guy that I am very fond of….but he does not know it. He is smart, handsome, and kind.  I think about him all the time.  I feel a true connection. One problem, we are just friends.  Nothing romantic to report.

I am refuse to define myself by whether I have a boy friend at a parade. That would be silly for me to think that way. RiGHT?  I am going to let go of my negative feelings, by concentrating on the positive aspects of my self.  Out with the negative energy, in with the positive energy.  I say, I am not going to the parade. But will probably change my mind. Who knows. All I know is that I refuse to be miserable. Damn I need a drink.

Can’t hurt…might help.

nick names

Ok, I need a nick name. According to my teen quiz online, Everyone should have one. No one should call their friends by their real name.  Just like Snooky’s name is not “snooky”.  And “the Beib” is really Justin Beiber.  So since I am someone…then I need one too. I think I have been called every bad name the book. Even though, they were not all true. Like Fag, Slut, Whore, Home Wrecker, or worse yet…”dumb drag queen”. I have tried to let all the negative ones go, even thought I still remember them vividly. These were not nicknames, they were just names.  There are names I have managed to avoid…I have never been called a thief, liar, or cheater. 

 I have had several nick names over the years. Some were cute and others were mean. In school I was called “Hose-B”.  It took some time to figure out why this was my nick name. I did not like it because I did not know what it meant. Then I figured it out…..My Brother was Jose…as the white people pronounced it ( Hose-A) There for I was “Hose-B”.  Yes I know, that is dumb. Lucky for me it did not stick very long. 

In college, I was quiet and shy. I did not know a lot of people. So when I would join the guys for lunch in the student center they would all call out ”Norm”…just like the sitcom Cheers.  That was kind of dumb but it forced me to tell them I preferred my name…not Norm. I eventually opened up more.

Then back years ago I started doing drag, that is where I got he name ”miss maytag” It was more of people making fun of my size. My cousin’s friends thought it was funny.  They said I moved like a washing machine. But at the time, I did not let it bother me too much, because I wanted them to remember me. We all crave attention when we first venture out in the drag world. Then in later years I had Rachel Erricks from OKC called me “Crafty Sue”. She would always refer to the out fits I would make. Again, it was nice to be noticed. I’m sure she thought my out fits were ugly, but kept it a semi-cute nickname instead of mean. Rachel is a nice person, after all.  I don’t think she would ever inrentionally make fun of someone.  I remember she had names for other queens too….Like No-neck Nancy or Rita Real-girl, or Cinder-Fella.  I guess Crafty Sue was not so bad.

I bought my first sewing machine in OKC. It cost me forty hard earned dollars. It had one stitch and one bobbin. I got it threaded for the first time with black thread, and kept the same color thread for every thing. I was struggling back then, so colors were a luxury. I barely had money for fabrics. And usually I bought dollar a yard fabric from the Belle Isle station Walmart in OKC. It was the one closest to my house.

So now I need a nick name. I want some thing nice, cute and stylish or trendy. But what?

I was a superstar

I had a great evening yesterday.  I was able to hold my head up and celebrate my new crown like a celebrity. Also I looked great.  I was surrounded by people who love and support me. There were probably 15 in our group.  I have to say that the pageant in Dallas was sad.   But just to give proper respect….The best girl of the night did win. Great Job Jenna Skye. That was a good thing. It was just a small pageant with only 3 contestants. The winner deserved to win regardless of the number of contestants. I have to be clear about that.  She was great.  I also got to see some of my Favorite Miss Gay Americas..Charity Case, Catia Lee Love, Patti LePlae Safe and got to meet Coti Collins the reining MGA. She made her way through the crowd toward our flashy rhinestone crowns. She was very nice to us.

I saw this dress on Catria last night,
and Im gonna make me one.

It is sad because…This was Texas America Pageant.? Wow. The once prestigious pageant is now run into the ground. They had no prelims this year. There used to be over twenty prelims and 40 plus contestants each year.  Those days are gone.  This is the same pageant that I have tried three times to win. In fact I had been approached about entering this one.  I gave them a polite, ”heck no”. The hurt feelings from last year’s loss at Texas America are gone and I moved on.  Me not winning lat year was a blessing in disguise. I chose to set a new goal for my self…Texas State at Large. Luckily it worked out. I am head in a new direction.

It was like being a superstar last night. I was surrounded by friends and even several of this year’s pageants contestants, whom I competed with last week. I would like to see many of them return again this next year.  After all, I am their new title holder. I want to establish a good friendship with them. Also the owners of Miss Texas State system were there too. We were out own group. And no one could help but notice Jade and I wear our matching crowns and mingling with every stranger in the bar. They even announced that we were in the House during the evening. It was great to be recognized.  We tried to be as friendly as possible. I was getting good at introducing myself to strangers and then following it up with “and have you meet my friend Jade, She is Miss Texas State 2012” And FYI, I was right, she wore a cute short strapless dress and the highest heels possible. We were jokingly the “tuna sisters” because we looked like real fish. We looked great with our real girl make up on and long flowing hair. We had a great night, plus it was over early and I was able to get home hours before the bars closed. After all it was a week night.

stepping out in Dallas

Tonight Jade, Miss TX State and I are stepping out for our first appearance.  There is a pageant at the Round Up tonite in Dallas.  There are sure to be a lot of people out there.  Our goal is to be seen as the new faces for our system. Jade and I have become friends over the last few months. She got involved with the pageants because of her friend, Brittney Brooks, was last years winner.  They traveled together most of the year. She was always at Brittney’s side. She was watching and learning.  I remember the first time I met Jade. I was in the dressing room at the Brick in Dallas. There was a show in which I was an invited guest entertainer. I knew Brittney.  And with her was this little, half-tranny, looking boy. She was wearing a house dress and flip flops. Interesting look.  Now keep in mind that Jade is not a transsexual. But in street clothes she does look very feminine. Transsexuals are not allowed in the Texas State system.  We consider ourselves men who offer a true illusion of female:  We are true female impersonators. Not transsexuals.  That being said, Jade is pretty and fish looking. I hate to tell her that one day her male hormones will catch up to her. Then you have to relay on styleism over realism. You will go from looking like your sister…to looking like you mom!  When your 30, cover girl will no longer cover boys. It will take a heavier foundation to cover a male shadow. It just happens. 

Jade and I instantly started talking. I love friends like that. They seem to connect with you right away. They seem to just accept my sarcastic sense of humor.  She and I always have fun together.  She is like the little sister I never wanted.  Opps there goes my humor again. Ilike her alot, honestly.

I have invited several people to come hang out with us tonight. I hope we get a good group.  I just don’t know what to wear. Jade is probably going to wear some petite cute, real girl dress and I guess I will have to wear a modest cocktail dress. I want to look like drag sisters, not mother and daughter. I may try and sexy it up a bit, yet still look appropriate with my crown.  I may have to make something new.  I can make a dress in an hour. I want to look like I belong under that crown.

I am proud of myself







Jade Books Miss Texas State & Mattie Madison
Miss Texas State at Large 2012





presentation costume: theme futuristic fashion



It is time for the big news. I won the pageant.  I am the new Miss Texas State at Large 2012.  There were 11 contestants. I felt very prepared going into the pageant. I set goals and pushed until each thing was complete.  I had been involved with this system for the last four years as an MC and entertainer. I had been traveling around the state with the pageant circuit doing shows and getting my face out there as a contender.  It all came down the state level pageant.  This years "crop" of girls were all unique and talented. Especially the group from Longview TX.  They have one bar in Longview, Decisions.  I was there for the first time about 12 years ago.  The girls from this one –bar town did not play. They had dancers and stunning gowns.  Also there were several of us from the DFW area.  My interview on Saturday was great. I felt relaxed and comfortable in my new suit and I was also confident in myself. As you know, it had been a long road to get back to my happy place.  I have been working hard on making my self a better person inside and out. 





I was wearing these futuristic glasses,
this is me taking them off.

I left interview and returned home to change and pack for the pageant that evening. We were on limited time because the pageant started at 7 pm.  I was driving back and forth all weekend. I live in Irving and the pageant was near downtown Fort Worth. It was about a thirty minute drive. The other girl’s hotel was two blocks from the bar.  I got home and started steaming my new dress. The layers of satin and organza seemed to gather a multitude of wrinkles over night.  I was determined to look my best.  I was excited about wearing it. I had stoned, and beaded the bodice by hand and I had new shoes ready to go. Then tragedy set in. My NEW dress had a big oil stain on the bodice. It was the size of my hand. I freaked. The dress was laid on top of some dirty make up towels, on top of the washer. I guess I was not looking when I put it there.  It was too late. The damage was done. I tried to clean it by hand. (I think I will have to send it out to be professionally cleaned.)  I called my friend Jamie and just started crying. She (he) calmed me down and told me to wear my orange gown from last year. I was so upset I wanted to quit. I had just spent time and money adding rhinestones to that damn dress. I pulled the orange one out from underneath my bed. It had been there for months.  I made sure I had shoes and jewelry. I love that dress but was not prepared to wear it again but I had no other choice. I pulled my scattered mind together and breathed.  Why today? Damn my luck. I just kept hearing those words "model like the only thing missing is the crown".  I kept that in mind when I got to the pageant.  I gave them my best "Rachel Wells" elegant walk and glamorous smile. I wanted to prove my self to be a true beauty queen during the gown competition.  I was very proud of myself for not giving up. I scored high in gown.  Unfortunately I did not win gown category, but that is ok, because I still won everything else! I won onstage Q&A.  They loved my creative presentation. I took home a cash prize for that category. I also found out during the award ceremony that I won interview too. I was strong all across the board.

Talent was my shining moment. The judges were impressed. I had great comments on the sheet.  I had one judge say I was "captivating” as I walked out and he could not take his eyes off of me. (Again that was my Rachel walk... mixed with some Mattie flare)  They loved my theme.  The mix of music sounded great. I showed elegance and beauty and the big finish was high energy and vigor. My costume change and transition was smooth. I could hear the crowd roar applause as I spun out of the mock gown skirt to reveal my dance costume underneath.  I finished the number with only one button fastened on the coat but nobody noticed. I had practiced it with out nails, not with them!  I only managed to get one button done in time.  I danced my ass off....Mattie Madison the Texas Tornado.  My score sheets were off the charts in talent. They also loved my props: especially when the clock lit up.  I had other girls wanting to rent them for other pageants coming up later this year. I may go into the prop building business. I'm joking. I have enough “jobs” as it is.  I'm just glad the event was a success. It was a double crowing so now I and my friend from Longview Texas, Jade Brooks will reign as Miss Texas State and Miss Texas State at Large 2012. We will travel together and promote ourselves and the system.  We are making our first appearance on Wed, at another pageant that is being produced in Dallas. We are going to wear our crowns and full regalia.

We had our first meeting with the pageant promoters and board of directors on Monday morning.  It took a lot to get my sleepy head out of bed. I was so exhausted, that I slept in my makeup.  That was an ugly scene the next morning.  But I got up and went, after a quick shower.  We also received our prize money at the meeting, so it was important that I go.  The meeting was good, they thanked the out going title holders and welcomed us onboard.  I had spent so much time on the outside of the pageant circle, and now I finally felt like I belonged some where. It was a good feeling. No longer was I just an entertainer at the pageant, I was some one who had worked hard and won it fair and square. I felt good knowing I have friends and family who love me. I have a community that supports and respects me and now I have a good pageant system that stands behind me.  I worked my ass off for this position.  I was stronger than I thought.  I will be thanking alot of people for helping me. It took a village.

In fact I was in such a good mood, I cooked dinner for my sister. Wendy was my dresser for the pageant and is my special intern for life.  I can see how much she adores me and looks up to me.  I could not do it with out her. I made her enchiladas, refried beans, and Spanish rice.  Man, that was good food.  I amaze myself sometimes.

I am ready

My talent costume is complete.  I will be wearing a body suit with a wrap skirt over. It will appear to be a ball gown.  Then during the high point in the music, the clock will chime, and light up. Then I have a costume change. I will remove the skirt and put on a fringe jacket and top hat. I will retain the body suit and is it helps me transition from one costume to the other.







talent costume: body suit and removable wrap skirt

 

I finished my talent jacket yesterday. I know I use the word Amazing a lot….but this is going to look a-mazing!  I made this jacket about five years ago, and it is a coat with tails. It had served me well. But it was time to upgrade.  It is like Jacket 2.0.  It is Cobalt blue satin with fringe. The collar is rhinestone.  I upgraded by first removing the existing sleeves.  I had found a matching fabric made of sparkle fabric. Then I re-beaded the new sleeves with fringe. So now it looks amazing in the light, it is like blue on blue.  You get the glitter of sequins and the flash of beaded fringe together.  Also I added length to the new sleeves. The old ones were about 2 inches too short if I raised my arms to high while performing. So I added a pleated panel under the arm and two inches in length at the cuff. The under arm fabric gives additional room to move.  I also used a flat plastic horse hair braid inside the cuff-hem to make it stiff and not allow them to fall down my wrist when my arms are raised. 




same body suit with beaded jacket, and top hat

 

I also finished my wrap skirt and attached it to a rhinestone belt. The skirt is layers and layers of netting.   I was not sure how to make one, so I went to a local prom store and looked to see how one was made. I do this a lot.  Being a self taught person, it is not unlike me to see a dress and turn it inside out to see the construction.  Then it say “ oh ok, I get it…I can do that”. This skill has been very valuable to me. It allows me to work with out a pattern when necessary.  The skirt is very Disney princess. It took me 23 yards of fabric on the skirt alone. I was gathering and sewing …and gathering some more, and sewing some more.  OMG. That was a lot of gathering. Then I attached it to a rhinestone belt by hand sewing with a twine and upholstery needle.  It worked. Some times you have to be creative. (I got the idea from a project I did year. I found small rugs on clearance at a local home store. I used the upholstery needle and yarn to sew the rugs into one big rug.) The skirt turned out great. I may spray glitter the net so that it will shimmer. You know Drag Queens, they live for sparkle and shine. I have a motto that I have stuck to for years; Flashy not Trashy!  (I got it from the movie, Beautician and the Beast circa 1997.  I love that movie.)  I finished it by surging the raw edges and now it is DONE.

I will be working on my presentations costume tonight. It is the last thing I need to complete. I started it two days ago, and will put it all together tonight.

Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with my posts about the pageant. The pageant starts on Saturday and will conclude on Sunday. I will lucky to be in my home bar for this one. I feel I have put in the work, and now it is time to shine. I am also prepared mentally to accept the outcome, win or lose, it will be a good contest. Thanks for all the well wishes and emails I have received.  Each one was so special. I will try to update again on Monday. Tomorrow is the day I have been preparing for, cross your fingers! I hope to be the NEXT Miss Gay Texas State at Large 2011-2012.