time to let go

At some point you have to let go of your dreams.  Today, I may have to do that.  I used to be so hopeful about the future.  I had dreams bigger than big. I had my whole life ahead of me.  I feel that at some point you have to let those go.  Especially when you are the only one that ever believed they could come true. 

Here are things I wanted.  These are the dreams I am letting go today. 

I wanted to be Miss Gay Texas, I had this dream back when the MGT system was strong.  Then it declined in the last few years and now it is a mess.  No one really cares about it anymore.  So  it is best to let that dream go.  There are no good promoters to build it back up.

I also wanted to be Miss Gay America.  I have seen so many inspirational people win Miss America over the past few years, I thought there was hope for me to compete there and be successful. I will never be adored by many, love by some and an inspiration to others.   Ou tof all the thousands who ever had this dream, only about thirty have ever held the title. Now I am too old to be competing with queens in their twenties.  My time is past, it was not meant to be.

I wanted to go back to school, I have some college credits, but I waited too long and now can’t afford to go back.  Also I am too old now.  My life is half over.  I have to worry about retirement and have finally found a job that would be worth keeping for next 20 years.  The pay now is way above average and benefits are good too.  If I work hard, I can move up in the company and retire comfortably. 

I also wanted to have my own dress design business.  I am going to let go of that dream too.  I never went to school to learn how, so my talent was all self taught.  No one ever wanted to invest on a self taught person.  They measure your future success on education.  So I will no longer shoot for that one. 

I will also let go of hope for a new love to come into my life.  I met a few nice guys, but never Mr. Right.  I will accept the fact that single is ok. I guess no one wants a 37 year old plus size drag queen who lives with two dogs.  I will never be able to adopt children, nor have a home of my own.  I always wanted to share it with a husband. So again, I give my self permission to let that dream go to. 

You see, in the beginning of my drag career, I was just a boy in a dress, and then I blossomed into a true entertainer who enjoyed some success.  Then I got old, and now it is time to let go of my dreams.  So I now have to break my own heart and let it go.  It is never going to happen.  It is time to let go.