The gayest thing in the world is the Gay Pride parade in Dallas. Usually there are drag queens on floats, muscle guys in speedos and some times large gay groups represented by banners. It can be a fun day. I guess in my old age (yes I will be 37 next month-groan) I have out grown the need to go. I came out in 1994. I have seen several parades. I do think we as a gay people should try to be proud of who we are. But really I don’t need a parade for that. I liked going years before, because it was a time to be with my friends. Plus it was entertaining. Everyone seemed so happy. Then I guess I changed. I have recently felt like slapping every little piss ant teeny-bopper queen who thinks that gay pride is reason to put on heels while sporting a goatee in public. They get on my nerves. News flash…you look stupid.
I went last year some single friends. Now they are coupled with boy friends. I am still single. They will going with their boyfriends this year. Honestly, its jealousy and envy. And I hate feeling this way. There is nothing that hurts worse than being alone in a crowd of gay men. It is supposed to a happy day, but it makes me feel like I’m not adequate. There I go feeling crapy about it. I knew that was going to happen. I would like to have someone special to go with. I have one guy that I am very fond of….but he does not know it. He is smart, handsome, and kind. I think about him all the time. I feel a true connection. One problem, we are just friends. Nothing romantic to report.
I am refuse to define myself by whether I have a boy friend at a parade. That would be silly for me to think that way. RiGHT? I am going to let go of my negative feelings, by concentrating on the positive aspects of my self. Out with the negative energy, in with the positive energy. I say, I am not going to the parade. But will probably change my mind. Who knows. All I know is that I refuse to be miserable. Damn I need a drink.
Can’t hurt…might help.
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